Fiance's parents want us to go on a trip to Europe with them a couple of weeks after our honeymoon

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The issue was never about the destination. We told them that we did not want to go on the trip with them because that would be too close to when we are getting married and we want to have time to adjust since we barely get to see each other. They are not listening and disregarding our wishes...pushing to get what they want. This has nothing to do with having a close relationship with his family. I spend a lot of time around them already. They are nice people but yes there are some things I am not to fond of. Like the fact that they drink around my fiance and all of their children despite the fact that they all have DUIs on their record and have been in jail for alcohol. His parents still offer my fiance alcohol and it really bother me. In fact, they gave him his first sip as a minor on a family vacation where they like to get trashed.

I met my fiance in medical school and he was gone for a few weeks of the semester. Later I found out he was serving time in jail. Since we met he has been completely sober because I let him know I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who gets drunk all the time. His siblings continue to drink and have no direction in life. I personally do not think his family is a good influence. He grew up in the "party house" where his mother allowed him to do drugs in the basement during high school. So yeah, I'm not marrying him because I love his family. They have a very different lifestyle then what I was brought up with, one that I do not agree with. Luckily we are not having children, because if I did I would not allow them to be around his family.

I don’t understand why you’re upset about this. They’re inviting you on a vacation. I’d understand declining, since you have a lot going on right beforehand, but maybe suggest doing a family vacation at a later date.
On another note - are you sure it’s wise to be marrying someone you “don’t know a lot about”? I recommend that you spend some time together, maybe even look into premarital counseling. Then you’ll also be able to discuss this particular issue and any other issues that arise with his family.

View Quoted Comment Does your fiancé know that this is what you think about his family?

i can understand not wanting to go on the trip due to finances and being unable to get additional time off from work, but this latest post makes it sound like the real reason is something much different.

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I didn't say I don't know him a lot. I said there is a lot we do not know about each other because we have never lived together. Things change when living with a person.

Again, I am upset because we already declined their offer because we told his parents we need to adjust to our new home and just being married. They are not respecting our request and asking in a different way to get what they want. I have noticed his mother does this in other situations. She is very pushy and doses not seem to take no for an answer.

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Yes, my fiance knows how I feel about his family. That's part of it, but the main part is I feel like they don't take no for an answer and keep pushing until we give in.

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Okay, this is the context we needed to understand why you were upset. I can appreciate that, because there are some sober people who can tolerate others' drinking and honestly somewhere you need to be respectful of their sobriety. I personally agree that they should be more respectful of your FH's. This I understand. Before, it made no sense at all. Thank you for providing that context.

To answer the actual question you asked: No. Having somebody throw you a shower to indulge themselves and their friends is on a completely different level. While Europe is amazing and you should always go if given the chance, I would be very stressed about leaving on such a big trip right after your wedding and honeymoon and moving in together. It's completely justified to say "We don't want to spend the money, I don't want to take more time off of work, and we're too stressed to be going on another trip so soon. We do appreciate the offer and hope you guys have a great time."

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Me too however I would get some boundaries out front: Are we all required to be together 24/7? If so, decline. If we are free to do some day trips alone then meet up for dinner then hell yes, especially if they will spring for air fare.

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Thanks for reading my follow up. I do want to go to Europe. That's actually where my fiance and I wanted to go, and his family know that. It doesn't make sense for us to go to Europe, than fly back and one or two weeks go back to Europe. I'll definitely tell them no again, and for the same reasons I told them before.

I mean it's nice that they want to spend time with us but it's a bit much where it seems like they are not letting us be. I can't tell you how many times I was supposed to hang out with my fiance and he tags his mom along or we end up doing something with his family. I've had talks with my fiance and he puts his foot down but they keep at it. I spend more time with his parents than my own and I live with mine.