Firing Bridesmaid...help!!!

Your bridesmaids aren't your employees, you can't "fire" them. If you're requiring them to have their makeup professionally done, you should be the one paying for it. Whoever is hosting the shower is responsible for the cost. Your bridesmaids are absolutely not required to chip in. Perhaps you should have shared your very high expectations with your friend before asking her to be in your wedding. If you do ask her to step down, you need to reimburse her for the cost of the dress that she already purchased for your wedding.

It isn’t anyone’s responsibility to chip in for the shower unless they’ve offered to help. If you’re requiring professional makeup, you should be paying for it.

Also, you don’t employ bridesmaids so removing them from your wedding isn’t firing them. It’s telling them you don’t care about them if they don’t work in your vision.

A bridesmaid is not obligated to pay for the shower, and you should be paying for make up if you require them to have it professionally done. As for the shoes, maybe find an inexpensive pair as a suggestion and offer to loan her the money if she won’t have it by the deadline?

I'm going to give you a heads up: you're going to be crucified for this post. Bridesmaids aren't your employees. They're your friends! Supposedly your best friends and the ones you wanted standing by your side when you get married.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say maybe you all are on the younger side and this is your first go around with being in a wedding so the costs weren't understood when agreeing to being in the bridal party. My recommendation?

Bridal Shower: that's between her and the other hosts of the shower. Maybe someone can front her for the money OR skip $100 worth of stuff.

Shoes: search with her at thrift stores, online etc. to find her an inexpensive pair of gold shoes OR just get over her wearing gold and let her wear a neutral.

Makeup: allow her to do her own. If she's not pretty enough to be in your expensive photos, you may not be good enough to be her friend.

Whoa there bridezilla.....These ladies are not yours to dictate like that. Yes, this is your wedding, but that doesn't give you the right to go crazy on people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. I really hope you at least offered to pay for your first bridesmaid's dress, before FIRING her, OMG! For the second bridesmaid, she bought the dress.....that is all she technically has to do. She doesn't need the shoes until your wedding, so unsure of why you are requiring her to have them 2 months beforehand. And she definitely doesn't have to pitch in $100 for your shower or pay for professional makeup!!! That is absurd to even demand that. Unless someone offers to host a bridal shower, then they aren't even required to be there....period...let alone pay for it. Also, if you are requiring her to have her make up professionally done, then YOU need to pay for it.....otherwise, she is free to do her own thing. Sorry if all of that was blunt, but you really gotta reel yourself in some....because I would hate to be one of your friends right now, if that is how you are treating them.

View Quoted Comment Danielle pretty much said everything I wanted to. Listen to her...please.

You can't help them financially? I offered all of mine financial help if they needed

Ouch. I cringed reading this. You need to take a step back and really think about what is important to you on your wedding day. She is not obligated to pay for your shower. Let her wear whatever shoes she wants or purchase them for her. These people are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. This is not how you treat friends.

1. She’s totally not obligated to pay for the shower if she can’t afford it.

2. Just have her wear whatever shoes she wants, people aren’t going to be paying attention to your bridesmaids’ feet anyway lol

3. If you’re requiring professional makeup you’re required to pay for it. You can’t really “make” your bridesmaids pay for anything more than their dress.

Your bridesmaids are your friends, not your employees. Is non-gold shoes and non-professional makeup really worth losing this friendship? If so, I’m sorry but she is probably better off not being your friend.

My bridesmaids could’ve shown up in potato sacks and I still would’ve wanted them standing next to me!

Wow. I have no idea where you got your ideas about what bridesmaids are and aren’t, but find that person and slap them, because you’ve been led to all kinds of wrong ideas.

Being real right now...I think you need to be a little more empathetic to people's financial capabilities. It shouldn't be about how everyone looks, how much money they put in, or how they look in your pictures. It should be about who you want standing with you on one of the biggest days of your life.

If a bridesmaid can't afford the dress and the makeup then you can pitch in and help her. If a bridesmaid can't put in the extra money for the shower then find a cheaper option for a bridal shower. There's plenty of ideas on the internet and on this site.

Just take a step back and realize what you're saying and how you're treating these people who should be more important to you than money.

Thanks for the feed back. I’m not trying to be a bridezilla, but this is all of our (bridal party) first go around. Just trying to figure things out. I haven’t made a decision, but comments have opened my eyes.
thanks

If you're not getting married until October why does she need her shoes by the end of August?

"Paying Good Money for Photos" as the reason to require your friends to have their makeup professionally done is kinda selfish. It tells me that you care more about creating perfect pictures than actually enjoying the day with the people you care about.

Please rethink your approach.

Bridezilla! Major fauxpaus on this!
1. You need to ask your bridesmaids what they can afford before deciding the dress.
2. Asking someone to step down often ends the relationship, you better be prepared to never see her again!
3. Nobody should be paying for your shower unless they volunteered to! Asking the maids to chip in is just an ugly thing to do.
4. If it's any pair of gold shoes don't sweat it
5. If you are forcing them to do professional hair and make up YOU pay for it.
Frankly you better be ready to have no friends if you keep this up!

Please don't "fire" this other bridesmaid! It's not a job. I really hope you'll look at what previous posters have said and reflect on it. I wish you nothing but the best!

View Quoted Comment Movies and tv shows create an unrealistic expectation for weddings and bridal parties. Coming from someone who has been a bridesmaid 14 times it’s helpful to remember that these people are your friends first and foremost. You’re honoring them by having them up there not employing them. No ones going to notice if someone shoes are a little different or if there makeup isn’t professionally done and when you look back at your pictures all you will see is everyone’s joy. I promise!

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This!! Your bridesmaid isn't responsible for anything except getting a dress. I'm not sure why you're making her have her shows 2 months beforehand, and if you're making the girls get their makeup professionally done, you need to pay for it!

View Quoted Comment I'd like to add, several years ago I was required to pay for pro makeup as a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. She picked the artist, had reviewed her work etc. I hated my makeup. It wasn't ugly, but it wasn't great. The photos that my friend "paid good money for" would have been even nicer had I done my makeup myself.
Yes - she was a pro with good reviews. No - it wasn't bad (but not spectacular). Yes - I "could" have had a trial - but I definitely wouldn't have wanted to pay that too (don't make your friends do this), and I also loved six hours away, so no.

TL:dr - pro doesn't necessarily mean better.

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I certainly hope these comments have opened your eyes, but the fact that you haven't yet made a decision suggests otherwise.

Two of my bridesmaids are first time Moms and their babies are less than 8 months old so if they couldn't afford the full price of their dress I made up what they couldn't, and FH and I are completely paying out of our own pockets for out wedding. I didn't ask my best friend and my sister to step down from standing with me on my special day because of their financial situation. I gave them the option of professional hair and make up that way they get to decide if they want to pay for those services, and I have an amazing photographer, so does that mean my photos will look bad because my bridesmaids don't have make up caked on? No. It means my photos will be 1000x better because it shows them as their natural and comfortable selves. For shoes I'm sure someone has a pair of gold shoes she can borrow for ONE DAY not that big of deal. I don't mean to be rude but a bridal shower is an honor to have, my MIL is driving 6 hours to host mine and I would never ask my bridesmaids to throw one because that is saying "pay for my party because I'm getting married" after they are already spending money to be apart of YOUR day. Treat your friends like friends and not employees who you can "fire" or you will end up miserable and without friends period.