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Savvy November 2018

Future mother-in-law wants her name on the invite...

Valeria, on June 20, 2018 at 4:31 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 27

Hello, reader! So I have a tiny situation...my fiancé and I decided to DIY our invitations, as I’m quite the creative type and because of our needs and desires in regards to invites, it seemed the more practical route... I’m enjoying myself so far, anyway. So I decided I wanted to make an effort to...
Hello, reader!

So I have a tiny situation...my fiancé and I decided to DIY our invitations, as I’m quite the creative type and because of our needs and desires in regards to invites, it seemed the more practical route... I’m enjoying myself so far, anyway. So I decided I wanted to make an effort to make my future mother-in-law feel more included in the wedding planning, so I sent her a pictur of my design and asked what she thought...what I meant was “Is it pretty?” Haha...but she took that as an opportunity to express her opinion that her and her husband’s name should be on there too. Follow invitation etiquette, since my fiancé and I are footing the bill for the majority of it, with some contribution from my parents and siblings...We decided to go for our names on the invite along with “together with our families”...I quite like the way that sounds and feel it’s more inclusive of those who have contributed financially than to just list parents. Also, my parents are seperated now, and it just feels odd to place both my parents names together as if they were still married (My mom hasn’t gone back to her maiden name just yet).

My future in-laws are not contributing to our wedding because they don’t have anything to contribute. I don’t resent them for that, but I do resent the fact that she’s pressuring me to put her name on the invitation when she has not contributed. I find it quite tasteless. She says “it’s tradition”...but I’ve never been a traditional person. In fact, the only reason I will be wearing a white dress is because it was my fiancé wish that I wear white rather than gray or blue or black like some of the dresses I wanted to wear (lol).

Anyway, I am kind of just venting now...but has anyone had a similar issue? How do I tell her I won’t be including their names (or my parents names) on the invite without coming off as rude or defiant?

Am I being unreasonably snobbish? Please be gentle. 😥 I love my future mother-in-law even though we don’t always see eye to eyes and I think she oversteps boundaries sometimes, but I just don’t feel it right and I don’t want a super wordy invitation either!

27 Comments

  • L
    Expert October 2018
    Linda ·
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    Actually it’s not traditional. Tradition is the parents of the brides name invite you to the wedding of their daughter to groom.

    Most couple who are covering the wedding themselves only have their names.

    Out UT situation is similar. We are paying most of it my parents are helping some his parents can not afford to and that is fine. We are doing together with thier families Groom & Bride invite you too. Mostly we are doing that so it includes his son more then our parents but I liked the idea of honoring all three families with the wording
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  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
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    Don’t let her push you into this it will be the beginning of her mess. Stand firm and have your FI intervene.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    That's pretty bold of her to think her name belongs on the invite if she's not helping financially.

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  • ArwenToHisAragorn
    Expert October 2018
    ArwenToHisAragorn ·
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    We put "together with their families" on ours because FH and I are contributing the same amount as my mom and his parents. She has no say in what goes on the invites if she's not contributing.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would just keep "with our families", it gets too complicated when you go beyond that!

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  • M
    Dedicated March 2019
    Maria ·
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    We are paying for our wedding, but it is likely that we will be putting our parents names in the invitation, mainly because its tradition in our culture to add our parents names in our invitations. We don't really mind, since other things will be indicted as our wedding (Guest book, signs, website, registry, wedding favors, Photo Booth pics) and everyone knows its going to be the wedding of you and your fiancé. So I don't think it'll hurt to have their name included in it, along with yours of course. Its always good to try to have your parents involved on your special day and I'm sure they will appreciate that.

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  • FutureMrsS
    Expert October 2018
    FutureMrsS ·
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    I think it sounds good the way you have it! My FH and I are also using "together with our families", even though my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding. I don't want to make my FMIL upset with names added, because my FFIL is no longer with us.

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