Friendor horror stories

If you will not feel comfortable enforcing the contract if something goes wrong, that is all the convincing you need

I'm using a friendor as my florist; however by trade she is a professional florist. She owns flower shops and has been in the flower business for 25 years. I have seen her work, and think it's amazing. If you do decide to use a friendor I would only do it if they are professionals in what they do, and definitely have a contract with what is expected for their service.

I think the problem with friendors is most people only think about the fact that it'll be convenient or save you money, but they neglect to consider what happens if they don't fulfill their end of the contract or if you're disappointed with the results. it could be friendship ending. the best part of hiring outside people is they are 3rd parties to it all and you can solely treat them like hired professionals - no personal attachment. anddddd my disclaimer is that i technically had a "friendor". i had my brother marry us and he was amazing. but i was definitely nervous in the week leading up to the wedding because i had no idea how it was going to work out.

Most of these people FH suggest are professionals.

The only one who I guess id be most concerned about is the coordinator but she is currently in college for wedding planning.

Get a contract, are they professionals that do this for a living? If you are paying their normal price, getting a contract and such just like anyone else would-I wouldn't see it as a big deal, especially if they aren't someone whom you'd invite to the wedding anyway.

There's been plenty of horror stories on here, my cousin hired a family friend of 12+ years who does photography on the side to shoot their wedding, it's been 9 months and still no photos, and no contract.

We are asking a close friend as our officiant, but have seen him perform weddings before. He is an attorney (has been a huge support system and role model for me as I finish law school) and a fraternity brother of FH. I feel extremely confident in him or else I wouldn't even bother.

I have photographer friends offering their services, and I am not comfortable with that AT ALL.

We had three friendors, one of whom was our officiant, who had done several weddings before and also offered to be DOC, which she had also done before. She had already helped me with the wedding planning so I decided to pay her and we had a contract for the officiating. She got very busy at work right before the wedding, so I ended up outlining the ceremony and sending it to her to edit, which took me 15 minutes maybe. FH helped and our ceremony was wonderful and very personal, which our guests loved. Our officiant and our venue coordinator added a few touches and ran the rehearsal perfectly. She actually had a death in the family right before the wedding weekend and I repeatedly asked her if she needed to opt out in the weeks leading up, due to her work schedule and the death. I had back up DOCs and officiants through our venue, but she elected to stay on board anyway. She did leave the wedding early after handing out all the tips in advance, which was fine. Our venue coordinator handled everything and my MOHs took over the little things that remained (MOH actually wanted to be DOC as well but I wanted her to be guest and enjoy herself. She decided to spend the night following me and FH around making sure we ate and drank instead. Very useful and kind.

Our other friendors were my regular hairstylist and a makeup artists she works with at the shop. I did trials with each of them until I was satisfied and then wrote out contracts for both of them, with the only stipulation that they would find coverage if they had last minute emergencies and give me back my money. They appreciated the contracts actually as it also locked me into a set minumum payment and travel costs no matter what they ended up doing. I also fed them and gave them an option to stay for the reception since they traveled for the wedding, unlike our other vendors.

The main point I am trying to make is, have a backup plan, protect yourself and the friendors, have contracts and trials to make sure you are going to be happy with the services provided, and be prepared to go with someone else if you have too. I am very close with these people and I made sure to treat them well and they did the same in return, because of our existing relationship. I just wish I could have talked my friend out of officiating and docing after the death, but she would not have it, so I just simplified her tasks so she just had to show up. She actually asked for stuff to do and showed up early in order to stay busy and keep her mind off of things.

I agree with others: if you are in the least uncomfortable, hire a pro that is not a friend. A family member of mine had the bride's brother do the photography for their wedding. Nice, huh? Well it was 1987 (nothing digital) and he forgot to put film in the camera.

We had a friend do backup music for our lunch reception: It went great as he is a professional musician, it was not a side job.

Having something go wrong could result in hurt feelings and the lost of a friendship.

There's a friendor that has offered but is an amateur, and there's a friendor that is a professional (whether full time or part time) and you have seen them at work and are comfortable. We have two "friendors" - our officiant and our DJ - but the first attended seminary and works at our church and is our ceremony by the book, and the second has DJed at several other weddings and clearly knows what he's doing.

I would also reiterate using professionals and making sure you have a contract!

I'm using a family friend as my DOC But she's been in the business 20+ years, there's a signed contract and I'm paying full price for get serviced. She honestly wouldn't have gotten an invitation otherwise. I say that to say as long as they're professional and treat your wedding as any other every they'd work then it'll be fine. But if you feel they'll slack off because you're friends then hire an outside professional

I am the exception to the friendor rule here, as I don't hate them as much as WW seems to. We have a friendor DJ but he has been in the business for years and has a full contract.

The only friendors that I'm using are people who have company doing so. DJ, photographer and videographer. My mom told me about friends she knows for catering, decor, florist -- I'm trying to avoid them at all costs.

@ Sarah and others...I think the "in the business for years and has a full contract" is the difference

I'm using a number of what I suppose are considered "friendors". I have contracts with all of them. They are all professionals in their fields.

For some, that's still too close and it's a valid concern to possibly ruin a friendship if things go south. If it's not for you, it's not for you. OP, it sounds like these people aren't really "friends", they're professionals you happen to know casually outside of their professions. No real issue going with any of them so long as you like their work and have a contract written up.

I think some things are okay to friendor as long as they are a pro in real life. Our officiant is FH's uncle. He is the pastor of a church and marries all of their family, and it was the only thing he really cared about.

But if they just do something in their spare time i'd probably hard pass.

My MUA was my MOHs sister. She is a professional beautician and has her own business. She is the only one I ever go to get tans, nails and makeup done from so there was no way I would have not asked her to do my wedding. My mother made my cake with my input, but she also makes wedding cakes professionally and her kitchen is approved by the healthboard. When we were booking our venue it was something we checked with them that we could bring in an outside cake as it was a deal breaker for us. My mum would have been so disappointed if someone else did our cake and well I would have hated it too. Definitely if you do hire friendors make sure they are professionals.

My hair stylist and photographer were friendors. They both did an amazing job. Two things to note - you must be willing to enforce a contract (this means potentially damaging a relationship if it doesn't turn out as planned) and your expectations must be realistic (you get what you pay for.)

I was very picky about my friendors. They are professionals, not hobbyist. We weren't their first wedding. We had a contract. I combed through those suckers with a fine-toothed comb. We only talked about wedding stuff during appointments.

Please don't use friendors as a way to save money either. Pay them a fair amount and use them because you actually love their work. If not, it's not worth it.

I think the biggest issue is hiring someone because they're your friend or you think they'll be cheaper. If you wouldn't hire them if they were a stranger, don't hire them period. I have a very dear friend that is a hairstylist. She's done several weddings, proms and has even done hair at bridal shows. She's also one of the only people I let touch my hair. If she's able, I want to hire her to do my hair. I have another friend that is a photographer. I've seen her work and she's pretty amazing. She's the first one I'm going to ask. Another friend is a DJ. From what I've seen, he isn't that great, but I know he's cheap. He's funny and charismatic and a great speaker, but there are some things with the music side that just don't do it for me. He won't be on the list.

Technically our photographer was a friendor too. She is the wife of one of Hs close friends. We were definitely inviting them to the wedding, but they were not local so we went with another group to do our engagement shots. We had a phone interview and reviewed her website and Facebook page before booking her. We signed contracts and paid full price. She was so professional and wonderful and gave us tons of great tips and suggestions. She took our input and handled our pushy families so well. She captured EVERYTHING and I made sure she ate and had down time when nothing was going on, as our family was relentless about hunting her, H, and I down for photos. I am waiting for the official photos still per our contract, but I have a ton of amateur photo and video that turned our great so I have high expectations for her work too!

We were going to hire my FH's cousin as he DJs. He "said" he would do our wedding and just a few months ago we couldn't get a hold of them at all. I was leary of him DJing oyr wedding to begin with and we finally just said we will hiring someone for it. Couldnt trust he would do all he needed to do. One of the best decisions we made. Now, we do have other friendors of ours that legit do things professionally (caterer, photographer) and Im talking about they made "Best of.." lists in the city of Chicago. I do trust them completely because they have done a ton of weddings before including super high-end.