P.F.
Super May 2018

First awkward moment D:

P.F., on March 3, 2018 at 2:46 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 23
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I just had my very first "so kids aren't invited to the wedding...does that mean my kid can't come?" phone call. Oh it was so awkward! I felt really bad and almost caved and let my cousin bring his daughter but I knew I had to stand firm or I'd end up with like 20 kids at our wedding! He told me "Oh, I already told her she could come and she said she really wanted to go." Smiley cry

My FH and I very firmly do not want kids there at all. There are many reasons for not having kids at weddings (just as some think there are many reasons to have them there) but aside from those reasons we just straight up don't want kids around on our day. But I feel like I was being guilt tripped and he's my family so of course I want to make him happy! Ugh, so awkward

23 Comments

  • jerzgrlnmd
    Expert May 2018
    jerzgrlnmd ·
    • Flag
    Just stick to what you and your FI decided and it’ll be ok. We only have my nieces and nephews invited as far as kids under 13. We will make concessions for a newborn who is breastfeeding but besides that no babies or toddlers are on our list.
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
    • Flag

    My niece and nephew will be there as well because my sister and her husband are in the wedding party so I know people will show up and say "well why did they get to come??"

    Thankfully there are no infants among the people invited!

    • Reply
  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
    • Flag
    We had one of these recently too "so your wedding is no kids, that doesn't include (his kids name) though right?"

    Um yes, he's a kid. Why would you think he's an exception
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    A thousand times yes!!

    I just don't get why he would invite his daughter along with him when the envelope was addressed specifically to him. I feel bad for his daughter if she truly was looking forward to going.

    • Reply
  • Malwen107
    VIP October 2018
    Malwen107 ·
    • Flag

    I'm worried we'll get a couple of these from people we're very close with, but we're not accommodating kids, and one of my friends, if all her boys came it would add 3 to the headcount, so we're going to have to stand firm. I'm so sorry you had to have the awkward convo!

    • Reply
  • MrsHanlon
    Devoted July 2018
    MrsHanlon ·
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    So awkward! Weddings just bring out the self absorbed mentality in the most unexpected people. What was your response, if you don't mind my asking?


    FH and I have been dealing with not only the topic of children coming to the wedding but also distant friends asking why they aren't in the bridal party, my FMIL wondering why we can't invite all of her friends from boom club but we seem to be able to invite our own friends....
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    There is no breach of etiquette in inviting children in circles, just as you invite adults in circles. Nieces and nephews can be invited without including other children.

    Do yourself a favor though and don't tell people you are not including children, because you are. Just say that you are only able to include children of the wedding party, or nieces and nephews, whichever is more accurate.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.McFly
    Dedicated June 2018
    Mrs.McFly ·
    • Flag
    My nieces and his nephew will be there because they are in the wedding party. But as far as everyone else they cannot bring their kids.
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    That is a much better way to put it!
    • Reply
  • Nick & Joi
    Expert May 2018
    Nick & Joi ·
    • Flag
    I kindly told my family members no kids and they were happy actually. We are parents everyday and it’s nice to have a night off without the kids, was their reply so that was easy for us. But stand firm in your decisions, it’s your day, your way. Oh and FH day too ❤️
    • Reply
  • T
    Expert September 2018
    Tia_Fred ·
    • Flag
    I would stand firm only kids that are allowed are the kods in the wedding party. it will only be my daughter there but i was thinking just to invite one of her friends just so she isnt lonely and bored. But as for my recption no kids period as well
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsC
    Dedicated October 2018
    FutureMrsC ·
    • Flag
    We won’t be having kids at our wedding either, with the exception of the ones who are in the wedding. This was my FH’s initial decision and he has a child as well, who will be in the wedding. His number one reason was the fact that we’re having an open bar, and our bridal party who will have kids there are all participating in the hotel block we have, so we don’t have to worry about any drinking and driving . I have a few people that I’ve been wondering about if they’ll ask me about it once they have the invites, but it’s is what it is. I agree with the others and say stand firm in this as well. It’s your wedding.
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsC
    Dedicated October 2018
    FutureMrsC ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    True. The open bar as well as wanting to have an adults only are our reasons and those being invited will know
    • Reply
  • LizzyG
    Devoted September 2018
    LizzyG ·
    • Flag

    Do not budge. You wanted no kids, then there should be no kids.

    • Reply
  • Kristina
    Master August 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag

    I wanted a child-free wedding too, but we have OOT guests who are also Indian, and they just do NOT do child free weddings, so it was a matter of offending his family members if we did not allow those children. Two of them are my flower girls, and there are only two more, so we were able to work it out.

    I have ONE child on my side- she's 10, almost like a niece/sister to me, and my aunt is bringing her as a +1. I know that might cause some drama, but I'm taking it as it comes.

    Her asking to bring her daughter as her +1 is the only awkward moment I've had so far, but I'm sure I'll have more when the invites go out.

    Definitely stick to your guns. Guilt tripping is gross and I hate that people do it!!!

    • Reply
  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    Why would a parent tell a child they could go without knowing if they are invited? Stand your ground or you will end up with kids and unhappy parents who followed the rules and didn't ask to bring their kids but are now upset. The worst of both worlds.
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly! Maybe I shouldn't have but that's what I told him! I can't allow one without allowing them all and there's just too many kids and it's not what we want
    • Reply
  • Lyons,Tigers,Bears
    Dedicated June 2018
    Lyons,Tigers,Bears ·
    • Flag

    We had our first push back too. I'm amazed at how parents don't realize that not everyone is in love with their brats the way they are. I was tempted to say, did I write "and family" on the invite? No, I did not.

    • Reply
  • Mozabrat
    Devoted October 2018
    Mozabrat ·
    • Flag

    You do not owe anyone an explanation. If they are not invited then keep to it, do not cave...remember this is your event, not theirs and their kids can have their own party!

    • Reply
  • Kacie
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Kacie ·
    • Flag
    I am going through the same thing right now. I want a kid free wedding except for my flowers girls and ring bearer. But my fiance aunt has a daughter the same age as the flower girl and his sister will have a 6 month old baby by the time of our wedding. I want to keep it fair for both sides. I am not having any my friends or my family bring their kids under 15. But now it is the his family will be against me of these kids cant come. I want to stand my ground but dont want to start off on the wrong foot with my fiance's family.
    • Reply

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