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Just Said Yes June 2019

Future husband turns into a jerk when anything has to do with wedding planning

sue, on January 1, 2018 at 1:38 PM Posted in Planning 0 40

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We've be engaged for over a year now. We decided to not get married in that year due to financial issues. We finaly decided to just do something small which we can afford. Now everytime i mention the word wedding he freaks out and becomes so hateful. I've gotten to the point I dont even won't to have a wedding anymore because he's not involved in the planning process. For example, last night I tried verifying the date I had set was okay and tried asking other details like if he wanted to have a wedding party. Mistake... he said i had tunnel vision when it came to this, told me he didnt give a **** what we did. So I spent New Years eve in tears. Is it normal for men to be like this??? All I want is some of his input?

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40 Comments

Latest activity by Peachykeen45, on January 11, 2018 at 9:04 PM

Champion June 2018
muriel · on January 1, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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When someone shows you what they are like, believe them.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on January 1, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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No, this isn’t normal. My advice would be to postpone/cancel. Ask him why he’s behaving like this and tell him it’s not ok. I would also recommend couples counseling to work on better communication with each other.
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Master March 2018
Orchids · on January 1, 2018 at 1:41 PM
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That is NOT normal. Are you able to just sit him down and ask him to lay out for you why he's so pissy about the topic? This would be a HUGE red flag for me, and if he can't articulate it clearly I'd be asking for some couples' counseling.
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Savvy September 2018
Larissa · on January 1, 2018 at 1:45 PM
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Agreed. Something is not right here.
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Expert October 2018
ACD · on January 1, 2018 at 1:46 PM
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Agree with PP, talk with him why he feels like this. Maybe its still about finances, maybe he doesn't want to have a big wedding? Whatever it is, you guys need to discuss it.
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Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on January 1, 2018 at 1:48 PM
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Some guys aren't into wedding planning, which is fine. But for him to be offensive and not want to talk about the subject at all makes me think he's not interested in getting married, and might've agreed to something small just to get it over with. If my fiancé EVER spoke to me that way, especially about a wedding celebrating OUR relationship I'd lose it. This should be an exciting time, he should not be putting you down for wanting his opinion. Seek counseling or have a very serious conversation about why he feels this way towards what's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.
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Savvy June 2018
Ischemia · on January 1, 2018 at 1:53 PM
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I believe that the key to a relationship is communication. Just sit down and talk to him, and if that's hard for you sometimes I write. Write him a letter. When a person writes your able to take your time and get out all of your feelings and concerns. Nothing worse then forgetting something and have to bring it back up.

Sometimes someone can have an issues with something and not say anything then the smallest things will tick them off and it builds up. Next thing you know there blowing up for a small thing and it leaves the other person confused.

I hope that helps and everything gets better.
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Just Said Yes June 2019
sue · on January 1, 2018 at 1:54 PM
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That how im feeling. I think he just agreed to do something small, so he didnt have to deal with it. He's turned this wxicting time time into something I dont even want to do anymore.
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Master July 2017
A. L. · on January 1, 2018 at 1:54 PM
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Nope, this is not typical. Can you ask him if he still wants to be married at all?
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Just Said Yes June 2019
sue · on January 1, 2018 at 2:00 PM
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Pretty sure that question will start a huge fight. I rather not ask him.
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Master May 2017
JerseyGirl · on January 1, 2018 at 2:01 PM
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Exactly! If it’s a money issue what is he going to do when real life stressors hit ie job loss, medical bills, etc. I would take this as a huge red flag. I’m thinking there also has to be other jerk tendencies that have come up in the past.
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Master July 2017
A. L. · on January 1, 2018 at 2:02 PM
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How can you think about marrying someone that you cannot ask this question to? Can you see a counselor?
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Beatriz · on January 1, 2018 at 2:03 PM
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My ex was the same way. Against my best gut feeling we ended up getting married just on Justice of Peace and a year later we separated. Trust your gut feeling. Now I met someone else and he wants to be part of all details.
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Dedicated September 2018
MsToMrs · on January 1, 2018 at 2:04 PM
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Sounds like you need to have a conversation with him. My FH doesn't like to do a lot of the planning, but is never rude or combative with him when I bring it up. Could it be stress since you mentioned a financial issue with the wedding initially? Regardless of the underlying reason for it he should treat you with respect and your wedding should not cause you tears.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 1, 2018 at 2:08 PM
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That's a pretty big problem if you can't talk about your relationship with your partner.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on January 1, 2018 at 2:18 PM
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Why do you want to marry someone who clearly doesn't want to marry you?

Aside from the not treating you well. This relationship doesn't sound like a keeper. How old are you?
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Master May 2018
Forestwed · on January 1, 2018 at 2:29 PM
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You need personal counseling and couples. It’s a big problem that you allow him to talk to you like that. Feeling uncomfortable asking him a question is terrible. I would ask my fiancé anything, any place anytime. You need to have self confidence and respect for yourself
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VIP May 2017
The Bride · on January 1, 2018 at 2:38 PM
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Red flag is fully unfurled and blowing in the wind.
Pump the brakes, OP. This is not ok. You deserve a fiance who is as excited for this as you are. If you are concerned about talking to him about this because it's going to start a fight, then that is a sign.
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Devoted October 2018
Brittany · on January 1, 2018 at 2:46 PM
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That's NOT normal. Sure not all guys are into planning but for him to curse at you about it is NOT ok. Hold off on the wedding and seek counseling. Sounds like there's more to it then him just not wanting to help plan.
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Devoted June 2018
Dominique · on January 1, 2018 at 2:57 PM
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Doesn’t sound like he wants to get married.
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