food allergies, what to do!

Does anyone have advice for Danielle?

People with an allergy will ask you. I don't think you have to open that can of worms.

I've learned people with food allergies will either tell you and/or ask the servers if a dish consisted of XYZ. I'd just make sure your venue informs their servers of what they're serving and the ingredients. I went to a wedding where the server shrugged her shoulders when I asked them what it was. I was really put off by that.

They told me when I booked to let them know. My friend who is FG's mom has IBS and garlic is a trigger for her. She is keenly aware of what she can and cannot eat.

We had a BM with a soy allergy and a GM who is allergic to nuts. Since so many foods are prepared in soybean oil, our venue brought over a special meal from their sister restaurant for the BM. For the GM, we simply didn't have anything on the menu with nuts.

I'd reconsider asking on the RSVP card about dietary restrictions. People sometimes go crazy and just include stuff that they dislike, or that doesn't go with their current fad weight loss program. If you serve a variety of foods, most people will be okay.

I am on a restricted diet and have a food allergy myself (I can't have MSG due to migraines, and am super allergic to artificial sweeteners). When I'm at an event, I ask the staff to confirm that the food is safe for me to consume. I also have DH taste-test my sodas (you wouldn't believe how many times I've been given Diet Coke by mistake). I consider it my responsibility to be proactive, vs. insisting a wedding or other large event be structured around my issues.

I always assumed that if someone has a really bad allergy, they would be responsible enough to let you know ahead of time. It's simple enough.

I hosted a family reunion and it seemed as if every third person had an issue with something (sugar, gluten, nuts, oils, spices, meats, etc.) Basically what I told people was that it is their allergy - they are the only ones who REALLY KNOW what is in their food they make them selves and what they can have a negative reaction to.

I put this information on the invites that I was NOT going to have any "special food" because of this reason. Furthermore, I did not trust the caterers to not mess it up (sorry caterers but I don't). NO ONE had a problem with it - they bought their own food. They did this without question or issue. At my wedding, I am going to have a tray of sugar free cookies - but as far as the spice/nut allergies go I am going to tell people if the allergy is bad enough that you will have a serious problem if there is cross contamination, I cannot rely on a caterer I do not know very well to make sure you get a "true" nut free meal. Same with vegan - my friend is bringing their own Amy's vegan patties because my caterer did not even know what tofu was.

Edit: @Shannon - I am really sick of inviting people over who claim they have an "allergy" to gluten or nuts when they really mean they just don't like them so they say that for the hell of it - same with "I can't eat this because of my fad diet". For example, I am lactose intolerant, but cheese won't kill me. If someone messes up and puts in on my sandwich, I just peel it off.

It depends on the allergy and how bad it is honestly.

some folks who have Celiac or a severe nut allergy for example can't really eat anything that was made in the same kitchen with the same utensils as something that has gluten or nuts in it. someone like that might not be able to eat around the buffet options. but if someone is a vegetarian, they can probably just pick and choose - does that make sense?

find out what your caterer might offer for folks with allergies and then depending on your guests you can either indicate choices on the RSVP (this is what i did) or write something like "please let us know if you have severe food allergies"

I went with the first thing and included the different options for gluten free or vegetarian because i did NOT want to open up the door for people to write things like "i don't like butter" or something, which some people in my family would have done. I was very aware of all the allergies on my side (two severe gluten) and some on my H's side so I was able to confirm with them that they had options.

My son has a dye allergy we usually ask a head of time or ask who does the food. If we think that his allergy will be aproblem we eat a head of time.

Awesome, thanks girls!

Shannon S is right. If you ask, people will give you lists of things they don't like. I can't tell you how many gluten free meals we have done for people who do not have a gluten issue. These are the people who insist on special food and then you watch them eat everything but those items.

I put on the info card to please advise us of any dietary restrictions. My venue event planner suggested this so they can know ahead of time.

I did the same thing as Mrs.Chanel, I left a space on the RSVP for them to list out any dietary restrictions. I think if you say that or "please list any food allergies" then you should be fine since the wording is pretty specific.

I know that I have a few guests that don't eat pork for religious reasons and one guest who will only eat things that have two legs or less (don't ask) but they aren't allergies so that's why I used the "dietary restrictions" wording. Just something to think about. Most people will tell you if they have allergies though like Shannon said.

Since our dinner meal includes seafood and I don't know if anyone is allergic to shellfish, I listed the full menu on our website and added a comment for the guests to contact me if they have food allergies and need a special plate.

I already knew of 3 guests with severe wheat allergies, so I just notified my caterer ahead of time and he's making them their own separate meal. We've already informed these people exactly what is in the apps and dessert - so they know not to get near those dishes.

We were actually told by our DOC at our venue that it is not a good idea to suggest you will have an "alternate food anything" for guests because people will choose that option "just because". Most caterers will charge double for a specialty food item that does not come in the big silver pan like everything else. The DOC cited gluten as the example - for whatever reason people think that all gluten is bad for you and is it now an "allergy" and yet these same people will eat a basket of rolls and all the breading on their chicken Parmesan and yet will demand gluten free pasta. One of the caterers we looked into charged $8 EXTRA (on top of $21.95) for anyone who wanted gluten free pasta.

I also did the asking on the response card. Ours is not a buffet, however.

GrayCat - I die a little bit inside every time I have to describe my food issues. I feel like I'm being so high maintenance! I couldn't imagine rolling in all, "I need low carb gluten-free vegan kosher food prepared by blind Bhutanese monks."

Plus, when people declare that their personal preferences are actually allergies, it makes life so much more difficult for those of us who really do have allergies. It means that society doesn't take allergies seriously, they assume we're just being picky. Which is how I wound up at a party where the hostess thought it was no big deal to serve me diet lemonade. Once my tongue had gone numb and had swollen to three times its usual size, and the killer migraine kicked in, she got the hint.

Shannon S, we had a week long conference with a guest who had a 3 page list of things she could not eat. We have had brides ask us if a guest can call us to discuss their food needs. We deal with these things all the time. The thing is, we all understand people who have allergy issues. We are happy to deal with those but people who will tell you anything they don't like make it more difficult for everyone else. Nut allergies are easy depending on the severity. 99% of the time, we put the nuts on the side and it is fine. For people who can't eat from things prepped in a bowl that had a nut it in, that's not so easy, unless you are a peanut/tree nut free facility. Those are things we make very clear, there's no guarantee that nut oil didn't touch something.

Crystal - I once planned a conference where an attendee was a low-acid vegan. And a picky eater. Gaaaaaaah.

@Shannon - It bugs me because I KNOW some people have very severe allergies - but they do get thrown into the picky eater category, and the picky eaters feel like they deserve to have special treatment just like a person with a HONEST allergy. I am a picky eater, but there is no way I am going to question every aspect of a casserole simply because there might be an ingredient I do not personally like inside. At the end of the day there is nothing in it that will kill me.

I have friends who will say they are "allergic" to everything and they are not actually allergic to anything. When I hear "my child has an allergy" I am thinking "OH MY GOD they will go into anaphylaxis and die if they come into contact with X food" but no - it always ends up like this:

"Oh no Timmy cannot have oatmeal he is very allergic" when I ask if is it just oatmeal or oats - also to include hand lotion, or anything else that might have oats like oat topped bread and they say "Oh no, it just gives him gas" I just want to slap people like that.