Future MIL becoming "bridezilla"?

This sounds similar to my situation when I was first proposed to. Oddly enough it was mainly my FFIL but the FMIL was a little upset with stuff too as well as the grandma. They love me and supportive but wanted everybody and their mother (literally) to be invited to the wedding even though we told them on multiple occasions that it was going to be on the smaller side. His dad started to get a little too demanding and getting a little rude at times so my FH finally checked him good and told him how it's going to be and that final. After that they were the best ever! So supportive on our ideas etc.

Maybe ask your FH to stad up to her for you? I don't know if it will solve anything but at least you and her both know that he is standing by you through this.

Since FMIL calls FH about everything I do that isn't what she wants, he has told her multiple times that it is our decision, and what we say goes, but she just doesn't want to hear it. I think I find it most frustrating that she won't listen to him!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But trust me, there needs to be a line drawn in the sand so to speak. My advice is since she is so demanding and forceful and won't listen to FH, I would have a really firm heart to heart with her and giving her a boundary like "here is something you have control over under my say of course but if you keep going with your rudeness and demanding your way for our day, then you will force me to find help sOmewhere else and I really want you to be a part of it". Yes it will be awkward and tense but then you will be in control and that is the final goal in this situation.

Just tell your guests not to listen to what she tells them, just like with the flowergirls' parents. When she sees nothing goes her way, she will realize how foolish she has been acting. I guess she does not have a daughter, and that is why she is trying to help you tooooo much.

You need to stop sharing anything about the wedding with her. There's no reason she should see the FG dresses before the wedding, or discuss their hair. She's either trying to have a wedding she's never had, or trying to control your and your FH's life. If you let her, it won't end with the wedding. "She won't hear it' is not an explanation.

Is she paying for the wedding?

I agree with Mrs. S in that if she doesn't know about it then she can't change it.

I would give her a project that you absolutely don't care about and let her take charge with it. I put my mom in charge of the reception table for gifts and pictures of fiance and I as a baby. She has had so much fun with it. I am having my MIL do our calligraphy for the invitations and she made our ring pillow (she is very crafty).

Also keep in mind they want to help and you have to choose your battles. I think she is being a bit controlling but give her direction.

Bethany, make sure your vendors know not to pay attention to anything she says!

It sounds like she wants to either plan the wedding she never had, or redo what she did. My MIL was sorta like that. She didn't have a wedding, so she was trying to plan one through us, and she is the type of woman who likes to tell everyone what to do normally. Her way is always right. Down to telling me she saw a dress that would be perfect, even though it's the opposite of what I like.

I stopped telling her stuff, and started going to meetings with vendors by myself. Don't tell her anything. Don't give her phone numbers or the names of your vendors that she doesn't have, and yes let your wedding party and vendors know that she has no say in things. I did end up saying in a not very nice way that it was between her son and me and no one else when she didn't get the hint. She backed off after that, but than proceeded to say that she felt like we didn't even want them there, just because I didn't go to her with every decision. Good luck. Set the boundaries early on.

Thank you everyone, and I'm glad I'm not the only one with these problems. I guess I have been very lucky by being able to use friends and family to help with all my venue (we have a low budget) so everyone knows that I am the one planning and paying for everything. I also think that is part of the reason for my frustration- she wants everything her way, but is not contributing any money. I haven't said anything to her the last couple days about how things are going, and when she asks I just change the subject. She is mad about it, but I think it is for the best.

Oye. I'm lucky FMIL does not have contact info for any of my people. So she just screams at FH and badmouths us to other family. *shrug* Nothing new. I'm sure she will Haaaaate the cake I have designed... no flowers.

For your FMIL, keeping details minimal seem it may be best. (I had to do this with my FMIL.) Also, let others know that any info coming from FMIL should be taken with a grain of salt & confirmation from you Directly. But, perhaps, they should give her the ol' Smile & Nod so they don't have to deal with her backlash or such.

Oh Bethany - you poor thing. God I hate reading about these family members that think it's their wedding.

Definitely do what some of the ladies on the board have said. Inform the vendors that directions are coming from you and not your future in-law and contact the flower girl moms and let them know that you are having their hair done a certain way. Also try to share as little as possible. Stick to your guns and do the smile and nod... really and try to remember it is your (and your fiancé's day - not hers) !