First Look or Wait??

We had a first look and it was my favorite moment of the day. Having that time be just H and I before we started the day was incredible. It gave us some time to breathe, we got all our photos done, and it enabled us to join cocktail hour during the reception. I also didn’t find that it took away from seeing each other in the aisle at all. It was a completely different emotion for me to see him during the first look vs walking down the aisle to actually marry him.

First look 100%. H and I did this and I have no regrets. We have so many sweet pictures and it was nice being able to have a little quiet time before the wedding with him. Also, because we did this we did all our family and bridal party pictures before the ceremony. We got to hang out with all our guests for the whole cocktail hour and we got to slip away for a private glass of champagne and to practice our first dance.

I'm really torn on this too. I think I'm leaning towards an intimate first look between my FH and I. Our venue has a chapel on site, and I think I really want a first look in there, so we are probably going to do that. I like the idea of just having a moment for us, and that seems the way to go. Good luck with your decision.

I am stuck between the two as well. A lot of photographers I have spoken to say they are to first look, because you get more time to mingle with guest during cocktail hours and you don't have to rush off to take pictures right after the ceremony.

Other brides mention that it calms them down and takes the nerves and jittery away from them when they do the first look. Not to mention they want that special first moment with their FH before all the "craziness" lol.

I would love to have more time to mingle with guest during cocktail hour but I don't necessarily care about being all nervous waking down the aisle.

We're struggling with too. I think we're going to do the first look because we'll have more time for pictures and get to share an intimate moment together.

I actually want to do a first look but FH said no. He wants to see me for the 1st time when i walk down the aisle.

View Quoted Comment I was this same way and honestly glad we waited.

We're doing a first look so that we can take more pictures ahead of time and spend more of our cocktail hour mingling. Also, there's a lot of really cool areas for pics at our venue so we want to take advantage of as many of them as possible before it gets too dark.

We were glad we did a first look. It settled Husband's nerves and gave us some quiet time alone before being pulled in a million directions. It also allowed us to take pics before the ceremony and enjoy time with our guests afterwards.

I was torn too. But FH and I decided that we are going to do a first look. Our photographer suggested it to help get a lot of the pictures out of the way so that we can enjoy cocktail hour. I am also excited to have the private moment with FH, to help with the jitters and just enjoy the day with each other!

When I was reading things about doing a first look or waiting I do not hear any negatives about either. Either way people decided to go they were all happy they did it that way. I was nervous about it taking away from walking down the aisle, but what everyone says is it does not.

Do a first look!! It was my absolute favorite part of my wedding day It's such a sweet and intimate moment. I'm a photographer too and always recommend it to people...

I highly recommend a "first look" for my couples getting married! Seeing each other during a "first look" before the ceremony is a very special and intimate moment shared with just the couple, and it can help ease some nerves before the ceremony. I promise... Doing a "first look" does not make the walk down the aisle any less special! Additionally, doing a "first look" will also allow for taking more group photos (photos of the couple, photos of the bridal party, and family photos if family members have arrived early) before the ceremony, so there are less photos to take after the ceremony, and you can get back to celebrating more quickly!

I also just read another photographer's thoughts on first looks and I think she explains the benefits of it really well too...

I have a series of these from alllll of my weddings...I call it "Aisle Face vs. First Look Face" or rather "Everyone is looking at me, and I'm a man I can't cry" face vs. "No One is here...WOW she's MINE face". If they're going to cry they'll do it BOTH times, if they're not, well, they're just not, but the more sincere and unhindered reactions are almost always unleashed in a private First Look, there are exceptions...but they're just that...exceptions because "men aren't supposed to cry" so most often they stifle full on reactions in "stage fright" type nervousness/perception

As an option I offer my Brides why not have your "aisle moment" in private? Have the music queue up and whoever is walking you down still walk you down, BUT it just be the two of you (and the photographer's hiding out of the way of course) once they get you down to him before he turns around?

Speaking from too much experience Grooms (and Brides actually!) are so focused on 1) not crying in front of soooo many eyes all fixed on them/with his bros standing beside him that it's very rare in reality for Grooms to totally "lose it" like we hope they will, as opposed to a First Look where there's NO ONE in his eye gaze literally except you to remind him he needs to "man up" and choke back the tears.

So, if you want a more authentic reaction, AND BONUS be able to spend more time actually enjoying your DAY together as opposed to just a few action packed, no time to rest mush less talk or even kiss beside the First Kiss as husband and wife until dancing, maybe, really re-consider the FirstLook.

Not doing a first look. Photographers are trying really hard to talk me into it, but I won't budge. Here are my issues with it:

1. It isn't really candid. The groom knows it's coming, and there is an expectation to have this beautiful reaction. My fiance would feel on the spot, more so than when he sees me walking down the aisle, actually. I don't want him to have to feel like he has to react a certain way.
2. My family is not supporting our engagement or wedding. Therefore, it's important to me that our first look happens down the aisle, so we can proudly share that happy moment with everyone! Of course, this probably isn't your situation, but the way I see it, you gathered everyone to share your love and celebration with you, so let them truly share that first look with you.
3. People sometimes just do first looks for the photo ops. Yes, it's difficult to squeeze all the photos in but not impossible with planning. If you want to do the first look, I say do it because you want to have that moment of calm and intimacy before the wedding, not just because you need photos. Definitely understand why people do it for photos, but for me, it would have to be an emotional thing, because that's what matters. But if you're working with limited daylight, tight scheduling then I guess it makes sense.

I know my opinion isn't a popular one and I'm not shooting down anyone who chooses to do a first look. It just wouldn't be natural for us so we aren't doing it.

I honestly think the groom will still have that amazing reaction seeing the bride walk down the aisle even if he sees her before. That being said, we are choosing to not see each other until I am walking down the aisle. It's one tradition I want to keep, and the logistics of it just work better for us.

That being said, I am doing photos with the bridesmaids and my family ahead of time to save some time.

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Wow, this was incredibly helpful and I think I've already made my mind up...and teared up a little LOL

Thank you so much!!!

Does your FH have an opinion about what he wants to do?

Originally I wanted to go the more traditional route and not do a first look, but my FH wanted to do a first look and it was one of his only requests for the wedding so that is what we have decided to go with.

Plus I do think there is something sweet about that moment being private rather than surrounded by a ton of family and friends.

One thing to think about is you will not a have a lot of alone time the day of the wedding, but having a first look could offer you 15 minutes before the wedding alone together to feel a little less anxious and just be excited about your day together, and you still will have that romantic surprise factor, plus great photos.

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Aww, glad to help!

I really don't understand where people get the idea that your FH won't have an emotional reaction to seeing you for the first time in your wedding dress unless you're standing at the start of the aisle. It makes no sense at all, and it's just not true.

We did a first look, my H got super emotional and cried when he saw me (as did I), and it was my favorite part of the day. And the photos from that moment are gorgeous. Walking down the aisle was still just as special.

View Quoted Comment What did you decide? And I’m torn too. But I want us to have a few special genuine moments together. We like having secret moments we don’t want to share with the world. They will still get to see our emotion excitement and I don’t think it will change anything. I’m probably still gonna cry at the alter cause I’m a big baby.. and I am paying a lot of money I want to enjoy everything including cocktail hour.

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It's completely okay not to want to do a first look, but I just wanted to clarify a few misconceptions...

If you're saying the groom knows the first look is coming, he also knows the walk down the aisle is coming, so if you're saying the first look isn't candid, then the same goes for the reaction to the walk down the aisle.

I think reactions are MORE genuine during a first look. The couple doesn't worry about what anyone else thinks, doesn't feel put on the spot or on display. Sometimes guys' reactions at the aisle are actually less emphatic, because they feel they have to look strong and not show too much emotion in front of everyone. Of course that doesn't go for every person, but it is something to keep in mind. Another photographer said this and I agree - if someone is going to cry for the walk down the aisle, they will likely cry for the first look too. But if someone is more reserved, you might not get their true feelings/reaction to the walk down the aisle versus first look.

Again, nothing wrong with not doing a first look, but I disagree with the sentiment that first looks are staged and don't capture true emotion.

View Quoted Comment I did mean to say that it's not like I think that first looks are LESS genuine than walking down the aisle, but more that they're not any more candid than walking down the aisle. If anything, they are equal for me in that regard. HOWEVER, when you see first look photos versus wedding aisle photos they're totally different. The groom and bride look really emotional, really teary, and what I'm saying is that I don't want my fiance to feel like he has to look that way, because he won't. I would rather get a smile at the wedding.

And I disagree on your second point. My fiance and I are different. We've never been good with just us and a camera, taking engagement photos was painful. My fiance especially is much more likely to smile and have a big reaction when he is in front of everyone, because that's his family and friends, and he's excited. My fiance isn't the crying type but he isn't the macho type either, he wouldn't feel like he has to act stoic. He would feel more comfortable and happy because he likes surprises, and we both agree that it's important for us to feel comfortable, and not pressured. Yes, it may seem strange to some, but we would feel a lot more pressure doing a first look with just us, as opposed to a walk down the aisle where we get to share that happiness with everyone.

I'm not saying that your approach is wrong, or that first looks are wrong, but I am getting a little tired of everyone assuming that everyone's most emotional, most authentic experience is a first look when there are plenty of couples that do it the traditional way and have more fun, genuine reactions doing it the traditional way.