Friend turned who knows what.

If any of my friends' spouses DARED to write to me what her husband wrote to you, I'd be done. My husband doesn't speak for me or fight my battles, and I will not be friends with someone who would let their spouse speak to me like that.

You may or may not have handled things perfectly, but even so, based on everything you wrote I think your "friend" showed her true colors during her wedding, and they're ugly af. I'd ignore the text and just let the friendship continue to drift towards its end. It sounds like there is nothing to gain from being friends with this person.

Meet with her face to face or send an email to say thank you but due to the way she treated you, you're not sure that you want to invite her and her husband. If she brushes it off, doesn't apologize, tries to make you into a bad person, etc, then this person doesn't deserve your friendship.
Yes it hurts when it's a long time friendship, but you will be so much happier when you cut toxic people from your life

I'm sorry, I forgot that you were asking about advice to help move on. I'd try to focus on how much more positive your life is without this person. I had a friend who recently let a toxic person out of her life and she is so much happier now. It's hard to lose a friend, but it seriously sounds like this girl would bring nothing good into your life at this point. You said you would never forgive yourself if you treated people the way she treated you, which to me is a clear sign that this person is not someone worth your time. Focus on making new friends, spending time with your fiance, and surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not people who will drag you down and make you feel horrible.

I am in a similar situation with a long time friend of 20+ years.
My advice for you is to just leave all of what she did in the past along with her and her husband. You can't have that type of toxicity in your life especially when you are about to start a new life with your FH.
Sometimes friendships end and it is okay. I know it hurts but look toward your future and stay positive.
No matter what, stop trying to justify what she did and how long you have been friends, it's not worth it.
Good luck and congrats

That's not a friend. I wouldn't respond to the text. She and her H should have no part of your life.

Sometimes people just aren’t worth the effort. Don’t feel guilty about cutting ties with her, she doesn’t sound like a great friend anyways. Focus on planning your wedding, and starting you life with your FH

You can respond and say thank you. That doesn’t mean you’re bffs again, or you should invite her to your wedding. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened.

Make sure you are happy. Don't let her ruin the most special time of your life right now. She showed her true colors, she didn't feel yall friendship was worth working through then. Why all of a sudden she popping up now. Her husband also had no right getting inbetween ya'll disagreement. Ya'll problems were between you two. As friendship you'll have disagreements but if you can't see where the other is coming from or atleast try thats not a true friendship. Try to meet her face to face and talk and see how things go. If she still puts the blame on you be done with it. But it would help to hear what she has to say. She may have realize things should have not went the way they did.

Having a friend for such a long time can truly complicate things when the relationship has gone awry. It’s hard to let go of the memories even after that person has hurt you. Her not being understanding of your grandfathers death nor of your financial situation to me means that she was not the friend you thought she was. If it was me, ignoring the text would eat away at me. I would respond along the lines of “Thank you, but unfortunately, until you are willing to discuss what transpired leading up to and during your wedding with regards to our friendship, I do not have any desire to further communicate.” As far as moving past this, time is the only true solution. Eventually you will think about it less and less until finally you realize that you actually are much happier.

I agree with others that it's best to not respond. BUT if it would make you feel better, you could write an email or letter telling her how your REALLY feel, then just not send it. But it might be good to get it out.

Oh man I'd be texting back a:

"Thanks."

Her husband was out of LINE. Why was he reading HER email?! Why did he reach out to your FH? What in the actual eff! Seriously, I would ask to talk to her in person to clear this up!

*raises hand* I was kicked out of my BEST friends wedding a week after her wedding shower. Yep my dad died in the wedding planning process. I begged (quite literally) for someone to help me watch my little one so I could make funeral arrangements and such. She couldn't possibly. She handed me shards of leftover time. Wanna know what she was doing? Some type of wedding show with a mutual friend. That mutual friend cancelled on her to help her grieving friend! Me! Her response? "Tuh. You'll have to help me find a makeup artist then". 😏 good friend.

My 5 year old was booted out too. Yep. Try explaining that one! Lol

Weddings can sometimes bring out the worst in people. Rise above. Ignore it...Be cordial... whatever you decide is best for you. Be the bride you wish she was. I'm sorry she did that to you. Believe me I feel your pain entirely. But you're better off. I promise.

She’s a hot mess. Good riddance to her. I wouldn’t reply at all—not even a thank you. Your friendship was over when her husband jumped in your emails and tried to assassinate your character. You know what they say, birds of a feather. Those two deserve each other. Keep it moving Hun... and don’t give them a second thought. If she wanted to make things right or felt she was wrong, she had an entire year to make amends. She clearly think her actions were okay.

Weddings really do make people show their true colors - often times that's referring mainly to the bride and groom. I went through an intense personal tragedy while a friend was wedding planning and was apparently not emotionally available enough for her taste. This despite taking multiple days off, attending and helping to plan every event, being sent home from the bridal shower to change because i was wearing a dress and she caught a glimpse of my spandex (that went nearly to my knee, that she could see only while we were doing set up because she had insisted i get on my hands and knees under the table to make sure it was sturdy.... it was a sweater dress and i was covered from collar bones to knees). So when she threw earlier stated personal tragedy in my face repeatedly as I started my own planning, I chose to stop replying to her about anything aside from our mutual business endeavor that has since ceased to exist. It's been nearly six months now and girl - I CAN BREATHE. Its not easy at first, you might need to lean a little harder on your fiance and your other girl friends. But removing the toxic is critical to your own health. You can do it!

Woooowww. You can't make this stuff up. I am sorry you were put through this, and I am sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

I could type a huge comment, but all that needs to be said is this: the friendship is over. Do not reply. You don't need those kind of people in your life. Bye. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Thanks so so much! You’re thoughts and advice has helped. I think - I’m going to just ignore it. While what I need is an actual appology I need to accept this will likely never happen. She was a great friend for many years - but turned out awful and I hate how it ended. It was so petty.

Honestly the story is worse than I actually sounded up top.

For example: the MOH was also terrible to work with. She didn’t include myself or the other bridesmaid on anything. When I went all the way to visit the bride 9 hours away to try to talk to her and work this out with her and - try to show her that I did in fact care - she was awful and just took my reasons for not being able to go to the shower as excuses. Sorry I live 9 hours away and I can’t take off of work that day and I couldn’t afford a plane ticket. Sorry this is an excuse apparently. When I got home after trying to talk her into reason - things got better slightly - until the MOH sent the bridal shower invites. Then she sent myself and the other bridesmaid an email essentially demanding I send her money. I told her I’d contribute when I saw her at the wedding. She snitched on me to the bride who just yelled at me for being rude. I told her I wanted to be included in the process of planning the shower if I am asked to contribute and o was annoyed by this. She said I was of line and the fact I wasn’t going and now was complaining about contributing was horrible as she expected me to get games and make party favours and I wouldn’t be in town to help. I should be so lucky one of her family members offered to help contribute to where I was lacking. The bride also stuck her self into some of the bachelorette planning too.

The other thing was one of the things she said at the wedding. This is one of the things that got brought up in the husbands message. At the wedding they were talking about death and weird coincidences. I had lost my father a year and a bit earlier and my grandfather on my maternal side 6 months earlier. Honestly based on this topic I didn’t even bring up, I was just going to tell them a story about how my dad managed to get a burial plot next to his parents who does 30 years ago. What are the chances. Thing is - the second I started telling my story the MOH and bride got up and started talking together and cut me off. I decided to lie when they came back and said “what’s your story” rudedly. I was pissed by it so I just said - you know talking about death upsets right now. It’s hest to change the subject. So apparently the bride told the groom I was having therapy hour in the back of the limo. Yeah no.

Sorry I just needed to vent some of this out!

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I don’t know. I probably upset her with my honesty? He was being defensive and wanted to hurt me by making me lose him? That’s all I can think.

He liked to be included in things. When she first started getting mean - what’s was around the same time he sent me a message with just an article identifying roles for a bridesmaid. He was also wedding obsessed and played some roles in this I’m sure.

She lives far away. I hopefully won’t see her again face to face.

I was in a similar situation last year. I lost both parents and a was in a BP two months after my mum's burial. My friend was totally cold to me because I wasn't as committed as she wanted. But I tried how best I can. I let go and inviting her to my wedding but I'm now very aware of who she it. Marriage indeed change people.
But if her husband sent me any message like yours, I will be totally done with her. That was just disrespectful. Reply her message with a thank you and move on.
I am trying to treat my bridesmaids so well. I want my BT to be really happy.

I'd ignore her, sounds like she is fishing for an invite.

Hit her with the “new phone, who’s this?” 😂😂😂