Firing Bridesmaid...help!!!

It is not a duty or requirement that any bridesmaid help with, or pay for, a shower. Ever. People volunteer to give showers, or they don't. The bride has absolutely no right to demand any payment for a shower. You are out of line, not her . Also, you cannot require anyone to get professional makeup. Your pictures will record the wedding as it was, with real people. They are not professional models or actresses you are paying $300 an hour to make pretty pictures for you. And it is insulting to tell a friend or family member, you are too unattractive to be in my wedding unless you have a professional hair and makeup person work on you. Your post is very self centered. You need to open up, and not look at your friends and family as money for your party, or props for your pictures. It is not right to demand what you are from your bridesmaids . They are friends first and last.

From reading the responses I’m going to help her pay for shoes and such. As for bridal shower that’s my mom and MOH problem. If they come to me about the bridal shower I would just suggest if the BM can help set up and tear down, or if she can buy cakes/chips or supplies for the shower.
thanks again ☺️

I think your expectations are unrealistic, and I am just wanting to chime in and agree with what everyone else has already said. I wonder how close you are to these girls, that you can already "fire" one and not think anything of it. All of the weddings I've been in have been so special, the brides were always close friends, and it was a huge honor to be up there. The brides never asked us to pay for anything except the dress, and they always looked for affordable options that we could wear again (not that I ever wore one again, but I appreciated the thought). My sister's wedding, she paid for all of our hair and makeup, even our clothes. If you're after a specific aesthetic, then be prepared to foot the bill.

View Quoted Comment Being in a bridal party is such an honor, and privilege as well as a big expense so as a bride being understanding about financial situations goes a long way. If someone brings up what they can do for the shower I would suggest telling the to get with you Mom and or MOH to see where they would be most helpful that way you are completely out of the "behind the scenes" of your shower and don't have to be the one to ask them for financial help or contributing where money will be spent. I think having them help set up / clean up would be fair.

First of all, bridesmaid isn’t a job, you don’t fire a bridesmaid. You’re not her boss.
Do you actually care about these friends? Because it sounds like you never once consulted on what they could afford and are dropping them because they can’t pay for the things you want. If all you wanted just perfect looking photo props to stand next to you, you should have hired models, not your friends. It literally doesn’t matter what shoes bridesmaids wear, not a SINGLE person notices. I’d consider being a friend first and a bride second.

I wanted to chime in if you’re still reading these replies. I think it’s commendable of you to take the comments to heart and own up to your mistakes. Planning a wedding when you have zero exposure to wedding culture is hard so it’s nice to see you make things right.

You shouldn’t “fire” your friends from your bridal party just because their finances don’t meet your expectations of them. Yes, it’s your wedding day, but if this is someone who you truly want to still be part of your life after the wedding is over, then pick your battles here. $100 for a dress is kinda a lot of money, especially for someone with other bills and priorities. I see your wedding is only a few months away, it’s not always to be able to come up with money so quickly. If the dress is so important, maybe consider being flexible about makeup—let her (and the other girls) do their own, or offer to contribute towards the cost. I mean this from the bottom of my heart though, don’t ruin a friendship over money, it’s not worth it. At the end of the day you’re marrying the love of your life, and that’s all that should truly matter. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Seems like you are reading these comments and actually taking them to heart, which is refreshing to see. I wont reiterate what's already been said, just wish you luck and ease up a bit. Just remember, they are your friends first, bridesmaids second.

I’ve never heard of a bridesmaid being asked to pay for a shower, unless it was agreed up on first. Being a bridesmaid is an expensive task as it is, and I agree that having to pay for her makeup should be something you cover if you’re “requiring it”. I would be very cautious because your wedding is one day. If this is a friend, that relationship will extend far longer and you’d hate to lose that over this.

Oh yikes, so many places where things went wrong. Good on you for listening to all the feedback and criticism and not just storming off, OP!

Ditto the others - you're not firing them. The phrase you're looking for is "kick out." It's the kind of thing you reserve for when your friend makes a pass at your fiancé or steals your mother's jewelry. It's often a friendship-ending move to kick someone out of your wedding party. It's both a very public and a very personal slight against someone that you were honoring.

The bride does get to dictate a dress, but it should be chosen with the bridesmaids' budget and comfort in mind. That's why it's recommended that the bride ask each of the bridesmaids individually and privately what their dress budget is, and then stay below the lowest number in the group. If it's hard to find a dress that satisfies the requirements, you can always just give color and length (and maybe fabric) and let them each pick a dress that suits their comfort and budget. There should have been no need for the first bridesmaid to drop out over a dress.

After she dropped out, though, you also didn't need to replace her, and frankly I'm with those who argue that it's not appropriate to replace a wedding party member. Sides don't need to be even, and it tells both your original bridesmaid and your replacement that you see them primarily as props in your wedding and that they're interchangeable.

Now that you have a new bridesmaid, though, she's not doing anything wrong. She's not required to help plan, host, or pay for a shower. If she can't afford it, that's fine. If she wants to help host in some other way she can offer to do so, or not. It's up to her. I suggest you stay out of it since it's a party thrown in your honor, except possible to remind your MOH and mom that she's not obligated to help host unless she offers, and if she offers they might think about non-financial ways that she could help since her finances are a bit tight.

Finally, the shoes and hair. Why would she need shoes by the end of August? Your wedding isn't until October. She doesn't need them until the day of your wedding. Don't micromanage your bridesmaids. You can only require specific shoes if you pay for them; if you request a general neutral shoe you don't have to pay and they can wear what they want. In this case gold is a kind of neutral but it's also rather specific and may be difficult for her to find within her budget, so it borders on an being inappropriate request. I'd suggest letting them all wear gold or a nude. Whatever you do, don't kick her out of your wedding over a pair of shoes. Nobody cares what shoes your wedding party wears.

If you're requiring professional hair and/or make up, it's up to you to pay for it. The only thing you can require is the dress, which as I said should be chosen with their budget and comfort at the front of your mind. You're paying for photography to document your wedding day, not for the purposes of staging a production.

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I agree with this 100%

You're coming off very demanding. There is nothing wrong with her foregoing the professional makeup to save money. If the shoes are so important to you, you should buy her a gold pair.

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Yes!! Great decision and great way to move forward!