fsil Bridesmaid Drama

I’m not sure how far away your wedding is but since you haven’t chosen bms yet I’d guess it’s aways out. So I’d just ignore it for now. Your Fi can text her back and let her know you’re both not to the stage of choosing a bridal party yet. And that’s it. If she’s going to keep working herself up and being weird for a few months, that’s on her. I’d think though that she’ll calm down with time...maybe. Hopefully. But she doesn’t sound like a pleasant person to have in your party, especially if FI doesn’t want her in it. When it comes down to it he can just tell her that it was his decision and with the way she acts he doesn’t want her in it. Doesn’t have to be on you.

I would just ignore it for now, unless if you are choosing soon.

My fiance sister and I are 6 years apart and she is in my wedding party. I asked her two years ago and we have actually become super close. The reason I asked her though is because my fiance has my brother as one of his groomsmen.

To make mine even more drama, my brothers ex gf is one of my bridesmaids too.
Unfortunately there will always be drama.
When it comes to communication to planning things, the more people involved, the more drama.
If they are already causing this much drama, I wouldn't be including any of his family in my bridal party, if I were in your shoes.

If I could go back and start over. I would choose ONE person to be in my bridal party. No drama, easier planning for pre wedding activities, etc.

You are not obligated to have her in your bridal party.

I would include her in the wedding party. Soon she is going to your sister too.

View Quoted Comment Not everyone considers their in-laws family. My former sister-in-law was my ex's sister, nothing more.

"Thanks for letting me know so I can save money on your invitation!"

This is awful... you shouldn't have to feel pressured to include anyone you don't want to in your bridal party. I don't blame you for being put off by her behavior either... asking to be a BM and threatening not to attend the wedding at all if not asked is not only presumptuous and rude, but childish. That'd be like inviting yourself to a birthday party - not ok.

Stand your ground with this one, OP!

My FSIL I guess went to her mom crying about this as well. The odd thing is we don't have a bridal party - I guess she thought she should be the only one? Lol I have a sister and I'm not close to my younger sister (21) or my FSIL (22). My FSIL didnt even talk to me prior to this decision so she's delusional. My FI says this keeps coming up and they are trying to force us to have a BP just to include her.

Stand your ground. For the record my whole future in laws are not attending because of this and because we wouldn't let them take the guest list over capacity. So call her bluff and see what happens.

No one should get to demand to be a BM in your wedding. It's your day, and you get to choose who will stand next to you and support you. Just for her making the demand, I wouldn't include her. Since you haven't made decisions yet, just let it ride and see if she gets over it on her own.

I only met my SIL maybe 3 times before the wedding, she lives in another state. Anyway I always bought it was a sweet gesture to include a family member from each other’s side in your party. So my husbands sister was a bridesmaid and my male cousin was a groomsman (I don’t have any brothers).

However, no one should presume or demand to be in the wedding party. And certainly no one should give ultimatums not to attend.

Okay--- So here is what I would do. If you dont want to damage the relationship with her, she is obviously young and immature, and doesnt realize how that is coming across (or at least i hope not) So i would have her over for lunch or dinner, and let her know what you just told us! We love you, and we care about you. I have not chosen my BMs yet, and hadnt counted you out. But you giving me an ultimatum doesnt make me WANT you in the wedding.. and ask her how she would feel if someone did that to her on her wedding day! See how it goes, if she is still rude, then it would sound like shes not coming! lol! Good luck girl!

Just a ps... im not having either of my FSILs in my wedding. I love them both to pieces, and they are both coming in my wedding. Never expected to be in my wedding. So its defiantly not required!

Hello Miranda,

I understand what you are saying. It is so difficult when it comes to choose your bridesmaid. I will let you know a little bit of my experience. I decided to include most of my family since it was 3 sisters, 2 cousins, my fiance sister-in-law and my best friend but from the sudden I receive a call from my mother-in-law who lives in Argentina and she tells me to include her niece who is my fiance cousin but I had to be honest and polite and said I am really sorry but it has been really difficult for all the bridesmaid to do the dress fitting since they live in different places like Connecticut, Georgia, Florida, New York, Miami and we already have ordered it in advance and since she will travel 2 days before the wedding it would be impossible to make any adjustment to her dress. I believe the bridesmaid should be chosen by the bride and the groomsmen by the groom. Don't pay mind to her childish behavior. Just tell her that you are focusing in other things that are most important and that later on you will pick your bridesmaid. Stay focus and don't let anyone ruin the most important day of your life.

I wouldn't include her. Her preemptive temper tantrum should be a sign of how she'll probably behave during the planning process and day of. Weddings are stressful enough without adding tween level drama like that.

And it sounds like FH is on the same page as you, and if he doesn't want her included then stick with that. It's his sister, he would know best if she'll cause drama.

"No" is a complete sentence. If you give into this, you'll be giving into her for the rest of your life. You don't want her, your fiance doesn't want her, just say no. You don't need to include people out of some familial obligation, you should pick your nearest and dearest only.

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That's not a reason to include someone.

If anything she should be standing with your fiance. She's his sister.

While I feel siblings should be in the bridal party, she also can’t boss you around.

But it I think this is your fiance’s issue to deal with. It’s his sister, he can handle this and be the point of contact for her. I don’t think you need to be the one stressing it.

If it were me, I wouldn’t simply because I would feel that I’m giving in to their pressure and feel that they will take advantage of me with the years to come. You can’t please everybody. Just because they will be your family does not mean you have to include them in your wedding party. None of my FSILs are in my bridal party

Ok, so I asked my FSIL to be in my wedding party because she's going to be family and we get along great. However, I'm with other PPs in this situation where you don't have to ask her. If she's seriously saying this (and not in a joking or sarcastic manner), then I would be very wary of including her because the drama will not end.

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OMG. What drama. I don't understand people who make someone else's wedding about THEM. Ridiculous. I hope for their sake of their relationship with their son and FDIL, they apologize to you both and attend a very important day in your lives. Or their loss.

Not sure it'll help but when we had some RSVP issues at our wedding reception my DH & I said an intention/prayer together. Something like "May the perfect people come to our reception!" That kept our focus on celebrating our special day with the people who would be there with love, fun & support (instead of getting ticked over people who didn't show up).

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Agreed! If she doesn't get over it now, she'll finally understand when she becomes a bride.