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Chelsea
Dedicated August 2020

Future Husbands Mom Doesn’t Want to Attend Wedding... Again

Chelsea, on August 1, 2020 at 11:37 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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Hello All


So there was a part one in relation to this forum that can be found here:
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/his-mom-doesnt-want-to-attend-wedding/3fbbea0e4d6049ae.html

Since then she decided that she will come… Until tonight when she declared she wasn’t coming Due to COVID-19. Which I definitely understand until I look at her lifestyle? I will say that she is a caregiver for a live in Aunt, and she is saying that she doesn’t want to hire help (Adult Caregiver/ CNA) To watch her while she attends wedding because she fears that they will bring in the virus… But she leaves her home daily, has three grandchildren that run in and out of her home every other day, and her own children come in and out, and her boyfriend that comes and goes. So I’m not understanding why she is now blaming Covid for why she doesn’t want to come. And she continues to back my fiancé into a corner for us to postpone our day, and fiancé is now heartbroken. I have to continually encourage fiancé to not worry about who comes but then again I can understand why he would like his mother there… She has never took the virus seriously until now, so that’s why I’m really having a hard time understanding why she is now saying she isn’t attending due to the virus… mind you I have never seen her even where a mask. I don’t know what to do Because this is the second time that she has done this and stressed my fiancé out and he feels embarrassed that his mom is once again declining attendance.


I just can’t believe she had the audacity to recommend postponing our day because she’s the only person not coming. It’s almost like she wants to sabotage our day! I’m so over it! We get married on August 23,2020

Please help

16 Comments

Latest activity by Chelsea, on August 3, 2020 at 5:25 PM
  • Sharonda
    Super January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    COVID didn’t just get here, so why is COVID her reason for not attending now? I wonder if the virus is a cover for her still not wanting to come to the wedding due to the prior issue. Do you think she’s scared of “losing” her place in his life after he gets married so she is acting out or trying to stall the wedding? The only thing I can recommend is putting some safety measures (masks, social distancing, etc.) in place at your wedding to reassure her (and other guests) that efforts are being made to prevent the spread if you haven’t already done so or set up a way for her to attend virtually. Talk to your fiancé about it and come up with a way to address it that you both agreed upon. You guys can get through this together!! I can only imagine how upsetting and frustrating this is. Hang in there!
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I mean, it's her loss.

    My mother didn't come because she didn't like the invitations. People like your FMIL and my mother will find any excuse to center themselves and make important events about them.

    I'm sorry she's like this. You're not alone.

    But it's her loss. She doesn't come, she doesn't see her son get married.

    You two, meanwhile, will have a great day, enjoying each other and those who wish to fully support you.

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  • VIP August 2020
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    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, again. She sounds soooo difficult! Nothing you did is going to make her become reasonable in the next 3 weeks. It's a good idea to put some covid-related safety measures in place for everyone's sake, and if covid is really her reason for not coming, she'll have no reason not to come. Unfortunately, it seems like she's probably using it as an excuse. I think the best thing to do here is to invite her to join you virtually. You can't catch covid over Zoom. If she still decides not to come, it will still be painful for your FH, but if she can't even be bothered to turn on her computer to be there at your wedding, hopefully he'll be able to come to terms with the fact that she's the one with the problem here, so at least he won't have any negative feelings toward you in regards to this situation. At this point you've done everything you can to include her.
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  • Kayse
    Expert December 2020
    Kayse ·
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    What does your gut tell you is her real reason for refusing to come?

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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Yes! I think she scared of loosing her space... And we are providing masks and individual hand sanitizer as our gift. We are also have enough space to enforce social distancing.
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Thank you for this I just don’t want him feeling down about it, so I’m encouraging him to go on with his day.
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Yes thank you for your input! We are even providing PPE and temperature checks. And she isn’t budging in her response.
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    She has underlying issues about our relationship and the day isn’t about her... so she is trying to make it about her through her son.
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  • Kayse
    Expert December 2020
    Kayse ·
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    Then I agree that it is her loss. Your day is about what you want. I'd ignore her antics. Is your FH on board?
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  • Sharonda
    Super January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    Then it sounds like you are already doing all you can to address her concerns. If the real issue is losing her space in her son’s life, postponing the wedding will not change that ... it’s only postponing the inevitable. I think you tell her that you really want her there and let her know what safety measures you have put in place and leave the decision up to her. It sucks, but she’ll have to live with the decision she makes.
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  • VIP August 2020
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    It really sounds like you're doing everything you can. It might be better to focus your attention on helping your fiancè feel comfortable getting married without her than trying to convince her to be there.
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  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Idk this is a but tricky. I can also understand how your fh feels. It'll be her lost ...
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    He is now but at first he was struggling...
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Yes! Thanks for your input
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    That’s where my heart is now!
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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    I know it is her lost.
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