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Rissachu
Dedicated August 2019

First wedding planning disagreement over guest list

Rissachu, on December 29, 2017 at 9:02 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 26

My FH and I have had our first wedding planning disagreement and it is over the guest list. I don't want children at the wedding, because toddlers have a tendency to just start crying and throwing a fit at any moment because they do not have the social skills yet necessary to realize how they should...

My FH and I have had our first wedding planning disagreement and it is over the guest list. I don't want children at the wedding, because toddlers have a tendency to just start crying and throwing a fit at any moment because they do not have the social skills yet necessary to realize how they should conduct themselves in certain situations. This presents a problem because at the time of our wedding, FSIL will have a two and a half year old toddler, and my own sister will have a one and a half year old, and two other children under teenager years. I mainly do not want my sister's children there because she has a tendency to not make them mind very much, however my FH thinks we can't not allowed children because of FSIL. I know FSIL would make her child mind, but there's still that nagging fear that a child will start screaming in the middle of the ceremony or some other important moment. FH says I am thinking too much into this and that we don't need to worry about screaming children because it'll "be a non-issue."

Am I worrying about this too much? Would I be taboo to simply have my sister's invitation be just for her and one guest and leave it at that? She lives out of state anyway and I don't think she would travel with all of her children (she possibly might not even come at all for non-children related issues, I am sure).

I know my sister has a tendency to be drama-prone and she over-reacts. I am afraid that if I make her invitation +1 only and she comes and sees FSIL's child that she'd cause an issue.

We aren't going to have a wedding party, but do you think I could get out of this my making FSIL's daughter a flower girl of some sort? At two and a half years old though, I have my doubts that she'd be able to properly navigate her flower girl duties without assistance of an older person.

My FH and I just do not agree. He said I could make it adults only if I want to but he says that he thinks his FSIL might not come then because they wouldn't want to find a babysitter. I am a total loss of what to do.

26 Comments

  • Red Queen
    VIP May 2018
    Red Queen ·
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    We will have about fifteen children at our wedding, from about eleven down to two. I trust that parents will actually parent their children and will take them out for a break if they get antsy.

    Our son is going to be there, and so children are welcome. I think he wouldn't be happy being the only child present, and our wedding is a celebration. It's supposed to be fun and loud and all of those things. So of course all our family and friends are invited to bring children. How else do they learn how to behave without being given the opportunity to attend events? And they are part of the family, too.

    And honestly, no matter how much time I was given, I would not attend a non local wedding without my children. If I'm travelling, I want my kids nearby.

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  • Amy
    Devoted April 2018
    Amy ·
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    If you want the kids in the wedding (FG/ RB) than I would say they should be at the whole thing, only because I have gone through the same issue and there's no good way to kick kids out. If they are not participating in the wedding then its your right not to want kids there... if either of you think your family wont go because they wont want to find a babysitter then shame on them. they have plenty of time and notice to figure it out.

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  • M
    Beginner February 2018
    Maggie ·
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    We’re only having our son as the ring bearer and a flower girl. Not other children invited. If not they will be running around, board and parents wont enjoy the wedding because they’re busy taking care of the child. I know some relatives may not be happy, but it’s are wedding our choice Smiley smile
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