friend thinks having a big vow renewal is tacky

Tacky?! No way! There are a few women on this forum having their vows renewed! You go girl!

Its not tacky. Its beautiful to celebrate 10 wonderful years with each other

Which vowel?

She'll get over it. Do what you want.

I'll never understand this attitude.

get married for the 5th time is cause for celebration, but celebrate a happy marriage of 10 years plus with a wedding and you get called tacky.

btw- how long has your friend been married that thinks you are so tacky?

Lol ChampagneTaste. You're on a damn roll today

Sadly, I have nothing better to do

Miss tacky will not be invited! simple as that. she can sit at home eating her bon bons while you party the night away with good people

Well I guess good thing it's not for her! If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come period. Enjoy your day

Well it will be a slightly smaller vow renewal when you don't invite her...win win!

I'm literally laughing my butt off @ champagne taste! Silly :*

You know what I think is tacky? Friends or anyone in general who think they can say that a vow renewal is tacky. whats it to her?! tell her to kick rocks. You're celebrating 10 years of marriage! That's amazing!!! I would LOVE to have a vow renewal at my 10 year anniversary. Absolutely, GO FOR IT! she doesn't have to attend since its tacky :p

Thanks so much ladies, feeling better about my celebration! I've known her for 15 years, I was one of her bridesmaids 12 years ago. I guess some people don't know how to be happy for others.

Ye-es .... It has become the fashion on wedding etiquette websites to denigrate ladies who plan a big party for anything other than a "real" wedding. I have a theory that the brides-to-be who bring the most vituperative to bear against what they call "Pretty Princess Days" are trying to distract attention from the self-serving details they are planning to foist onto their guests during their own "real" weddings.

The bottom line is: if it is rude to do at a party, it is rude to do at a wedding. And vice-versa.

Is it rude to wear a beautiful dress? No. Go for it. Any colour you want, including white. Etiquette requires that it be appropriate to the formality of the occasion and the time of day. Do you want to wear a full-length off-the-shoulder ball-gown to your 10th-Anniversary Ball? Perfect! Do you want to wear the same thing to a back-yard barbecue or a court-house ceremony? Not so appropriate, even if folk who love you will politely ignore the impropriety.

I think any bride that did not get a wedding should have a big wedding for a renewal.

In the same vein: do you plan a receiving line to greet your guests and introduce them to your guests of honour (otherwise known as your friends who are standing up for you)? That's good manners. Do you plan to arrive after your guests, be announced for a grand entrance, and dress your friends all alike in unflattering dresses so that they don't upstage you? Bad idea -- whether you are a bride or not.

It is called "giving" a party for a reason -- because *giving* is an act of generosity and generosity is what leads you to offer hospitality. Hospitality builds up communities, strengthens relationships, brings people together. Shame on anyone who thinks ill of it!

Because you asked for opinions, I think that getting dressed up as if it's your wedding day (which it's not) and then reading "vows" that you've already taken is silly. I won't say "tacky", but I don't really get why people do it-- the whole point of a wedding day is that you only get one, so make it special in whatever way you choose. You don't get "do-overs" in real life. I think if people want to have an anniversary party, that's great, but to register for gifts, walk down the aisle in a white dress, get upset when people don't call you a bride, plan you a shower, or take a weekend off of work to go to Vegas with you for a bachelorette party is baffling to me. However, it's everyone's own decision and I'd never say that to a friend who was having one in real life. I also think that the way you're doing it-- no birdal party, not asking for gifts-- is the best way to go about it.

ETA: I don't mean to offend anyone who is having a vow renewal. You can do whatever you like.

Just to clarify: OP said in her post she was NOT planning to "register for gifts, ... [have] a shower, or take a weekend off of work to go to Vegas ... for a bachelorette party." A lot of the trash that is talked about "PPDs" seems to involve starting with the assumption that the hostess is planning to do offensive things, and then vilifying them based on those often-false assumptions.

I, myself, 'get' very clearly why a lady would want to host her friends and family to share in her celebration and happiness; and if she takes care of their needs, safety and entertainment while they are under her roof, and treats them with respect and generosity, I 'get' why they should be very happy to accept her invitation.

I asked my FH did he wana renew our vows 10 yrs after we get married, he think it's pointless

I actually never thought about it nor cared too much to do it

Hmmm....think I'm starting to see why some care so much.

if you can have another wedding later, then it takes away from the whole idea of doing so much because you only get the one shot.

or that it would somehow make the first wedding less special if you had the mindset that you can have another one whenever and wherever you please at a later date.

in general my attitude to is it like a lot of things. if you don't like it, then don't do it. if you want to do whatever, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks. it's not like their opinions truly factor in to what your decision should be anyhow.

listen to women talking in the steam room sometime. in a world where many couples expect their gift to cost as much as they paid per person, lots of people find any kind of wedding above and beyond the basics to be a gift grabby show.

I think everyone should just get over what other people are doing for their celebrations and tend their own gardens. feel how you want on things.

Honestly‚ I have never like vow renewals that are made to be weddings especially when a large wedding was had the first time. I know you didn't have a wedding that was big the first time so its a little difference. If my friend was married for 10 years and wanted to do a vow renewal where she was in a wedding dress walking down the isle I would think it was silly. A nice anniversary party though with dancing and a dinner I think would be fun though. You only get one wedding an vows don't expire so therefore don't need renewed. To each their own though. If you do do it I hope its an awesome day for you!