Future Mother in Law hates me?!

Sheesh... She sounds like a piece of work...

What a pain. I'd say do what you want. She sounds like the type of person who would always be stringing you along to try and "earn" her approval, even after marriage. Do what makes you two happy.

She sounds as crazy as my FH mother. First off it's your wedding not hers you don't have to do anything 'for her' And moving away from each other without a reason is stupid.

My mom got sick in Dec and passed in April quickly, FH mother was nice throughout all of this. We moved up our ceremony to April (was still going to have everything this coming May) it didn't en up happening because my mom got too sick. After that FH mother acted like we did everything we want and all because of my family, NO F'IN JOKE LADY IT WASNT HARD TO GATHER WHY I DID IT, Ugh! Duringa ll of that she was making everything about her and just making things difficult. In July she (I say she but his father is also standing by her, although I don't really think he believe all of this just because its his wife) that she doesn't want anything to do with FH. She doesn't like who he was at 18 when he left for college. She has admitted it's nothing recently that he has done it was when he first moved out...we are now 26 people change A LOT. He has a great job works his ass off - and basically she's jealous we have the means to do what we want, when we want and aren't poor like them because she doesn't work. She's told FH that they aren't coming to the wedding and hope he learns that marriage is more than an expensive wedding. Of course this has all been in emails that I can read over and over and just getting annoyed at. In the last email she called me out and said they don't like who I am and aren't he person they would have wished for him, can't respect me, or accept me as part of their family. I'm over them! I understand mothers having a hard time letting go of their son, however FH has NEVER been close to his mom and because she has burned bridges nonstop while he's growing up he doesn't really respect her. It's not like I'm taking him away from this close relationship he doesn't even like her. Ugh. So much for hoping that I would gain a nice family.

I'm sorry but this CRACKS ME UP!!!! She wants to walk down the aisle??

Have that ceremony at the court house, go on your amazing honeymoon, and don't give another thought to her. Tell her if she wants a huge wedding, she can plan it, pay for it, and you and your husband will show up on the big day and play pretty princess for her

WOW! OMG that is horrible. I am so sorry!!!

Well if she wants nothing to do with him and clearly has no respect for you, her son or your relationship I'd just go have the wedding that the two of you want. If it were me I don't know if I'd even tell her when/where the wedding was. It's her loss for being so awful. Just have and enjoy your wedding and go on your amazing honeymoon. From the sounds of things you would both be much better off without her involved.

Not only is that annoying its so uncomfortable. My FMIL is nowhere near this bad but she definitely gets her feelings hurt about random stuff and doesn't think things through before she says them. My mothers best advice has been to make plans that WE want and then fill her in later. Do what you and your FH want to do. If she disowns him over it, I am sure he will see how crazy she is. If you bend to her will now... wait until you have babies... or just the rest of your life haha

It sounds like she thinks everything has to revolve around her. Tell her if she wants you guys to have the wedding of her dreams she needs to fork over the money. Otherwise get married in the courthouse like you both want & tell her to get over it.

And it sounds like no matter what you & FH choose to do she's going to find something to complain about. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Haha do what you want and just say "okay best of luck". She's not going to disown him. She will get over it.

OMG WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER IN LAW!

girl, my heart breaks for you. I totally understand how you're feeling. I have a terrible relationship with my FMIL, but the way I see it, if you give into what she wants, she'll just believe its because shes "in charge of the family and knows whats right" and wont be happy or grateful. If you don't listen, unless shes truly an evil bitch, she'll show up and brush it off and move on with life.

If you two want a courthouse wedding, DO IT! If a big shabang is that big of a deal to her then her to foot the bill for a party AFTER your courthouse wedding. Put your foot down.

@Della: I think your post was appropriately bitchy. :o)

I’ve read a lot of horror stories on these board with unsupportive family members. The problem, it seems, is that a lot of people lack boundaries. It’s your job to lay them down if they can’t seem to find them. Do what you and your fiance want for your day. It’s about you, not anyone else – and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not doing it their way. They will be your memories. You won’t want to remember it as a day planned for someone else. Good luck!

She's actually saying that your groom needs to be away from a year? lol

that's what's the queen did when Prince Andrew wanted to marry a woman she didn't like

for what it's worth, when my mom and dad were talking marriage my grandma did things like this. they'd come back to my dad's house and my grandma would tell my dad that some girl called and it wasn't true, showed my mom a picture of some girl and told my mom they had been engaged. not true either.

it makes me and my mom laugh now, but that the time she was having herself over it.

my grandma came around and loved my mom to pieces.

take a deep breath, you are a grown woman and your grooms mom just needs to get over herself.

sounds like maybe she wants to show off a celebration to her friends and a lot of moms feel that way. you could maybe do what my parents did- they had a celebration where his family threw a party with cake and lots of people getting together to wish the couple well.

that may be a way to indulge his mom. you could cut a cake to celebrate, that sort of thing.

not everyone would like the idea of all that, but in my family people did it and far as I know everyone was just happy to share in the day.

if doesn't like the idea of a possible compromise, then she can just get over it. not her

decision.

My impression is two-fold. 1. She sounds incredibly narcissitic 2. She throws her tantrums and goes bat shit crazy because it works and people have backed down and given her her way.

I am a MOB and MIL myself and I am truly encouraging you both to set some serious boundaries with her. Tell her when and where the wedding will be and move along. Call any bluff she throws your way.

I also encourage you both to consider some counseling as a couple to come up with strategies on how you will deal with her and the boundaries that will be necessary.

My MIL was a rockstar, I am so sorry for your situation. Good luck!

I spent too long caring about what other people wanted for MY wedding...It's not worth it. Think about this: In 5 years, are people going to be thinking about your wedding or even care? No. Please, do what YOU and your fiancé want. She can't control your life - if you let her now it's only going to get worse. And don't listen to anything about "rushing into things." That's completely absurd.

Thank you for all the encouragements. I just feel sad because I used to have a good relationship with her (or so I thought) until she realized my fiance and I were serious about getting married. I've known she was controlling and horrible for a couple years now, but my fiance just recently told her about our courthouse plans and it really upset me that she would say that we don't have her blessing and that we're rushing things and my fiance needs to get away from me. Unbeknownst to her, my fiance and I have been through some hellish times, and both my family and I have helped him overcome a lot of pain. I'm really depressed about/jealous of my friends or cousins who have wonderful and welcoming mother in laws...especially mother in laws who've only met them a couple times! They are so blessed and they don't even know it!

Does she want to wear a white dress too?? I have NEVER heard if the groom's mom having a solo entrance into a wedding ceremony. I completely agree with the others who said that if you let her control things now, it will just get worse if and when you ever have kids. It's your day and it should be exactly how YOU want it.

He should tell her that her actions are pushing him away. It is your wedding. Do it how you both feel comfortable. I did the courthouse thing. I invited only my family and a few close friends. It was the best day. We had a reception of sorts afterwards. We took our guests to dinner and had cake and champagne. It was beautiful. Maybe you could suggest that to MIL...A courthouse wedding a dinner get together after. If she wants something big and elaborate tell her she has to pay since it isn't something you budgeted for. Heck if she doesn't like those options you could always elope... That is kind of romantic. :-) These are just suggestions and my opinion. Good luck.