My Future Husband (FH) and I both come from LARGE families. His mother, my Future Mother In Law (FMIL), gave an insane list and we kept 99% of them, as he asked me to. After figuring it all out, his mother invited MORE of her family than my parents have — and my parents are giving us a nice chunk of $$$ for the wedding. That aside, our venue holds 250 max and we already are inviting 269 to the wedding. MANY of our best friends and family are not getting +1s, as unless they are married/seriously dating/living with someone — we just can’t fit them. My mother cut some of her extended family, as it’s pushing the budget (& we can’t fit them).
I am about to send the Save the Dates (which we are already behind on), and needed some more addresses from my FMIL. When sending the addresses she added 8 people who live stateside, and 6 people who live in Europe. She is insisting “They are courtesy invites - they won’t come” but I have heard from many of my friends that A LOT of “courtesy” invites end up coming and you’re screwed. My father has some family in Europe, and my mother is very close with her extended family but we are NOT inviting any of them. Budget and seats are MAXED!!! My FH is insisting we invite them, and won’t back me up in telling my FMIL “no.” He keeps saying they won’t come, but I don’t care, it is the 11th hour, and there are no seats if they do decide to come from Europe.
I told my parents about this and they are furious. My mom is on a ten now, and is upset that she even thinks she can add more people when we are already allowing so much of her extended family. My mom suggests we just send a “Marriage Announcement,” but that would be AFTER we are married. Is it weird to make a “pre-wedding” type of announcement? I just know my FH and my FMIL won’t let us about this, but I absolutely refuse to invite all of these people she is trying to add. And them saying “they’re in their 70s and 80s, they won’t come,” means NOTHING as it’s the principle behind it that we’re not inviting any of those people from my family either. PLUS, mailing Save the Dates AND Invites to Europe is not cheap, so that adds $$$ too. It’s zero regard to budget and seats.
Someone please help me. I’m lost and stressed