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Rachel
Savvy May 2021

(Future) mother in law

Rachel, on September 16, 2020 at 1:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 37
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Hi all,
So I pretty much have a crazy mother in law. As of right now she says she’s not coming to the wedding. She’s pretty much the definition of a manipulative mother. I still sent her the save the date, I will send an invitation and leave that up to her. She’s always telling us she has NO money to help us with the wedding however she goes on vacations, gets her nails done, they go out to eat everyday. Which isn’t the problem and I understand if she can’t help pay but she’s on vacation now and posting how they want to move to Virginia in the spring(our wedding is May 1st, shocker she wants to move in spring!) I’m thinking of Un-friending her on Facebook because I’m tired of getting mad about the stuff she posts and getting worked up. I have pretty much given up on her. Any suggestions? Is it wrong for me to unfriend her?

37 Comments

Latest activity by Shirley, on September 16, 2020 at 6:08 PM
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    Unfriending her will likely create drama. I would just adjust your Facebook settings so that you don't see any notifications from her and she doesn't appear in your feed. She won't know that you did it and you'll still be "connected" on Facebook, but you'd have to purposefully go to her profile to see anything she posts.

  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    There’s a function on Facebook called “take a break” and it means you just won’t be seeing anything they post but you’re not unfriended.
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I have used the "Take A Break" feature on Facebook multiple times, and it works great! It temporarily unfollows the person for a certain number of days, but doesn't unfriend them. You can also unfollow her indefinitely - you'll still remain friends with her and she won't know you unfollowed her, but you won't have to see her posts. I wouldn't suggest unfriending her right now though.
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    It's not okay to be upset that people are continuing to live their lives despite you getting married. Your MIL shouldn't stop doing the things that she wants to do with her own life in order to pay for a party that you and your FS decided to throw. The responsibility of paying for your wedding is on the two of you and the two of you only. I'm sure there's more to this story, but none of what you described is manipulative in the least. If it's bothering you that much that your MIL is enjoying her vacation, maybe unfriending her is best for your mental health.

  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I agree with PP. Just Unfollow her on Facebook.
  • Jessica
    Rockstar September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Kari, no need to unfriend her just unfollow her so you don’t have to see her posts.
  • Emma
    Super October 2020
    Emma ·
    • Flag
    Don’t unfriend, just unfollow. I had to do the same with my future FIL
  • Emma
    Super October 2020
    Emma ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    OP clearly said that MIL not paying anything isn’t the problem. She’s threatening not to come to the wedding so obviously there’s more to the story
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m not upset she’s continuing to live her life? It’s the fact that she says she doesn’t have money for ANYTHING and talks about us doing things and us being “rich” while she’s doing so as well. She is very manipulative, not coming to the wedding because she’s mad. Telling my fiancé she doesn’t want him in her life then telling people he’s a bad person.
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I just did that! I didn’t know you could lol. Thank you!
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Right, and if you read my comment, I said "I'm sure there's more to this story..." And you're right, she did say that money wasn't the problem, but then went on to complain about her MIL spending money on herself.

  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m not complaining about her spending her money. It’s not my money to be saying what she does with it. I’m just stating how she says she can’t pay for anything but does have money.
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree that you can claim you aren't expecting her to give you money for the wedding, while you are also repeatedly complaining about how she spends her money, all in relation to your wedding. I would try really hard to let this go (I know, easier said than done) and if unfollowing her on Facebook so you don't see her posts about spending money helps you, then it's absolutely the right decision.

    And go one step further by limiting contact, stopping the flow of information about the wedding (or anything personal), and setting aside any and all expectations about their wedding attendance or participation. You can not control her words or actions (or where or when she moves!), but you can control how they affect you.

  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
    • Flag
    Why should mom spend money on your wedding? She does not sound wealthy. You pay for your wedding. She will pay for her vacations, manicures, going out to eat, and moving. Sounds very normal. Sounds like my parents, who spent 27 years with kids in the house, who finally stopped putting the kids first all the time, and started putting themselves first. About time. If you do not want to hear about he life, temporarily switch her off on Facebook. She likely is tired of you too, and will not mind. Maybe after a break, she will decide to come after all. Meanwhile, as you stress less about each other, you will cease to bother each other. Maybe even miss each other, never know. I personally think there is too much indirect posting of things rather than good things about Face book. Switched off, you will cease to follow what she does, how she spends her money, and her moving plans. Good deal.
    Have some much needed space from each other.
  • Alma
    Expert October 2020
    Alma ·
    • Flag
    I would honestly unfollow her and block her from seeing my posts as well. As much as she is your mother in law, her threatening not to come to her sons wedding sounds like a manipulative tactic. Also, you have to do what’s best for your mental health like a PP mentioned; and it sounds like her social media posts take a toll on you.
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    This is all being turned into being about money when it wasn’t suppose to be. I’m simply stating how she throws in our face how she doesn’t have money and my family should pay for the whole wedding when she does have money. To be honest, I don’t want her to pay for anything because that would forever be held against us with her. I’m posting how she doesn’t want to come to her ONLY sons wedding and how the wedding isn’t important and then saying how she is going to move around our wedding.
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    She’s pretty much wanting us to beg her to come to the wedding, because that’s how it is with everything. She wants to be begged. And I won’t do it. I have muted her, I didn’t know you could do that lol. It’s her only son and only child. It’s sad how she doesn’t care
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    This forum is for honest opinions, not just for people to blindly support you in whatever opinion you have. If you only want to hear from people that agree with you, say that in your original post and so many people won't waste time trying to give productive advice.

  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    I recommend you unfollow her on facebook, rather than unfriend. As much as it hurts, shes not obligated to donate a cent to your wedding and has every right and prerogative to put her nails, spa, vacations as a higher priority than your wedding, even though I don't agree with her.
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    You said "money" three times in that post alone.

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