Friend’s wedding on your birthday

If you are not in the wedding I would Just explain to her that he had this planned. Maybe get her something off their registry. I’m sure with the times she will understand. If it was me I would want to stick with what he had planned. It sounds like he put work into trying to change your idea on birthdays.

To be honest I would go to the wedding UNLESS it was too much trouble to reschedule the weekend getaway he planned

Only you can answer how important it is to you to be at her wedding. For me, I’d rearrange plans for my bestie, but just a friend I’d probably apologize and send a gift. My FH and I don’t get to go on trips very often, especially without our kids, so if he planned a special getaway that would be my priority.

There really is no right or wrong answer. Personally, I would choose my friend's wedding. A wedding happens once and a birthday happens every year. You could also do the birthday getaway the weekend after. It's not uncommon for people to celebrate their birthdays in a day that is not the actual date. However, I think your friend would understand if you can't make the new date given the overlap.

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So I’m not in the wedding because she and her fiancé decided they weren’t having bridesmaids and groomsmen and she’s having her sister as her maid of honor while he’s having his brother as his best man and that’s it. She will be a bridesmaid in my wedding next year though. And my fiancé can’t reschedule and get his money back for the weekend and all the reservations he made. He did put a lot of work into planning a nice weekend for us.

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Yeah he can’t reschedule and get his money back for the weekend.

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I do consider her one of my best friends. My fiancé and I don’t have kids yet but he did put a lot of work into trying to give me a happy birthday this year, also he can’t reschedule or get his money back for it either.

View Quoted Comment Honestly I think you should go on the weekend. A good friend will understand especially with the premise behind his planning for you. If she is your good friend she already knows how you feel about birthdays. I think she will understand why you may not be able to go to the reschedule. Is there a way you could maybe be live-streamed in? That way you are there but not in person?

A wedding is a once in a lifetime event, and if it was my friend, I wouldn’t miss it for anything. Birthdays happen once every year.

I would attend. You can have a birthday dinner another day and it doesn't take away from anything.

That’s a tough call. At first thought, I’d absolutely go to the wedding since she’s a close friend. However, I know your fiancé put in a lot of thought and effort into making it a special weekend, so you wouldn’t want to disappoint him by throwing those plans away. I would have an honest conversation with your fiancé about your dilemma and tell him how you’re torn. Gauge his feelings on the matter and then make the decision together. If you end up going on the weekend getaway, make sure you also have a conversation with your friend about the decision so she knows how much thought you put into it.

View Quoted Comment This is also a good point

View Quoted Comment That’s true

Personally I wouldn’t be mad. I missed my best friends party one year because we had tickets and reservations for a weekend away. I got the invitation to her party months after our plans were made. She didn’t hold it against me and I wouldn’t hold it against someone who couldn’t make it to our wedding for the same reasons.


True friends understand!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this!

Why can’t you do the weekend trip the week before or the week after?

I would definitely go to the wedding. Birthdays come every year and a wedding is once in a lifetime! Especially if this is a good friend

I would go to the wedding. That’s a day that cannot be replaced and will happen once in a lifetime. A weekend getaway can happen any weekend, and birthdays are annual. It’s super sweet that your fiancé wants to do that for you, but if you’re close to this person, her once in a lifetime event should be a priority to you.

View Quoted Comment I missed this part when I first commented. In that case, talk with him and really think about it. Honestly think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed and she didn’t attend yours for the same reason. Then, take what you know about who she is and think about what her reaction might be.

Birthdays come every year. Hopefully this will be her ONE and only wedding day. Move your bday celebration and be there for your girl!