Fight with bridesmaid

Did you ever talk to her before things needed to be planned to tell her you expected her to be in charge of those things? You can't expect things of someone without talking and them agreeing first that they can do those things.

As far as the cost argument, while she probably could have done things in a better way, it's not easy to speak up when you're the only person who can't afford something out of a group. She most likely went to you about it because you're her best friend.

I think at this point your anger towards her is justified but I also think you've expected too much of her during this process and she's over it, which is okay on her part. The bridal party isn't required to do anything but show up to your wedding in whatever attire you have requested. While it's nice that they wanted to have a bridal shower and bach party for you, nothing says she's obligated to plan it or even show up. If you expected those things of her you should have made that clear when you asked her to be a bridesmaid.

Edit because I wanted to touch on this too: There's no reason for you to be upset about her not meeting your MIL and changing her plans to accommodate you that night. She had other stuff going on.

She has no obligation to do any of the things you mentioned; they are entirely optional. It sounds like she expressed financial concerns, but instead you perceive that as "causing you grief" and "make you feel guilty." She tried to tell you; listen to your friend. Prioritize being a friend first and a bride second. Based on all you've described, I would be distancing myself as well. Stop centering your relationship around your wedding activities, just be her friend.

Everyone has a breaking point and it seems as though you've reached hers. Instead of asking her to do things for you, you just expected her to read your mind and you've become upset that she hasn't. I say you're lucky she's just snapped at you a few times after you haven't honored her requests to take a step back from the planning. She could have dropped out of the wedding but she hasn't. As Stacey said, I think you need to focus on your friendship with her and not her role in your wedding. Everyone gets burnt out hearing about weddings constantly and you don't seem to be listening to her as a friend anymore.

A position in the bridal party is meant for you to honour your closest people, not the other way around. Attending the bachelor party and shower is optional, and not considered part of the duties. She said you've made her uncomfortable in the past, and so she is responding to that. I would consider lowering your expectations, because you're at risk of losing your friendship it sounds like.

This is a post-pandemic year, and finances are tricky for a lot of people. Before you say you know she has lots of money, keep in mind that you don't get to dictate how she spends it. The only thing she's obligated to purchase is the dress for the wedding (within her budget).

I hope everything works out for you guys!

I think that's a good plan. I totally understand it being hard to not think and talk about your wedding! It definitely consumes you when there's so much to do. I do the same thing at times.

My MOH is super excited and has already started planning my Bach party that's over a year away, but even with her I try and do my best to ask her about things going on in her life that aren't related to my wedding planning.

Good luck with the rest of your planning and I hope you and your friend are able to work through this without ruining your relationship.

I'm not having bridesmaids and this is exactly why - drama always stirs up! and, I feel like I'd be similar to you, and expect my bridesmaids to help with the planning of events prior to the wedding. I don't blame you for being upset with her - I don't think what you expected of her was unreasonable- especially if she's your best friend. But, not everyone thinks like that and communicating with her about your expectations probably would have been best.

Going forward, you should sit down and talk to her about where there were miscommunications and what you two can do to have a successful rest of the wedding planning where both of you feel comfortable! Good luck and I hope this doesn't effect your friendship too much!

She is not under any obligation to participate in anything leading up to the wedding day. Did you discuss expectations in detail before you asked her to be a bridesmaid? It sounds like there are deeper issues beyond wedding planning that both of you need resolve with each other and individually.

In a sense yes, they are standard things bridesmaids do, but only if they have the funds and time to plan them and they should never be expected. When you ask your friends to be in your bridal party, you are honoring them by having them stand next to you an support you on your big day. You recognize them as your nearest and dearest. Not to host parties and help plan your wedding.

What some don't realize (not necessarily you) is that bridesmaids can be excited for you and not participate in pre wedding festivities at the same time. Bridesmaids have different personalities, some are planners, some go with the flow, some have so much going on in their lives that all they can do is celebrate from afar, and some think they are giving a friendship everything when on the receiving end it can feel like not enough. This doesn't make any one friend better than the other. If you want to keep the friendship, give her space and try not to talk wedding as much and just keep her updated on everything. Like others have said, friend first, bride second. Good luck

Others have given you good advice and you seem really open to trying to do what you can to make the situation better for both of you -- GOOD JOB!!!! There are so many posts here where stories like yours end with a B "firing" a BM.... Good for you that you clearly see the big picture in this friendship. The only thing I wanted to add is that your post starts with, "she's been acting strange since I got engaged...." That makes me wonder if maybe there is something more going on with HER.... Is she struggling with her romantic relationship status and/or perhaps her mental health? Especially with all the craziness of the last 16+ months, I think a lot of people are "not their usual selves." I think many of us are bit a shell shocked -- it's been a year where relationships, routines, livelihoods, finances, medical issues of loved ones, etc., etc. etc. have been challenged like never before. I think it's good that you're going to give you both some space, but it might help to consider if there might be something out of the norm going on in her life. I hope you both find peace and comfort in your relationship.