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wadergirl
Dedicated September 2012

Friend is Officiating - What will they wear?

wadergirl, on April 6, 2012 at 11:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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A friend of ours who is a formerly ordained minister (Methodist I think? I forget) is getting "re-ordained" (internet or something, we don't have it all figured out yet) in order to perform our ceremony.

Attire questionss...

This never really occurred to me because I always thought I'd be married by a Pastor who'd wear his church vestments. Now that's not happening.

So, would it be okay for me to have him wear something specific (i.e. a style of suit, ala on the same order of telling the groom/groomsmen what to wear)? I mean, I'm not all about having him -match- the wedding party or anything like that, I'd just prefer if it didn't entirely clash. Smiley smile I also am not so controlling that I need to tell him -exactly- what to wear, but I'd like a little advance warning, or at least know I'm not being totally rude if I ask for something.

Thanks for the input! Like I said, something that never occurred to me that I might have to consider.

11 Comments

Latest activity by heavenlyyoyo, on April 7, 2012 at 8:44 PM
  • ?
    VIP September 2019
    ?WhitneyNichole? ·
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    When my parents got married the pastor they had just wore a regular suit Smiley smile it was a charcoal grey, he also wore a button up shirt and a nice tie. I think what ever you choose to have your friend wear will look and be fine. Unless there is some secret rule according to the religion that your friend is ordained in.

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  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·
    • Flag

    I think it's fine to ask him if he could wear a neutral suit. Beyond that I wouldn't ask him to wear or avoid certain colors or styles though. If it's not something you would ask of a Pastor or another officiant, I probably wouldn't ask it of your friend, if that makes sense.

    That's fun! In CO anybody can officiate a wedding so I've been to several weddings where friends officiate. Those are some of the best ceremonies I remember. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Sherri
    Expert April 2012
    Sherri ·
    • Flag

    My friend is marrying us also.

    I told him to wear a suit thats not too crazy and he can wear whatever color shirt and tie with it.

    Plus alllllll of his piercings lol. but thats me =]

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  • wadergirl
    Dedicated September 2012
    wadergirl ·
    • Flag

    Haha... he'd be more than welcome to show any of his tats and piercings (well, when wearing a suit, of course) that he'd like... if he had any.

    I was more thinking that with the groom/groomsmen in pseudo-victorian styled morning suits, there might be some styles of suits that might just not go with the whole "theme" of the wedding. Or that I could ask him to wear a certain color of suit to kind of set him apart and honor him as the officiant, rather than just blend in with the rest of the guests in suits. Know what I mean?

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  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·
    • Flag

    I can hear what you're saying. He's not really part of the WP though and if the officiant wasn't your friend they would probably show up in vestments or a pretty modern, neutral outfit. I guess I wouldn't ask anything more of him just b/c he happens to be your friend, KWIM? That's just me.

    You could maybe casually mention what the guys are wearing and just see if he wants to play along but otherwise I wouldn't worry about it and I don't think it will look weird at all if he's not dressed in the same theme.

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  • Merfy Lou
    Master June 2012
    Merfy Lou ·
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    I think we're just going to ask him to dress nicely. Our groomsmen aren't wearing suits or tuxes, so to me it doesn't makes sense to have our friend more dressed up than them.

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  • wadergirl
    Dedicated September 2012
    wadergirl ·
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    @Kris - Very true, I hear your point. If he wasn't officiating though, he'd be in the WP (or at least "in the running"..FI had like 7-8 guys he wanted to stand with him... and all of them were reasonable, I knew who they were and why... but the list had to get narrowed down and 4 was the minimum he could do, and only then if John (our friend) would still be "in the party" by officiating).

    I figure it will just come down to sitting down with everyone and describing the look and feel we're going for, and hope that it just works out in the end. Its not worth stressing over. Smiley smile

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  • Maria
    Dedicated April 2012
    Maria ·
    • Flag

    Have you asked him what he is planning to wear? The person who is officiating mine gave me three choices. If you ask him, and his answer is horrifying, then you can say something like "I was envisioning a dark suit"

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  • Kimm
    Master October 2012
    Kimm ·
    • Flag

    Ok so we're doing it a little differently.... My cousin is doing our ceremony and I told him to wear whatever he wanted. And let me tell you I'm really nervous about this one cuz I don't have a freaking clue what's going to happen here. He's the craziest one out of all 6 of us and I'm encouraging everyone to wear costumes so...... who knows. Could be something spooky, could be something lame, something funny - I just don't know what I'm up against here.

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  • B'Loved
    VIP November 2013
    B'Loved ·
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    I think a dark suit would be nice.

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  • heavenlyyoyo
    VIP August 2012
    heavenlyyoyo ·
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    My pastor will usually wear a suit that goes along with the color scheme for the wedding that he is doing.

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