fmil dress issues

I personally don’t believe you can dictate what parents wear. I didn’t know what any parents of our parents were wearing until they showed up to the wedding.

Honestly I think most people let parents wear what they want. She also asked what color to wear but you had her wait till your mom
got a dress do she could pick from that color. If you really hate the dress maybe just give her a few color options. I honestly do not have a clue what my mother in law is wearing and I probably will not till the wedding day.

No my FMIL has been stubborn about her dress. We are 6 months out and she keeps saying she’s ordering a dress then doesn’t do it. I sent her a few dresses to pick from and if she didn’t like those I’d choose more. She tired to put a long sleeve pink sweater with a flowy palm leaf printed skirt (it was so bad) and I said no she got upset and went to my FH he came to me about it and I explained to him we are getting married on a beach and in the middle of the day.She’s gonna complain if she does that and I don’t want pictures where she looks bad. Once I showed him the outfit he understood and told her to pick from the dresses she was shown or ask for more. Now she’s trying to wear a really dark dress that clashes with the colors. I showed her one dress and she really seemed to like it. So I said okay that’s it we will get that one. Then she told me we have more than enough time and for me to keep sending stuff. I told my FH about it cause I have wayyy too much to do and he just told her to get the dress we chose and send a picture once she had it. Your FH just needs to have your back. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t like the color. Give a few choices in color (to be fair) and give a few styles. This is your day and everyone needs to look alike especially if it’s a small wedding (mine is super small too!!!! So I get wanting everyone to look like they belong). So she needs to understand it’s your day and even if she doesn’t love the look to get over it for a few hours. Good luck 😊

Maybe I’m being a little anal about it, I just don’t want any clashing. I can see the two views on not picking what they wear, I’m just worried with the pictures. Abby, that sounds like a mess!! I guess at least I don’t have that problem! I just feel like I’m competing with my FMIL on my wedding. Since we got engaged it has kind of been about her and what she’s doing to prepare for the wedding. Every event I’ve invited her to she declines or just acts uninterested. I’m just not sure how to include her anymore or why she doesn’t want to be included.

I’ve told the moms- my mom and stepmom and FH mom- what 3 colours they can pick from. It can be fully one of the colours or printed with one. Tea length, long, or pant suit. We
are getting married outside with an indoor reception at a 5 star casino/resort and want them all to be comfortable. My mom doesn’t like dresses and if she’s in one it’ll be “hippy”/“ new age-y” but elegant.
I think as long as it’s not super short, sparkly or way out there, let her wear it. But guide her to another by saying that “you want to have her look her best in the pictures”. And maybe she can wear that to the rehearsal dinner or after party?

That’s a big thing too! My moms is a beautiful long Adriana Papell beaded dress. I don’t want hers to be super informal and my moms. Picking a few colors and different lengths is a great idea!

I'd let it go. Parents aren't part of the bridal party. I'd apologize and focus on other things

View Quoted Comment Clashing with what though? They won’t be in pictures with the bridal party. You might have some pictures with you guys and your husbands other family members but that would be strange if you tried to coordinate them all. When I look at my wedding pictures I don’t even notice what anyone is wearing, I just see the joy on everyone’s faces that day.

She is getting ready with us and a lot of our pictures will be with everyone since we are only having 18 people including us. True, I’m not going to stress or try to “coordinate” every guest. I guess I just want her and my mother to be in the same types of formality so one doesn’t feel under/overdressed and one doesn’t outshine the other. Plus I’ve been wanting the experience with her. I’m all about the experience of planning a wedding, maybe I just went the wrong way about it.

View Quoted Comment I would let this go. Everyone is adults and is capable of choosing what they are comfortable wearing. As far as one of them feeling over or under dressed or “outshining the other” that is not your issue to take on. Also as someone who attends an average of 5 weddings a year I can’t tell you what any of the parents wore in any of them.

First off, you were not wrong in asking her not to wear that dress. The red would clash with the dusty blue and it sounds like she would stand out among others in the pictures.

I would give her the color, style, length, etc. parameters and let her find one on her own.

It sounds like you're trying to do some bonding and go shopping together and she's not up for it. I know some people say you shouldn't tell your parents what to wear but at the same time, a lot of brides go dress shopping with the moms to help them pick out a dress so they'll match. And parents are in tons of pictures. Especially with a small wedding.
My last wedding, I had a lot of guests reach out to me to ask what my colors were bc they wanted to match and not clash. Personally I would've said something to her as well. It sounds like she would've stuck out like a sore thumb. Since she's avoiding shopping with you, I'd just tell her what colors to go with and maybe send her a picture of your moms dress so she knows the style.

My FMIL asked me if I wanted her to wear any specific color, I just told her what my colors were but to choose whatever she was comfortable in, I told my mom the same thing. For me, it's not important that they match my colors as they're not standing up with me.

I would just let it go.

I can care less what people wear. Honestly, it is a reflection of them.

I don’t see what the problem with her wearing red is? She’s not trying to wear a wedding dress. I would let it go. It’s kind of controlling to dictate what parents wear to this degree.

She's an adult, she can dress herself without your guidance.

So I dont think we should tell parents what to wear. If they ask about color, style, etc that's really considerate of them, but not required they do that. My mom asked me what colors and I said that I didnt care because I have a lot of other things to worry about!

However, it seems like 1. She chose a somewhat inappropriate dress that is low cut and short which I would be annoyed about if i was you. Not the fact that its red, but that isnt really appropriate for a wedding. 2. You seem to want to include her and bond with her over wedding events which is great! Can you possibly come from that place with her and make it more about that and less about dictating the dress? "I'm upset that I didnt get to share that moment with you and was hoping we would have a fun girls day shopping!" That might make her feel included but she still has a say. Then while you're out you can make subtle hints about what you like or not!

I can see everyone’s side on this. I though it was just something you do, shopping with the MOB and FMIL for their dresses as that’s what almost everyone I know has done, even my grandmothers want me to help with their attire. So everyone who says it’s not my place to tell her, do you let your guests know a dress code, if it’s a casual affair or not like cocktail or black tie? So how is it any different for me to let her know if it’s more of a formal dress or cocktail attire? I’m not trying to be like “well this is the dress you have to wear!” Obviously I want her to be comfortable, I want her to enjoy the day and experience as well, I just want to give her a few guidelines on colors and options on lengths. But basically just not super short like the one she has purchased

Definitely let this go.
She is not going to be in photos with the bridal party anyways and if you have a good photographer they can make any colour look great together.
Sure, it doesn't sound like the dress is very age appropriate (being short, and low-cut).. but the color shouldn't matter.
Red is a beautiful color.
Most of your getting ready pictures you will probably be in your "getting ready" clothes anyways.

Editing to add: Both my mom and my mother-in-law have asked me for advice on what to wear so I really haven't dealt with the concerns you are having. Maybe she found this red dress and was so excited about it and genuinely thought you would love it. She might be feeling embarrassed now. I would just tread lightly. Not worth upsetting her.

Yes, you were wrong. You don't get to dictate what anyone other than the bridesmaids and groomsmen wear. People are more important than pictures.