Future crazy in-laws

From the details you gave, they don't sound crazy. Has the mother gone out of her way to be awful to you? Its understandable they would be upset if their son is moving away... although, they do need to accept it. Some more specifics about her behaviour towards you might get you some better advice

You also said what I was going to tell you - once you get married...they are YOUR family too. You have to find a way to play nice or it will be a long hard road! If you do move to Texas (wait, where are you now), you may be far enough that you won't really have to deal with them..that could be a plus.

He's from St. Louis and that's where the wedding will be but we want to move down to Texas ASAP.

When they found out we had picked a date without consulting them, and it turned out to be 2 days after one of his sister in laws is due, the entire family flipped out. She accused me of being pregnant (even though the wedding is 6 months away) she attacked every part of me that they know, like that I get sick a lot (cause I'm in college and eat crap food and also have some medical things that are none of their business) and they would get really really upset that we never came over (we would, but they were 30 minutes from me at school and I was super busy graduating college).

Sorry, there's some more detail, whoops haha

Yeah...my FMIL is turning out to be insane. I just distance myself and primarily let FH deal with her. Hopefully things will cool down when you move.

My MIL and I do not have the greatest relationship, it's slowly getting better but everything with her is a project. I'm just taking things with a grain of salt. Good luck!

You too @DA_to_DK

I will give them a little leeway here in that you REALLY should check with your VIPs when you set your wedding date. They should not ever be attacking you but if my son to me and said he was getting married right when his brother's baby was due I would want to chat about that a bit. Both of our girls had all the grandparents at the hospital (I KNOW many do not, it just roles that way in our family). That would feel like being between a rock and a hard place.

Sounds like they thought he would live close forever - things change. I am the one who moved 300 miles from my family to get married, I get it.

I notice you talk about how much they attack you, which is wrong, but where is your FI and what is he doing about it?

So - it is REALLY crappy of you to pick a wedding that your FBIL and SIL won't be able to attend. Also you are potentially making the grandparents (FH parents) miss either your wedding or the birth of the grandchild. Maybe you should step back and slow things down a bit so you consider the other people in your lives. Unless you guys are just heading to Vegas all by yourselves to get hitched - excluding huge parts of his VIP family is not considerate, and I would get FUMING if I was them.

It doesn't seem like they're being crazy, I mean I'd be mad too if one of my sons planned a wedding date without consulting any of his family and knowing that his brother's wife was pregnant.

Tread lightly with your future in-laws, you are going to be family for the rest of your life.

I'm with Erin on this one. She doesn't sound crazy, she sounds hurt.

I can understand both sides of this. I see how your FMIL would be upset because she has a grandchild maybe coming around the same time. And we all know that you can't rush a baby., so that is obviously a very conflicting time frame for them. But I can also understand that it may seem unfair to you too, because that is the date you settled on. Is there any possibility of changing your date at this point?

FH is dealing with this right now my parents are horrid and unnecessarily difficult. He pretty much just tries to appease them and let's me handle them. WW told me that they might be ridiculous but it's not worth the stress. The key is to pick your battles!

It is odd that you and FH would pick a date so close to her due date. Did you just not know or was there a reason? Because I'd be pissed about that too but FH should not let them attack you and should set them straight about the pregnancy thing.

Why did you pick a wedding date that's 2 day after your FSIL is due? I wouldn't even pick it within two weeks. Baby's come when they come, and that could very well mean on the date of your wedding, so your putting his parents at a crossroad of missing their grandchilds birth. I'd be one pretty pissed off BIL and SIL, and feel like that's inconsiderate. I get it, you get one day, but why did you have to pick it so close, do you not want them there for a reason??

So I'm sorry but you are in the wrong in this instance. The FMIL has every right to be upset, and she's probably more upset about the fact she might miss her grandchild or sons birthday because of the date, more than you moving.

And I'm skeptical they are actually attacking you and not just being upset about the whole situation. But good luck and I do truly hope everything works out for you.

I am probably the opposite opinion but I don't think it is that bad to pick the date you did. That is her due date, it doesn't mean she will give birth that day. Most women do not give birth on their due date. I also don't think by picking this day you are forcing your FIL's to decide between the baby and you. They don't need to be there every second after the baby is born. They can go see they baby and visit if the baby is even born yet. On the off chance FSIL does go into labor on your wedding day, you FIL can still be at your wedding and see the baby after its born. Idk I feel this way because I do not want anyone at the hospital with me during labor except my FH....for me the actual birthing process is not a family affair. I honestly don't think I will want that many visitors after the baby until I am home. From what I heard birth is exhausting lol and I am going to want to rest.

To add to my comment above, it only applies if you didn't know she was due then. If you knew and picked the date anyways your in the wrong. But if you had no idea and picked and then she told you then your fine.

My family's awesome but they would have flipped out over this too. You're effectively precluding his brother and wife from attending and if they're involved grandparents, they would likely have been at the house helping. It sounds like you two didn't consider your families and major events going on when you picked a date.

Hey date twin! (But maybe not for long?) I don't think you were completely in the wrong for selecting a date without getting their input, but it does seem a little odd. We had a couple options picked out and asked our families what they thought because we wanted their advice. Yes, it's OUR day, but they're a big part of it too.

But to help with your question, it seems like they're feeling excluded. It might help to include them on some things, and they might even have good suggestions or perspectives on things that you hadn't considered. The only downside of this is the possibility of them trying to take over. FH will have to get involved for sure to keep things in check. It depends on how much you care about that. Some brides want a lot of family help, some have a vision that they don't want clouded by outside suggestions.

No, I marry the man and we create our own nuclear family. I will be kind and polite and considerate of his family, but I will not be bending to their will and having them make decisions for us.

However, yes it would have been nice to get their input on the date, but the only people I see it affecting are your BIL and SIL. MIL is not the one having a baby. Did SIL even invite her to the hospital or is she imposing herself there too? Personally, I want no one except FH when I am in labor and my own mother can wait an hour or two after the baby is born before visiting so we can have bonding time just us first, and after that no visiting for more than a few hours and no camping out in my hospital room! I know not all are like this, but I can't stand the MIL who sees herself as the primary caregiver and decision maker and screw the birth mother. Is this the MIL who says she's coming over to "help" but all she wants to do is hold the baby and make the poor recovering bleeding mother wait on her hand and foot and cook and do the dishes. Because that's not "helping". There are MILs who barge into delivery rooms uninvited, stare at someone's vagina without permission and grab the baby away before the mother can even see or hold her own child first and think they are in the right.

Okay, so I know I'm getting off subject and boundary stompers are obviously a touchy subject for me, but I just absolutely 100% do not buy MIL's excuse. Unless she was specifically asked for 24/7 support or to provide childcare while SIL is in labor, she does not need to be at the hospital all day. Will she only love her grandchildren on the condition that she needs to see it being born? Why does she think she can lay claim to this child and your SIL's birth experience during the most vulnerable moment in her life?

The only option to accommodate SIL and BIL is to make your wedding a month earlier or a few months later (and SIL still doesn't attend or brings her newborn)

^^^^ holy assumptions Batman. A Bride, OP never said it was just the MIL upset or that she expects to be at the birth. She said the whole family is upset about the choice of wedding date.

I know there are a lot of assumptions, just another point of view.

I just don't understand why the whole family would be upset unless the whole family expected to be in the delivery room. And OP targeted MIL specifically as the nucleus of all the crazy.

After discovering SIL's due date, her's would be the only opinion I'd take into account regarding the birth. MIL just sounds like she has her panties in a bunch because SIL's personal and private birth should be everyone's birth to witness and the wedding is impeding "new grandma time". Like can't you just take a few hours off, the new baby will still be there and it's not going to love you any less.

Obviously I also have issues with MIL's who think they can run the show.

She made it so her FH Brother and his wife can not come to their wedding. On top of that - many grandparents will want to be the first to see the new baby (other than the parents) but if they happen to spend the day at the wedding - they can't/won't be.

Its just a shitty place to put your future family in, and it comes off as if OP either doesn't get that or doesn't care.