Friend told unofficially told me I’d be a bridesmaid, but then never asked - feeling hurt.

Did you mean to post this twice?

Well, you basically forced her to name you 10 months ago when you asked about her bridal party. What was she supposed to do? Not include you in that list? If she had said yes, but not named who she was thinking of, would you have dropped it or would you have asked for the names?

As adults we know that we aren't included in everything. We move on from when that happens. On the positive side, you don't have to spend a lot of money on a dress, hair/makeup and parties.

So... I ran into a similar situation but on the other side of things. So my cousin who I am/was very close with assumed that she was going to be in my wedding party. I chose to not ask her because of many things (which now i am glad i did because her life has done what i suspected it would do) so there may be reasons why she didnt choose you, whether that be location, feelings of you knowing you know about the cheating.. idk!

Now this cousin of mine did approach me and ask me why I wasnt having her in the wedding, and i lovingly explained it to her, and she has now decided not to come to the wedding. So i would try to hear her out, see if she has any reservations, or if she just maybe had too many people.

My advice though would be, although hurt, be okay with her decision. You know how hard wedding planning can be! So just support her and be a good friend as you have been all along!

I understand you may be a bit disappointed but, you really need to get over this. Unfortunately, this problem is mostly yours to bear since you pressured her into naming you a BM in the first place. You say you didn't want to force her to include you but, it would have been very uncomfortable and awkward after you placed her on the spot. Be happy for your friend, don't breed any resentment, and let it go.

Maybe its just me but, I love when I get to attend a friend's wedding without being a BM. Be grateful that you can just attend the wedding and have fun without all the other expenses/hassle.

Thanks! except she kind brought it up again months later and said ( after someone suggested her brother, that she wants as her man of honor marry them as it can be more meaningful) only to turn to me and say, hmm maybe, but as long as he stands on OUR side. So, wth? LOL. If I were here I wouldn't have said that and then not ask me. I appreciate the advice, who knows her reasons...I guess I never thought she would possibly exclude me for being there for her during a tough time.

I think you need to get over it. I know you feel close to her and may be hurt but if she has family or childhood best friends I'm sure they take precedence over you. I have plenty of friends I'm close to and have been close to in the past that I couldn't ask because I couldn't afford (nor did I want) a huge bridal party. You said she was drunk when she said your name, she might have only said because you were right there or she might have not asked you because you know about the cheating and having you up there makes her feel weird about it.

Either way, consider it a blessing in disguise. Its less money you have to spend on a dress, travel, helping plan, etc. Now you can just go the wedding and enjoy it as a great guest and celebrate with them. I don't think I'll ever understand being hurt about not being in a bridal party because I'd rather save my money and stress and just enjoy the wedding from the outside of the circle.

Girl! I totally get it! People make decisions for weird reasons! Who knows.. good luck though

Yes, not include me in the list! I would have just thought well she has too many friends, but not be told I am and then I am not. It makes me feel like she changed her mind about me and expects me to forget it. I also said it jokingly to her not expecting me her to answer me seriously. I can see if I straight up said, why aren't I a bridesmaid, or am I included? She also brought it up again months later stating she wanted her brother to stand on our side.

She was totally sober. LOL. She was drunk when she asked my mom to host her engagement party at my moms lake house. She's entitled to ask who she wants. Yes, I would so enjoy the wedding if I wasn't close with the other bridesmaids or my own husband who will be gone half the night participating in the wedding photos haha- usually a blessing but not this time! I am spending money anyway :-)

Thanks Allie! I appreciate not being told I am not being an adult about this. Like I am suppose to feel guilty for being hurt. Everyone is saying enjoy the wedding, while all the people I know are in the wedding party, including my husband? LOL. I will sit alone. Knowing noone. YAY!

I'd still get over it. Its really not a big deal at the end of the day and its totally her decision. I wouldn't bring it up to her because it will just be awkward and put her in an uncomfortable place.

I agree not to bring it up, she has enough going on! and I will get over it. But, I can't say I won't look at the friendship differently that she made me think I was being honored on her day to just leave me hanging. I have been a bride, and recently enough to know that just because you are the bride doesn't mean you get a pass to confused the hell out of people.

Man do I hope you're gut is true! But, she didn't really "ask" me. It is my fault for even joking with her before she actually got the ring lol..but she was serious in her answer and could have just said I dont know who I am having entirely. Done, no big deal. I wouldn't take the question as omg i better list her! We are adults, don't say that knowing you will take it back is my point! :-)

The problem with bringing it up to her is that it may make her feel pressured into adding OP because she brought it up. Maybe she needed to have a smaller BP than she originally thought and it's not personal. You can't control your feelings, but you can choose to not dwell on it. If you feel like you will be bored at the reception, you can decline to attend and say you had another commitment.

I would just let it go. She also said it while she was drunk/intoxicated... tbh being a bridesmaids is just unnecessary spending/work. Haha