Future MIL wants to host separate bridal shower

I wouldnt. I think it could be taken offensively. I live in LA and my wedding is in ATL and I know my mom would do anything to be able to come to my shower (she lives in atl too)... If it isnt a great inconvenience do it!

I'm in the same boat as you, (from CA and getting married in MN)

I understand your FMIL's point, 3 hours is far and it is sweet of her to throw you shower. Is it possible to move the location to somewhere in the middle? I'd probably just let her throw a jack and jill one to make her happy.

Mmm that's a tough one. i get not wanting to have two showers in your situation, that's a lot to pack into one visit home, and it's silly to fly back out another weekend just for that. She's right though, I wouldn't expect people to drive three hours for a bridal shower. Can you compromise on location, is there somewhere in the middle that would work for everyone? Or maybe you and FH can schedule a weekend to go visit his family/other wedding appts closer to Oct, and schedule the second shower for that second visit?

I had the same thing with the baby shower. My parents are split and fmil wanted to do one with her family. FMIL didn't think her family would drive down for it (2HR drive for his side) and my family lives in this city. My step mother didn't think her family which knows my mothers family would want to be around them. In the end I only had one baby shower that my mother did and we invited everyone. It was getting stupid and i wasn't dealing with three different ones. I had a feeling when the other two said no we will do our own it wouldn't happen at all. And i was right. What you can do is what i did and ask his family if they were invited if they would try and make it. Even tell them that you don't want to have two since you really don't even want to have the one.

What about your moms shower Saturday you MILs Sunday morning?

I'm having the same issue. Basically I will be driving to upstate New York (7.5 hours) for a bridal shower with my FH's family the weekend before the shower my mom is throwing for me. I've only met that side once and my FMIL can't even attend...fun times. It's super inconvenient and I'm worried about not really knowing anyone, but I decided to embrace them welcoming me to the family. At least I can stock up on more NY wine and find favors for the welcome bags while I'm there. Anyways...If a second shower doesn't work for you, don't do it. No point in stressing yourself. Considering that you're coming all the way from CA, 3 hours doesn't seem that inconvenient to me. You're the bride and people should be making things easier for YOU. The people who matter will make the drive.

3 hours is definitely a long time for someone to travel for a shower. With that being said, its also not practical for you to fly home for a shower if you have no way to actually get the gifts back to your house and 3 wedding events packed into a week when you are already attending another friend's wedding is just crazy!! I think you should tell your FMIL that you really appreciate her offer but explain your side of things and hopefully she won't be offended.

Thanks everyone. All your input is very helpful. I feel a little better knowing that others understand my point of view - I really have no time left during my week in Ohio unless we skip the bachelorette party or unless FMIL throws me a shower on a weekday. After talking to my mom further, we will still invite them to the one in my hometown (I think it would be kind of cool for them to see where I grew up and have both sides of the family meet!). If they really can't make it, it may come down to a whirlwind weekend of flying to Ohio and using some extra vacation time just for a silly two-hour event.

Also - there's really no good place in between... just cows and corn.

I wouldn't refuse the offer (it seems like bad thing to do) just try to work with her on timing, and see if maybe she and your mom can work something out together, if not, let FMIL throw you a shower for her side of the family that way you get to meet and spend some time with those people before the wedding. I know it seems like a "silly two-hour event" but it seems important to your FMIL, so I would try to accommodate her and let her throw you a party

ETA:I consider a bridal shower a party of sorts O.o

I am having 2, and in the same weekend...and I wish there was a way to type the lack of enthusiasm in my voice.

My original shower was planned as a Friday night cocktail hour display shower. Meaning, no sit down dinner, just heavy appetizers and a lot of drinks, and no sitting through opening gifts (which i hate, so I refused to make people do it at my shower) I wanted it to be a super fun "girls night out"

Well, FMIL would not have it. She said it was not right for us to not have it on a Sunday, not have a "nice sit down lunch" and not have people see me open their gifts. So now I am stuck having 2. And as I mentioned, in the same weekend.

What stinks even more is the Sunday shower is on FH and my dating anniversary and I had planned on a night out of town to see our favorite band. Now we can't do that.

No don't refuse but it sounds like it should be planned for a different week. the first wedding i was in, the bride, groom and I lived in Boston, his family was in Ohio, hers in Arizona, and the wedding in San Diego. I flew with her to OH for a shower thrown by her MIL and then she had a separate one in Arizona. it's not like you'll regret doing this afterwards. when it comes to joining your FH's family, better to make them happy when you can now if it doesn't hurt anyone.

It's a long flight, more precious vacation time, and just something I don't value so much since I don't need gifts and prefer not to be the center of attention with people I don't know super well. Like I said, it would be nice if they were actually interested in meeting my family and seeing where I lived my whole life, but I guess it's too much of a hassle for them.

I am warming up to a separate bridal shower though. It's not ideal and quite silly in my opinion, but can be fun with some well-planned activities, and it would be a good bonding opportunity with the new family. *sigh*

How about having one shower in the middle? Then it would be 1 1/2 hour drive for everyone? Sorry if this was mentioned already, I haven't read ALL of the responses.

The 2 showers are common in my fw's family. It is looked down upon in my family.

My fw and I spent over $300 to throw a baby shower for her brother and sister n law. Only a few people showed up! Most went to the OTHER baby shower with "her" family! Felt like a huge waste of money on our part!

Man as a shower guest, I dunno that I would drive 3 hours for a shower. I would send a gift and my regrets lol.

Do you have the time to take off work to come back for a second shower? Typically when I want to get out of stuff like that, I just cite that I don't have the time to take off work (and for the most part, it's true).

I have a similar situation- we live in Boston, my family lives in Baltimore and his lives in Chicago. My FMIL wants to have a separate one and even though I feel all of things you mentioned- that it's silly, I can't take the gifts home, and I'm not thrilled about being the center of attn with people I don't know, it's really sweet and so I'm doing it, I think in different months to spread it out.

You could refuse it, but I wouldn't. moms get pretty bent out of shape about this stuff, and they did offer to fly you back for it.

if you can go to it I would, but if it really is impossible, then people will just have to understand your explanation as to why you can't.

As for getting your things home with you, it would probably be cheaper to mail the gifts to your house than to try to pay for extra bags on an airplane.