Does anyone else feel like their FH puts his parents on a high pedestal? I’m getting second thoughts on my FH because of the way he lets his parents treat him. I love him very much for being caring and always thinking about them specifically his mom but it’s getting annoying.
This is a little backstory on my FMIL. When fiancé and I first started dating and I would come over to their house I noticed he would always want us to spend most of our time together with his mom which was really cute at first but then it turned into this forced routine. When sometimes I would just want to lay in bed with him,m because I was very tired. FH & me are 23years old. Long story short, we moved out on our own, with only some months of dating. A month passed and FH proposed in July. His parents didn’t end up finding out until December even though they had already seen my ring MANY times. FH didn’t want to tell his parents because he didn’t feel as if it’s the right time *eye roll*.
One of our HS friends congratulated FMIL on our engagement and that’s how they found out. His mother got very upset because she felt she was the last to know which I completely understand. I’m not the most chatty person I’m very quiet but I always made sure to text her on special occasions and invite her over for our family get together ( she only came once ), I invited her to my graduation which was where she met my mom. Since then it’s been quick hellos and goodbyes, his parents live three blocks away from us and my mother lives 35 minutes away and we see my mother more often. I suspect this is because FH parents are very problematic and like to judge a lot and are just not the nicest people. For example, it was FMIL birthday and I asked FH to go see her he didn’t want to go because he didn’t have a present. But I convinced him because I had bought her a gift and card. We go and it’s nice up until they start to speak Spanish. Which was really insulting to me, idk if I have bad humor but the joke was in bad taste they don’t know how to joke around it comes off as mocking.
Recently, I got into a very uncomfortable argument with his mother in person trying to defend my FH. She explained to me that she feels like she barely knows me, she said she was the last to know FH was moving out , last to know about the engagement, and now last to know about my wedding plans. The only thing I’ve done so far is proposed to my bridesmaid which his sister was invited too. She said it’s very disrespectful for us to be wedding planning when her mother passed away last year. In Hindu religion you have to wait two years after a death to get married she said. Which is something FH and I had no idea about because his mother and family don’t practice the religion but his grandma was a believer. I feel like his mother doesn’t like me anymore, FH says she just wants to get to know me more but whenever we invite her over she doesn’t come and we’ve been around each other for quite some time for her to claim she “doesn’t know me.” All of this has been very frustrating FH doesn’t even talk about the wedding anymore I feel like she’s trying to ruin us. FH and I only fight when it comes to his mom. He keeps bad things she says about me which then makes me feel stupid for trying to establish a friendship with her. I have no tolerance for forced relationships. His sister unfollowed me on social media for no reason. I don’t even want to see them now. The day of the argument his mother threatened HIM to not show up to the wedding, if it’s done next year. I really don’t want to change my wedding date! His grandma passed away Dec 2018 after we iwere proposed, and our wedding is Nov 2020!
If anybody has any advice on how to move on from this, please please please let me know. Part of me feels like his mother is being petty towards us, but in actuality I feel like we don’t owe anybody anything we should be allowed to live the life we like. I was going to make his sister a reader but I don’t know now, do I even invite them wedding dress shopping! I don’t know what to do or how to act around them?
