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Beginner August 2019

Future In Laws Involvement

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Kathleen, on July 29, 2019 at 1:56 PM

How involved were your FIL’s with your wedding? I feel like mine care about me and FH but they just seem clueless about what a wedding entails. The wedding is 5 hours away from them, in my hometown, but I expected them to be more interested in it. Especially since FH is the first of their children to get married. For example, I offered to go shopping with my my FMIL for her dress and then she told me she went shopping and found it without me. Which is fine I guess, but it would have been a nice way to get to know her better. Also, both of my FIL’s don’t have to work the week before the wedding and they know we’re setting up on Thursday and having a girl’s spa day on Friday morning before the rehearsal that night. Yet, they haven’t offered to come and help set up on Thursday and will only arrive around noon on Friday. So my FMIL will probably miss the spa day too. My FMIL is taking care of the rehearsal dinner and it should be nice but I really don’t understand the lack of helping with set up when they aren’t working and could have planned to arrive earlier. Do they think tables decorate themselves up? Haha

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23 Comments

Beginner August 2019
Kathleen · on July 30, 2019 at 8:47 AM
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In my small town in the midwest, I’d have to lock the doors of the reception hall to keep my family from helping with set up. 😂 They were surprised when I insisted on hiring people to tear down the reception afterwards so they could relax haha.
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Super March 2019
Alejandra · on July 30, 2019 at 6:43 PM
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My hubby and I were the first of each of our families to get married, both of our mothers were eager and excited when the planning started, I planed solo and had no bridal party so I leaned on our families support through out the process. My in laws threw around a lot of suggestions in the beginning but they didn't quite go with our vision, so when we explained our vision they said it was too fancy and that we should ask to have god parents for every aspect of the wedding so we didn't have to pay for it.
My mom and I talked a lot about it so she had a pretty good idea of my vision so she'd send me ideas of centerpieces and flowers and other decorations that were amazing but super pricey so it was another wall with her because the ideas were practically unattainable.
When I went dress shopping I made appointments for my mom, sister, mil and sil as well as I felt good trying on dresses with them as well. My mom and I arrived right on time and my mil and sil arrived 45 minute late. My sister lives about 50 minutes away from me with no traffic and was stuck in a freeway closure so that made her about an hour late in which I told her not to worry because she was already looking at dresses.
They ran so late that I took the 1st appointment and found my wedding dress. my mom then found her dress and they refused to try on dresses because they were in bad moods, they had gotten into an argument on the way and were not happy. The sales lady was confused and I apologized and just left with my mom and my dress ordered.
That was the last time we did anything together because I just did not want this to happen every time I wanted to do wedding planning, get stuck waiting around and possibly not getting things done.
Now that we're married my in laws live about 30 minutes away but we don't visit that often because we're busy. Every now and then we get the old you guys dont visit me therefore, you don't love me.
So I tell her why don't you visit us?
*Silence
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Beginner August 2019
Kathleen · on July 31, 2019 at 1:05 AM
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Wow, I’m sorry you had to/still have to deal with this... they should have behaved themselves for your dress fitting and the rest of your wedding. I hear you about being told your ideas were “too fancy” too. My future in-laws have indicated that some of my ideas are “too much,” especially with registry items. My FMIL has yet to gift us anything from our registry and gave me rather cheap stuff for shower gifts. Her general attitude is “well you’re just starting out, so you don’t need nice stuff.” Whereas my parents and friends are like “we want to give you nice things that will last.” *sigh*
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