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Devoted September 2021

Future mil drama

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Cassandra, on February 10, 2020 at 9:21 PM

Has anyone else had major drama with their future MIL? My FH’s mother has not been very supportive his whole life. My family is paying for the whole wedding which isn’t a big deal. The main issue I’ve had is that his mother keeps telling us what we need to do for our wedding which she hasn’t contributed to. Last week she told me FH that I need to include his sister in our bridal party.. we are less than 3 months from our wedding and it’s so frustrating.

She is constantly speaking negatively to my fiancé talking about how he never does enough for her and telling him that we should be paying for her and his sisters bills (because that’s what family does). In all this wedding planning it has gotten to the point where I have very little patience for her. The smallest things are starting to get to me. She told my fiancé she was going to wear a white dress or this fairly scandalous dress (picture below). I want to be positive and include her in the wedding, because he has no relationship with his dad. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Any advice on how to handle a less than nice Future MIL?

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Devoted September 2021
Cassandra · on February 11, 2020 at 5:14 AM
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The funny thing is my FH doesn’t care if she’s invited. However, I want to invite her so she doesn’t cause a scene and to hopefully help them have a better relationship. We are just thinking about not including her at all during the ceremony/rehearsal and just making her only a “guest”. I can’t imagine getting ready with his mother. We have never spent that much time together at once lol. I definitely get the petty part 😂. We’ve asked her to not make any suggestions because it’s not her business.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 11, 2020 at 5:50 AM
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I get she's the only parent but she isn't being motherly to him so he doesn't have to fully include her especially if she is not being respectful.
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Marina · on February 11, 2020 at 6:53 AM
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She is a manipulative attention seeker from what I've read here. I see no reason why you should think about her feelings while she obviously doesn't think about yours. Just tell her that she is wrong here and there and if she continues to be so stubborn she will not be attending your party. Your FH knows how disrespectful his mother is so I believe he won't be against.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on February 11, 2020 at 7:52 AM
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It's not her wedding and she is not paying for it.
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Super March 2019
Alejandra · on February 11, 2020 at 7:27 PM
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Cassandra, I had similar issues to yours regarding my husbands "need" to still help his mom, step-dad and sister financially because thats what family does. In the beginning when they all lived together I didn't think much of it until we moved in together and I'd hear the occasional "oh we don't have money for this or for that" I asked a few times and my husband would tell me that they needed groceries and has spent all their money paying bills. ?? I mean all 3 of them work and together they make roughly what my husband and I make, they pay less than half in rent than we do and have no car payments. I know everything too, as I do their taxes. We would go over when they were so broke but oddly enough they'd have more than enough alcohol, 1 large Patron bottle, 1 or 2 24 packs of beer and other items such as mixers, snacks but always alcohol and this was every weekend Friday- Sunday. I began to mention to my husband how they always had alcohol even when they asked him for money because once I got to know everyone better I learned how mil and sil were habitual spenders and would literally blow their entire check on unnecessary items the first weekend they got paid. Fil would do the same thing but sneakier which led to where the majority of their missing money was going to. I pumped the brakes on this really quick because my husband and I are trying to buy a home and accomplish things together, thankfully my husband saw these things and began to question where their money was going and what was going on.
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