Friendor horror stories

People tend to think that the ability to speak in public is enough for a friendor/officiant.

It's not.

The same can be said for any friendor who isn't bona fide pro with a contract and clear expectations from the client and dozens, if not hundreds of weddings under their belts. Your friend who dj's at clubs may not be right for a wedding. Your cousin who takes maternity shots may not be the right pick for a wedding.

My personal horror stories? DJ's who are simply awful (one played a Christmas hymn for the processional, who miss cues, It was May. Photographers who have no idea how to stage a wedding in any kind of timely way. Video people with giant setups and intrusive behavior. Coordinators who don't coordinate. Late MUA's.

And actually anyone who is late, dressed inappropriately and decides to be part of the party.

I won't even go into food, because friendor food is an awful, awful idea.

And why do so many people want their friends to work?

A family friend of MIL's offered to do our flowers for us. she did an incredible job in the end, but spent more money than we had originally agreed on, and went a little bit wilder than we had asked her to. everything was beautiful, but it cost us more than we had originally bargained for. although she also ended up acting as a de facto DOC, since we hadn't hired one...which was helpful, for sure, but i had been fully prepared to handle the day of stuff myself, and our logistics weren't even all that complicated, but she kind of made a few things more complicated than they needed to be. it could've turned out way worse, but if i had it to do over again, i'd hire a legit florist. it's way harder to say no to a friend, or be firm, or communicate your dissatisfaction.

As PP have said, the key is that they be professionals and please have a contract!!, I'm using a couple of friendors, but each and every one of them are pros and I've seen their work (we actually already booked our photographer for my goddaughter's christening and loved his work), we're also using a friend's husband's coworker as a DJ and a close friend of FH is making our sweets table, all are being paid full price and we have a contract with each one of them. Although FBIL did have a horrible time at his wedding because of a friendor who was in charge of the catering, but he didn't have a contract with her, and she was still in culinary school, and she delivered at most half of the amount of food they paid her for (and yes, they paid her less to "save money"), so... you see the difference

With my 1st wedding I had just had a baby and didn't feel much like planning beyond who and what dresses/tuxes, so I left it to my ex's mom to plan it. Horrible idea. She acted as wedding coordinator. It was a potluck, (except the food came from her friends that weren't invited) the cake was a gift from her friend, (it tasted awful since it was covered in fondant) the church had no A.C. and it was 100+ degrees outside. And there was no alcohol at all. I felt like crap leading up to the wedding, felt like crap at the wedding and felt like crap for most of that marriage. Only good thing from him and his family is my 2 beautiful children.

I think if it is someone that you aren't SO close to that you could still easily get a contract and enforce that, then go for it. We're likely having a few people that we know from in passing (FH's coworkers professional photographer daughter, a guy I went to HS with but was never close with who professionally DJs, etc.). But, I think the difference from those and an actual friendor is 1) I'm not very close with them, 2) they are professionals that I just happen to sort of know, and 3) we will 100% have contracts for all of our vendors.

We are likely having a few "friendors" I never thought it would be an issue

Friendors are fine if you have a backup plan and it won't ruin your day if something happens.

Our officiant was a close friend of the family (if she hadn't been able to attend last minute, we would have had someone else read the script then go to a JP later).

Our photog was a friend of mine from high school, we paid and had a contract for X number of hours but she threw in some extra as a gift.

My brother was going to play guitar for our ceremony. He got busy w school and didn't feel comfortable/hadn't practiced enough, so we used a speaker and Bluetooth from my DOC's phone. No big deal.

If you're pretty chill in general and have a backup plan that's perfectly acceptable to you and can be executed last minute, friendors are fine. But that's probably about 2% of brides on these boards. If it isn't you, don't do it.

We had one friendor and that was my MIL. She did my hair, and seeing as she is the only person who I have let touch my hair in the past five years, there was no way I was going to let anyone else do it. We had an appointment together a few week before the wedding so that we could agree on how my hair was going to be done. She is a licensed hair dresser, and owns a salon. I think the key to using a friendor is making sure they are actual professionals, not just doing it to do it.

ETA: words.