fmil issues

Did she show both of you what she bought or just him? If she doesn't know that you've seen it, I would buy her something else and just make it seem like a nice gesture. "I saw this really cute pant suit and thought it would compliment your skin tone! It could be pretty for the wedding?" Maybe try to get something with glitter (because it seems that she likes the sequins) but more toned down than the turquoise she bought. If she declines the gift, you're probably just stuck because, ultimately, you can't make someone wear something. Good luck

You can't approach this without damaging a relationship with her. She is your FMIL, let her wear what she is comfortable wearing. I think as long as she matches the formality of the event, you will have to let this go.

https://www.google.com/shopping/product/4606790555566012958?q=mother+of+the+bride+pant+suits&prds=opd:4263026140899655095,pvo:ChYIooeNnfPFjoHeARCzv7n2iLSX2qUB&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjLo4i_uqbnAhUHhXIEHaewCS0QpdQCCBEoBA

This could be pretty if she's partial to pants!

Let it go, honestly once the day comes and goes you will realize that something like this just isn't worth stressing over. If she does have some mental stuff going on you are not going to help her at all by trying to push what you think she should wear on her. If she is comfortable in it, then who cares? I understand you want her to fit into what you think she should wear to your wedding but it's not always that easy. It's just something you don't need to stress or put energy into, you have enough to do planning a wedding! Good Luck!

I'm pretty sure she knows I saw it. I did say something about going shopping are the time she ordered it/was going to order and she was like no. And she told FH that sequins are really in! LOL

Sigh.

Ugh, I know. You're probably right - not worth making what I find an already uncomfortable relationship worse.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't get along - I just don't understand her style of parenting (past and present) - it's very different from my parents loving, generous, caring, selfless ways. Let's just say I find it difficult to spend time with them as a family because they are not very nice to one another, there is a lot of resentment, and they are beyond dysfunctional. I don't understand how my FH managed to become a good man and amazing partner!

Thanks Jennifer.

It feels like an itch I can't scratch, lol! But I probably need to just let her do her and worry about myself.

I would have your FH talk to her. Let him sit down with her and talk about getting another outfit for the wedding. He could even break it to her that what she has chosen isn't appropriate for the wedding. As far as the mother/groom dance goes, that should be up to your FH. If he doesn't mind not dancing with her at the wedding, it should be okay. If he really wants to share a dance with her, he should tell her that. My FH's mother is very shy and does not like to be the center of attention. Therefore, he and his mother are not having a dance at the wedding.

I wouldn't address it; you said it yourself that she has a mental illness and refuses to really be a big part of the day, and that's honestly her call. She'll regret it, but that's on her.

You will most likely cause issues with her, so I'd say just let it go.

Let her wear what she wants. She will only be in a few pictures at most, and no one will notice if her outfit isn't great. This isn't a battle I'd fight. If she doesn't want to be involved, it's her loss.

Maybe try to show her/tell her what your mom is wearing and just say "hey I was thinking this would be a great opportunity for some family photos, do you want to coordinate with my mom so that everyone looks cohesive?"

OR go buy her something you'd like and say "hey FMIL, I saw this while I was out and it just screamed YOU, so I bought it. It would look so nice in photos next to my mom and your son and everyone else. I just looooooove this outfit and can't wait to see you in it!" and maybe she will feel obligated to wear it haha

I guess I'd just let it be. lol I'm sorry! I understand being frustrated but at the end of the day, she'll be in maybe 10 photos. Choose your battles

Let it go. When we got married my MIL wasn't dressed very nice IMO, but, it wasn't up to me what she wore. Also everyone knew we had no control over the choice of outfit she wore. I didn't let it bother me.

Sometimes being blunt gets the job done. "It's a cute dress don't get me wrong, but it doesn't go with what everyone else will be wearing and I want my pictures to be perfect for your son and I to look back on. I found these really cute pants suits, do you like these? Let's look together." My mother in law checked with me on what she's wearing, I don't think there is anything wrong with being honest. It's YOUR day. Don't be rude tho but be honest Also it's better to talk in person than over text. I find people are less offended and dramatic that way.

I love this hahaha honestly that would probably work

Hahaha thanks!

To be honest...if she has mental things going on, trying to force her into something is going to go horribly wrong for everyone. Be supportive, be understanding, but above all else...do NOT be judgmental! Sometimes for those going through some mental things, whether it be just a bout of depression or a long term diagnosed (or not diagnosed) issue, they are holding on to the few things that make them feel "normal". Yes, to you, it may be ridiculous, but to her it may be the tiny thread that gets her through the day. If she doesn't want to participate in the other things, that is her choice. She may not feel up to it or she may not want to draw extra attention to herself. Just let her do her thing and focus on you and your FH.

I second this completely. As you mentioned, she may have some mental illness that's been taking over her life. It sounds like she needs help, and not just around wedding time. She's definitely sticking to what she feels confident and familiar in, so let her. Brides here always say that you can't force other people to wear or look a certain way if they don't want to, and that's their choice. Literally, it's her body, her choice. She knows that to an extent there will be a lot of people there who might pay a little attention to her and she clearly doesn't want to be noticed. Let her shrink into the background, and maybe then you'll both be happy.

I don't know about confident, but I suspect there is a level of comfort/familiarity she feels from shopping through the channels she shops and wearing what she chooses to wear, etc.

She's really an odd duck, but like I said, IMHO, it stems from untreated mental illness.

I'm going to just bite my tongue, smile, and take deep breaths.