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Savvy February 2020

Flower Girl/ring Bearer

Amers, on July 2, 2019 at 10:32 AM Posted in Planning 0 12

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I'll try to make this short-but I really could use some advice. I have a nephew who will be 3.5 for my wedding and a niece who will be just over 1. My fiance has no nieces or nephews so naturally I asked my brother if his two kids could be in the wedding. He told us no. Our wedding is in February and theirs is the following August and "they wanted the kids to be in their wedding first". I was/am heartbroken about it and at this point, I don't think we will even have a ring bearer/flower girl because we don't have anyone else to ask. I have 17 first cousins on one side of my family and 75% of them are within the desired age range, but I'm not really close to any of them. We only see them about twice a year and my fiance doesn't even know their names because of it (I can't blame him one bit). So I don't think it's appropriate to ask any of them to be in the wedding. I really really want my niece and nephew to be in the wedding but I don't know how to ask my brother again. Do I just leave it go?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Amers, on August 17, 2019 at 11:57 AM

Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on July 2, 2019 at 10:35 AM
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You could give it some time and ask again, but with his reasoning I would be prepared for another no.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on July 2, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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I can see your brother's point, I would say respect that choice. And flower girls and ring bearers aren't a necessity to a wedding. I've been to several that didn't have any and they worked out just fine.
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Master August 2019
Allie · on July 2, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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I would just let it go. Its perfectly fine not to have a ring bearer and flower girl.
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Super October 2020
Ashley · on July 2, 2019 at 10:43 AM
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Yes I would let it go and don’t have a flower girl/ ring beaer
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Expert August 2020
Arielle · on July 2, 2019 at 12:20 PM
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I would let it go too. He gave a valid point and you don't want to upset them or set yourself up for another no. Sorry it didn't work out.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 2, 2019 at 12:23 PM
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I would also let it go. If someone asked me more than once for my child to be involved in something when I already gave my answer, I’d be annoyed. Flower girls and ring bearers aren’t necessary.
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on July 2, 2019 at 12:54 PM
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I would let it go. I can see his reasoning and it is a good one. There’s nothing wrong with not having them. Neither of my sisters did and nobody noticed at all.
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2030
Clíodhna · on August 15, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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Hey Amers! Did you decide if you will have a flower girl and ring bearer?
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on August 15, 2019 at 4:48 PM
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My niece who will be 21 three weeks after my wedding is going to be my flower girl. She really wanted to. But then again, I'm very non-traditional so it works for us...My opinion is with little kids they are always a wild card as far as how they are going to behave and if they can "perform" like everyone is expecting them to.
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Super September 2021
Stephanie · on August 15, 2019 at 5:08 PM
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I probably wouldn't push the issue with your brother because it dont sound like he will come around to the idea. However, it doesn't say that you need kids to be your flower girl and ring bearer! My best friend got married last year and there is no kids on either side, so she had a sweet older couple be her flower girl, and ring bearer and it was just as sweet as little kids, but honestly, if you want kids, maybe asks your cousins. The worst they can say is no.
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Super October 2019
Cassi · on August 16, 2019 at 10:38 AM
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We have a ring bearer (our 5 year old son) but no flower girl and we aren't worried about it. Its not a necessity, the wedding will still flow and be awesome no matter what!
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Savvy February 2020
Amers · on August 17, 2019 at 11:57 AM
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I’ve decided to just let it go. If/when people ask why they aren’t in the wedding, I’ll just have to tell them my brother didn’t want them to be. I’m over it at this point.
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