fmil freaking out !!!!

My advice to any young couple is to make sure you are financially independent before getting married. February is only 10 months away. I don’t blame your FMIL for being concerned that you guys don’t have a plan for the future before deciding when to get married. How will you pay your bills? Will you live on your own? What about health insurance?

I agree with Sarah. Concentrate on becoming financially responsible. If you told me that one or both of you would finish degrees, etc in 2019, I would be more sympathetic, but unless you can support yourselves, you need to delay the marriage. Of course the FMIL is freaking out, she sees both you guys moving in with her!!!

I would be worried as well if were your FMIL. I would advise any couple to be financially stable and independent before getting married.

The other thing is my mom is willing for us to move in with her until we have the money for our own place

Well, then you do have a plan for after. It makes sense that your FMIL is worried. Maybe you two can sit down with her and talk about your plans and show that you are being responsible and have put serious thought into your future as a married couple.

You need to be financially independent before you get married. Im only 20, but my FH and I have been moved out, working and paying all our own bills since we were 17.

Your plan would not impress me. Do you and FH have any plans for supporting yourself? Is your mom really well off, or might this "plan" fall about?

What sucks is my FH doesnt like the idea of us moving in with my mom .... i am willing but he is still weird about it cause he works nights and my mom would have to take him and he doesnt like that..... its weird and obnoxious .... i was going to figure out how much each of us make and apply to HUD housing ..... its income based houseing.... if we qualify. So i am trying to find a way but my moms keep telling me its ultimately our decision if we get married or not no one elses

I would worry too. Living with parents as a married couple can often lead to contention and much unnecessary stress (believe me....I watched my brother go through it!)
And I watched him marry after 2 short months without having any plans set in place or idea about what they wanted for their future and 10 years later theres a lot of regrets on them and they still arent as financially independent as they might think they are.
We all just want the best for our families and it's hard to watch people make decisions that could be wrong or seem completely unaware of the consequences. You know?

View Quoted Comment But do you have an actual plan for when that will be? The future has to be more than a year at a time. What will you do differently to save up enough to get your own place? Could you do so on your current income? If not, what is the plan for one or both of you to get a full time job? Getting married is fine, but if you’re prioritizing having a larger wedding over planning your future financially, I definitely see where she’s coming from.

So get your act together, and apply for HUD or whatever housing. In many places, there is a long wait list. Don't live in dream land, live in real world. Please tell me you are not planning on spending a lot for a wedding if you cannot afford a place to live

Its a small wedding dont worry

View Quoted Comment So you guys don't have a concrete plan for housing and don't have a means of transportation? I understand the allure of getting married, but there really is no rush for that. You two really need to figure out concrete plans of how to be independent adults before jumping into marriage (regardless of how many years you've been together). As someone else has stated, HUD housing can take years to open up. I don't know where you live, but in my area (I used to work in the social services field), the waitlists at many low-income based properties are not even open. Section 8 is basically a pipe dream where I'm at and local housing is still incredibly hard to come by, and I've had clients wait for years before they get called. I would have a serious backup plan other than HUD housing if I were you. And if your FH doesn't feel comfortable living with your mom (and it's understandable), then that may not be a viable option. If I were you, and I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, I would put wedding planning on hold until you figure out the life plan for after the wedding.

We are renting out FH aunts basement after we get married (she does not want to charge us, we are willingly giving because we know utilities use will increase). We sat down togerher and figured out our financial plan plus the amount we plan to give. We do not plan to stay with her past a year mark from moving in; although she is fine with us staying for 18 months to 2 years. Just like Karen stated your plan is not impressive. Yes, it's great that your mom is willing for you to stay with her after the wedding, but just keep in mind that it's not permanent. You guys need to figure what you need to do together to move out now before even making it to you moms place. How much can you guys put aside each month together? What places can you afford when you do leave? I see you have anxiety on a new job at the moment, but what about your FH can he get a better job now to bring in more funds? Can you find somewhere else to work after the wedding or move up with your current employer? You guys have a child, what about daycare cost now and in the future? You guys need to think beyond the wedding day. This is why your FMIL is freaking out.

Based on what you've shared, you not only can't afford to live on your own but don't have your own transportation? (You said your mom will have to drive your husband to his night-shift job?) Also, based on your profile picture, it looks like you may be parents? I'm sorry, but I truly believe people who get married should be fully-functioning adults -- financially independent and able to live on their own and manage their affairs. You said you cannot work anywhere else, but can you do work from home? Do you have computer skills or can you get licensed to provide childcare? Is there a reason your fiance isn't working full-time and/or multiple jobs? If I were either of your parents, I'd be freaking out, too. Responsible adults need a plan besides being dependent on others for housing, transportation, etc. I'd strongly encourage you to seek some premarital counseling; you should be able to find something for a low-cost through a church or social service organization. The number one cause of divorce is financial issues; based on that alone the odds are stacked pretty high against you. If you truly love each other and are committed to building a life together, perhaps begin by making a plan to become independent adults first. I'd guess your family will be much more supportive about a future marriage once you've laid a stronger foundation. Good luck to you.

I agree with previous posters. You need to be financially independent before you get married. You said you are early 20s. Hold off on the wedding, get your housing and job situation sorted out first and then have the wedding. If it's meant to be, then waiting another year or 2 to get yourselves situated with a home, job, and car wont matter at all. I agree with your FMIL, I would be worried too.

I completely understand wanting to get married!
I agree with some previous posters; however, I fully realize that everyone's family culture is different. Let me ask: is there a reason you both work only PT? And do you both have driver's licenses, etc.? Any kids?
I'll warn you that people sometimes wait years (sometimes decades) for HUD housing.

I have autism bipolar disorder and anxiety order that is why i dont work full time..... my FH is stubborn so i know he needs a full time job ..... but he doesnt want to believe it .... neither one of us drive but there is public transportation in my area we could use .... i am also going to learn to drive this summer ....
My main plan is to build a tiny home for my family to live i have found plans online that u can buy and it shows u about how much it will be to make it and all the plans on how to build it and what materials to use

Alyae, do you have any construction experience? Do you understand the permitting and zoning process where you want to live? Do you understand how you would get construction material to a site if neither of you drive? This does not seem like a plan, but rather a dream.

View Quoted Comment From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like you two are ready to get married, I completely understand why your FMIL is worried.
Your FH is stubborn about getting a full time job? How do you two support your child? Do you still get help from family to buy things or live? Getting married isn’t just something fun to do. You and your FH need to sit down, have REAL conversations about how you are going to be independent, functioning adults after getting married. Meaning not relying on your mom to give your rides everywhere, not relying on her for financial assistance, etc.
I’m sorry, but it’s really hard for me to believe that you yourself will be able to build a SAFE house for your family to live in.