Firing a bridesmaid? Help?!

You could always sit her down and speak with her again and ask how she feels about the whole situation. Something could be bothering her and she may not want to come out and tell you. If you feel like you both have drifted apart, then it's important to tell her and let her know. You're obviously aware that removing her is a friendship ending move, and that you're prepared for that so really, the choice is up to you.

You don't feel like there's a relationship anymore, and when you look back on your photos and/or video, you want your closest friends to be there beside you.

I hope it works out either way! Her response of 'please be patient' is what's making me feel like there's an underlying reason why she's being distant. Good luck!

You cannot fire a BM (BTW they aren't your employees) without ending the friendship. The other thing to consider is how that will look to the other wedding party members and your guests. You may come off badly for doing this.

She's done nothing wrong and has asked for time. Your wedding isn't for 9 months. Have you asked her about her well-being? Is she OK mentally/emotionally? Sounds like she is struggling.

Your BM only responsibility is to get the dress and stand for photos.

Maybe think of this as a friendship issue and not a "wedding" issue. What is it that she needs from you? I hope it works out.

I would sit her down and ask what is going on maybe she is going through a break up? maybe she has anxiety and is experiencing an anxiety attack? I wouldn't fire her that would be a friendship ending move

I understand the stress level you are going through. Sometimes we have friends that have a little bit of jealousy that you are getting married and they are not or it could be other personal issues, but at the end of the day you need positive support around you. It is about you at the moment and you require all the attention. Since you have addressed the situation and she say to give her time & nothing has changed, you can give her a different position, instead of Bridesmaid. A Bridesmaid job is to be your support system. Just explain to her that you really need her help making sure that the caterers and vendors are arranging things correctly and you have no one else that you trust but her to make sure the reception will turn out like it is suppose to. One of my Best friends has this job for me, but I really did want her as a Bridesmaid, but she has the most experience at organizing in my circle. You can give her a position name like Bridal Support Specialist. This way she is not bringing her negative energy around during the Bridesmaids planning and when you communicate with her it is just short and sweet because her job is not actually a job that must be around you constantly. Do whatever you are going to do before she starts spending money on dress & shoes......You will need nothing but POSITIVE ENERGY DURING THIS IMPORTANT TIME!

What are the specific things that you want from her that you aren't getting? Not that friendship is transactional, but it could help you when you have a discussion with her, talk about what your friendship entails. Friendships often mean different things to different people. You may both feel you are being good friends and not understand what the other wants. Try to stay away from vague statements, like "I want you to be there for me" but instead "I want you to engage in conversations/be available to talk once a week/etc."

Some people are awesome and you like them, but they don't "do" friendships the way you do, and that's just the way it is. I have a small circle of friends that rarely talk, sometimes text, but have at different times dropped literally everything and driven 500 miles at a moment's notice to help each other with a crisis. That tends to be the way I do things, I like solitude and so have curated a friend group who operates the same way. She may not be a good fit for friendship.

To be honest, your wedding is still 9 months away so I'm not entirely sure what it is that you are currently expecting of this bridesmaid that she's disappointing you with. I understand wanting things done quickly (I myself am someone who likes to have everything done yesterday) but there is still absolutely plenty of time left - some brides haven't even ordered their own dresses 9 months out let alone have all vendors booked, so what are you actually expecting her to have done by this point?

By the same token, your friend has expressed to you that she'd appreciate your patience - she hasn't really done anything to indicate that she won't make an effort or be there for you. I actually commend her for being honest with you and asking for your patience.

I truly think you are going to end this friendship over nothing if you fire her as a bridesmaid and would strongly caution against this.

But by "all hands on board" what are you expecting of her? Is she meant to plan events, attend meetings with you, organise certain details etc?

Just because she hasn't been acting as a wedding planner doesn't mean she isn't a close girlfriend or any less of a friend. Personally, if I had a friend tell me our relationship is meaningless and I'm not a good friend because I didn't fulfil my role as de-facto wedding planner well enough for her, I wouldn't be thinking very highly of her...

If you have the expectations that I assume you do from your response, I think you might be doing your friend a favour by firing her and ending the friendship.