Friend getting married two days before.

Are you getting married in the same city/venue? That's super close and would definitely cause a lot of added stress for both you and her - maybe she doesn't realize that yet, have you tried talking to her about it?

It might seem like a good idea to some people, to plan weddings close to friends so they can experience wedding planning together for the big days, but yeah that's super close to yours.

Very inconsiderate of her. I would have planned our wedding date around that of any of my close friends, if they had planned theirs before ours. That’s common courtesy. If there was some reason ours HAD to be on a certain date that conflicted with theirs, I would have had a conversation with my friend to discuss why. Thankfully this was a non issue but it isn’t so difficult to be a good friend and not a Bridezilla.

Not wrong at all. I literally have a friend who dealt with this exact situation last year, except the newer engaged couple got married a month before. It caused a lot of strife in their friendship and it hasn’t been the same since.


I feel there’s this unspoken code to not get married directly before or after your friends wedding. A lot of ppl can’t afford wedding gifts, attire, etc. like that and if there’s a lot of mutual ppl, they may start choosing one wedding over the other. And start subconsciously comparing both weddings. It’s not right IMO

It depends how close you guys are. That may be a date that means a lot to her or the only one that was available. But if she is your best friend or youre in each others wedding then yeah she shouldve tried to give you more space

You only get one day. And that day is Monday. She chose a Saturday and it’s a miracle she got a Saturday in June after this whole pandemic. I got engaged in September 2020 and getting married in August 2021. I literally had to book ASAP and not a single Saturday in Cleveland was available because of all the brides who pushed their wedding back. And the places that were available were outrageously priced. Give her some slack I’m sure it was not a slight to you.

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I think I would approach her out of genuine curiosity and ask how exactly she expects the logistics for the two weddings to work. She wants you to be in her wedding, in another state, 2 days before your wedding, and then she wants to be a bridesmaid in yours two days after hers? How is that supposed to happen? Maybe she just needs it bluntly laid out for her because she wasn't thinking in those terms.

If she still doesn't see the problem, then she's never going to. I would explain that no, because you are already planning to get married 48 hours after her ceremony, you cannot be in her wedding party, and that you will totally understand if she can't be in yours 48 hours after she gets married.

I know this isn't what everyone wants, and you'll be sad to miss each other's weddings, but it was ridiculous of her to make her date so close to yours knowing that you each want to be involved in the other's wedding party. I know she can, but that doesn't mean she should.

Unless huge numbers of guests overlap, like within a family, she can choose any date except yours if she wants your FI. You don't know the two families and their considerations, what other weddings, pregnancies , graduations, deployments, and job apporoved vacation time limited their choices to few that were open at their chosen venue. And within the 6 or so week window they set as the general time period. The man my FI hoped would be his Best Man , and vice versa, was going to grad school in a different city, dating a woman from a different state, and each got engaged in the same week. When we immediately started looking at venues , wanting to be married in 4-6 months, we each had multiple siblings, and multiple cousins marrying. And had each committed to be in a few weddings. We went venue shopping knowing there were only 2 weekends in a 12 week stretch when neither of us were in a wedding, that was at least 2 weeks either side from a family wedding. And ran smack up against a couple who also wanted either of the same venues on our only date. None we liked had the other date open. And both venues had given someone a week almost over to reserve or not. One owner said he would call, and it was the same couple both places, and luckily their first choice was our second, their second our first. But that left the guys stuck. Til F's friend mentioned his fiance. Once a neighbor of mine for a short time. Her 3 year older sister was my close friend, and had been my choice for a BM. Neither of us wanted to move as far as June ( this was May, 3 weeks) or Dec for a nonconflicting date. So we married 15 minutes apart in the Catskills, one Brooklyn Boy and NH gal, one Manhattan and Maine. You chose due to an anniversary date. We had other people's commitments to think of. But sometimes what looks like a wide open calendar to others, is very limited. She may have had only a couple possible dates, and wanted a venue available on that one. ... You don't know the other guy's extended family, or hers. She considers them first. So I say, If 2 days before yours was when everything else worked, she is entitled to it. But I do understand your dismay with her in your wedding, I hope shecan do it. And since you never should ask your WP without a date, now they know, your FI may have a conflict, and you. ut if it is missing you on their date, or missing this ones parents or grandparents on other dates, you shrug and be happy for each other. And miss someone on wedding day. But itis not any meanness, or anyone's fault. Usually, with friends, it is a series of tough choices.

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That’s assuming she’s actually booked a venue...I strongly suspect she’s picked a date but hasn’t actually booked anything yet, given that she’s only been engaged a week. OP, I wouldn’t say anything until she’s got a confirmed venue, because my immediate thought is that she’s going to get an unpleasant surprise when she starts venue hunting and finds that everything is booked on that date.

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I agree with this. I doubt anything is open on any Saturday next year at this point- no way she found a Saturday venue in 2021.

View Quoted Comment This part definitely changes things. It was her decision to put her date so close and as friends there should be some level of communication that can be had in terms of voicing your concerns. Whether or not she decides to keep it that way,in the end, focus on your day and if it's inconvenient to attend hers then don't... Or watch it on Zoom. Make your moment as stress free as possible. But in the end there must be a conversation between you too about this so that you know where this friendship stands going forward.

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Omg! Yes... you guys are going to be busy

You’re not wrong! I would be frustrated too especially because your friend knew for some time now that that’s your wedding date! Try and take a breather and no matter what your day comes first, if you’ve got other things going on then you honestly can’t help that. Try talking to her bc. I know you don’t want to miss her big day but I also know no bride is going to want to rearrange things you may have already set up for your own big day 😬is she in your bridal party? (Sorry if you’ve answered this I haven’t read any prev comments lol)

I would be upset as well. We had to postpone our wedding until October of 2021 and then my soon to be sister in-law got engaged and chose a date the month before us. It wouldn't be a huge deal but she picked the same color scheme as us and a lot of the details of our wedding will now be playing out a month before our wedding at her wedding. (for example my fiancé has a burgundy suit coat and her fiancé will now too.) It's upsetting after so much planning and waiting to be a month after them and look like we've copied them when we've had these ideas for over a year :/.
I know she deserves her special day, it's just a crappy situation to be in and I'm trying not to let it get to me.

Sounds like you guys share a friend group. Which means people have to prepare to spend money on 2 weddings, 2 bachelor/ bachelorrette parties around the same time, hair/nails/makeup for people who will be in both events. You can't have any pre-wedding events because the days leading up to your wedding will be spent at hers. It just seems poorly thought out and a lot to ask of people who love you both. She prob just innocently snagged the first date available since 2021 will be crazy for weddings, but i totally understand why you're upset. I'd be kind of pissed if people were less enthusiastic about celebrating my day because they'd done it big a couple days before.

Honestly, it sounds like she either did this on purpose or wasn't thinking at all.

Something very similar happened to me. My friend RSVP'd to my wedding and I had been engaged for years at this point. She literally had a seat at a table at my wedding. She then decided to plan her wedding for the day after mine (yes 24 hours later) with a good chunk of our guests being the same. She no showed to my wedding because she was trying to find a dress. I was very upset by all of it to say the least. Especially because my wedding was years in the making and she'd only been with her guy for a few months. However, over a year later she's so happy, we're still friends, and now out of the wedding planning frenzy it doesn't really feel like a big deal at all. It doesn't effect me in my day to day or even month to month life. And hey I always remember her anniversary lol! You have every right to be upset and hurt your feelings are totally valid. They just may change over time .

Yes, you each have the right to have your weddings when you want, but as a friend (especially if she is a close friend) I would be pretty upset!

Its a matter of common courtesy, girl code, etc. and not to mention, the stress and pressure of each of you trying to make things perfect for your big day, this would stress me out! lbs

I would have a talk with her and remind her of all the things that comes with planning a wedding vs. being in a wedding party and the last min things that you will need to worry about a couple of days before each of your big days! Not to mention, you said it was in a different state and very inconvenient! I am sure she would want things to go smoothly for her big day and should be understanding of you wanting things to go smoothly for yours.

If that doesn't work, I would decline any invite for (you and your fiancé) being a part of her bridal party and think hard about if you would even want to decline an invite as a guest. I may would even consider removing her from my wedding party. *shrugs* Only because, your bridesmaids are supposed to be your support system leading up to and through your big day. It is unlikely that she would be able to give you all of the attention and support that you need/deserve so close to the wire because she would be too focused on making sure her big day is perfect.

Prep for YOUR big day with as little stress as possible.

Heck no! You have every right to be upset! In my opinion, she knew that your big day was then and now she's rushing to get married before you. It would make me a little ticked too!

Wow, yes, I would be upset about that!

A bridesmaid and a best man in our wedding can no longer attend our wedding because the best man's brother is getting married on the same day as us out of state. That sucks for us, but I totally understand family comes first.

But in your situation, that is not cool of your friend to do that. Is her venue and everything already set and paid for? Why did she decide on that date? Is there some kind of special meaning to her or was that just a convenient day to have it? Have you talked to her about it? If she wants you guys to be in her wedding and you apart of theirs did she not think about when she decided to have her wedding?