Friend's wedding on New Years Eve drama!

My FH received a text Saturday night from the groom saying he has a free room for us and a shuttle to the place if we attend. We assume people have bailed on him and he needs to fill the room. So we start debating going again since the RSVP isn't until Dec. 1. Then Monday we find out it's not a room, but we'd be sharing a room with a single guy that my FH was friends with in college. I immediately say no we're not doing that. Then we also find out the groom is just sending his brother to pick us up at the airport, which makes me think they are desperate for people to fill a headcount for their wedding. Now I'm annoyed since the groom is manipulating my FH to attend this event and now my FH really wants to go again! My FH even looked at using our airlines points for himself (that we were planning on using for my out of state bridal shower) to cut down the flight cost by $300. At this point I tell my FH to stop we cannot go to this hot mess that will cost us over $1,000 to be uncomfortable. So now my FH wants to go ALONE and we wouldn't be together on New Year's Eve! I'm at a loss on what to do! Any advice is appreciated and I'm sorry I had to vent!!

Hmmm.

It might be a good time, you never know. Is it the cost alone that is making you hesitant?

Your FH seems to want to go, he may miss his bud, and can overlook the other stuff because of that.... you know guys do not think like us women.

I think him going alone is a great compromise since you obviously don't want to go and he does. He can crash with the single guy and have fun at his friend's wedding and you can still have a fun New Year's Eve with friends or family.

I can understand why you would be hesitant as that is quite a bit of money to drop. We are saving for our honeymoon too and I'm always weighing costs of things like that to what can be saved. I'm sorry you are frustrated with FH. I get it. Maybe instead of just saying "no we're not going" have a sit down with him and show him where the money would be going and why you want him to not use your airline miles. My guy needs to see stuff like that for it to hit home so that might be an option?

@2B_Mrs.J.T. - I completely forgot to add that the following week we will be traveling to Florida for a wedding because I'm in the bridal party! So it's the money plus just a ton of travel back to back.

@Ali - He would be alone at the wedding. His other college friend is a groomsman, so they wouldn't be seated together. Plus, this is the only New Year's Eve that we'll be engaged and I would like to spend it together.

@FutureMrsCohen - We did that initially, which is why we weren't going. Now that the groom has been harassing him he wants to go regardless of money.

I'm going to play Devils advocate here. you obviously don't want to go, but if he went alone, he'd have a free room and transportation, so he'd only have to get the flight. I know you said "we" were using them for YOUR shower, but essentially it's him v. you on who they get spent on. You want the bridal shower credit and he wants the wedding credit. Can you each use half of the miles to be fair? At the end of the day, it's not all about you and what you want and missing new years eve together is not the end of the world if it means you working together as a team to make decisions.

You should sit him down and go over the numbers - that is a lot of money to drop, and it doesn't sound like you're too close to the couple

But your literally going to have every single one married from now on though. one engaged one isn't a big deal.

@kimmyinjapan - The credits don't even cover a round trip flight for one person. He'd only spend it the way there. Since it's the holiday weekend they double the amount of points needed to spend, so he'd still spend $435 to get there PLUS all our airline points. Or we could save them for the roundtrip bridal shower flight.

I'd have him go alone. Or if I'm being totally honest I'd find a way to go with him. I like weddings and a wedding on NYE sounds like it could be a good time.

Since you clearly have no interest in attending the best compromise is for him to go alone. Sharing a hotel sucks but having his brother pick you up from the airport is fine.

Does he really want to go or is he only leaning that way because the groom is as you said harassing him? If he truly wants to go and is aware of the financial implications, then he should go. You will have lots of NYE together.

@Ali - Honestly, I'm not sure at this point. Ever since Saturday he's gotten bombarded with texts from the groom pressuring my FH to give him an answer. Before this he was fine with not spending the money and not attending. He was disappointed, but he wasn't making a big deal over it like he is now.

And the weirdest part is, he barely ever talks to the groom! Last time they spoke was at that other college friend's wedding in September since they were both there. Before that I don't even think they had spoken since we got engaged and he just said congrats...

I'll also play devil's advocate. It's OK to spend money and airline point to attend a shower for you and it's OK to spend money to attend a wedding you will be in, but it's not OK to spend money for your FH to attend the wedding of his friend. In your place, I'd support his desire to attend his friend's wedding. Tell him to have a good time and then make plans with friends or family for NYE. And stop with whining about how this is the only NYE where you will be engaged. You're marrying him and will have decades of NYE together. Yes, I think you are being a bit selfish.

@Going to the chapel - The thing is, I don't even think he labels this guy as a friend anymore. They don't keep in touch at all. The other wedding we are going to is costing us half of what this New Year's Eve wedding will cost us, after factoring in the free room, shuttle, and airline points. Plus, we keep in touch with this other couple and they have visited us here in TX and we've gone to see them in FL, etc. My FH hasn't seen this NYE guy in over 5 years and just met the fiancé at the wedding in Sep.

And I get that I sound whiny about the NYE thing. We moved to Texas by ourselves, so I'd be alone on NYE. I don't have a good excuse for it!

There are other airports you can fly into around charleston. Charlotte is a few hours and then there is Savannah and Columbia. FH and I went to a wedding in CT last year but flew into RI to save money.

It seems as though maybe he missed his friend and seeing him at the wedding brought that back. I understand that he was fine until his friend started texting and asking if he was coming, and maybe that made him realize he want to go. He seems to be fine going alone so why not let him go alone? I get being alone on NYE can be kind of hard for you, but really you don't have to be alone you can go with him you just don't want to? It sounds to me like you are being just a bit selfish because from the comments it looks like he really wants to go now. I say it sounds like fun take a chance and join him or stay home alone, but don't make him miss out because you don't want to be uncomfortable!

@Vandekerklove - We actually need to be in Edisto Island. It's already an hour from CHS.

@FutureMrsG - He got home from work about an hour ago and we we were looking at flights again. It's just too expensive for me to accompany him ($700 roundtrip flight).

Why can't he drive?

@kimmyinjapan - This would be a 16 hour drive. We wouldn't even make it in time for the wedding!

How wouldn't you make it in time for the wedding if you left on Friday and the wedding is Saturday night? then you could take Monday or a half day and again, he could go himself and use the free room. If he wants to go, you guys could easily make it work however you want though.