Fiance's Involvement

Not being involved in every detail is perfectly normal. My FH does not care about flowers or linens, but is excited to actually be married. I had to remind FH about the guest list and address a bunch of times, but he pulled through with time to spare. Your FH's lack of involvement is not a reflection on how much he cares about you. If you explain how important certain things are to you (esp. the passport), he may be receptive.

And yikes, not sure why @Joe is getting bashed? I thought he gave useful advice. The 3 posts complaining that he is long winded ended up being longer than his one post.

I wouldn't stress about it. I try to be chill and just ask for things at random times. For example - when he was at work the other day I texted him and said, "OH - can you get Carol's address while you are there?" I got it back within the hour. One address at a time isn't as overwhelming as an entire list and I'm still getting what I want.

My finance told me from the beginning that he wanted nothing to do with the planning. Guess what - he has had nothing to do with the planning. No conversations, no prodding. I don't get why people make such a fuss about the level of effort FHs put into planning, like it is some reflection on the commitment to the marriage. No offense, it just reads juvenile.

Definitely depends on the man. I like @Joe's advice, my FH likes the WW checklist too. He's never gone on WW, but he's seen me use it so sometimes he'll ask "what does the WW checklist say to do this month?"

My FH hasn't asked all his GM either yet! We've seen my little brother a bunch of times but he still hasn't asked. I've done most of the planning but have picked a couple things FH cares more about or would be better at to assign to him. I haven't set any deadlines, he's in a busy period at work this month, but as it gets closer I might have to do that. When we talked about it the other day he actually said "I could get all those things done tomorrow if I had to". Gahhh!

I think you could discuss it and just ask if there's any parts he wants to be more involved in. I agree about asking his family for the addresses, FFIL just sent us their holiday card list when we asked.

I think that sounds pretty good lol. I did -- everything! The blast fb status is super tacky-- he needs to message or text people individually.

Mine wasn't too involved. I would ask and he would say yeah or no. He did help with venue. He's in charge of planning the honeymoon. The only other thing was groomsmen that he asked. He just knows how much of a planner I am so he says he knows it will be nice lol. Good luck. Some times men are just not into stuff like us

I don't think it's anything wrong with expecting the man to help out with the wedding planning. It's their party too. I agree with joe about discussing up front the expectations.

My DH was about as not-involved as you can get. He didn't even see the venue till the day of! He offered only three opinions-- "We're not getting married in a church" (luckily, he told me that before I started looking at venues, so it saved me a lot of time!), and "No instrumental music of songs with words".

Not everyone will be all that excited. As long as he's excited to marry *you*, the rest is really just a party to celebrate that.

Mine was only involved with the flowers, his attire, the venue & tastings, cake, open bar... and a little of the music. We did pick the theme together, and he gave ideas for that. Simply put, I asked him what he was interested in helping plan and went from there. I never pushed nor expected anything. He helped in amazing ways and it was not that stressful at all.

Mine is as involved as I want him to be. I think he wants me to have the wedding I imagine and is willing to let me make most of the decisions. But he also is willing to be involved with anything I ask. Talk to your FH and let him know how you're feeling/ what you want.

My FH really doesn't care about any of it, he just wants me to be happy with it and have good food and bourbon. that being said, they only time i ask him to do something is if i literally can't handle it any more. i have asked him to do maybe three things and he has done them gladly and in a timely manor. other than that i just do it myself.

He gave his opinion on one or two things, and came to the cake tasting to help pick out cake flavors(there was food involved...lol), and he did help decorate and stuff when it was actually time to do that, but he didn't really have much involvement in the planning! He just kept saying, "whatever makes you happy, dear".

Thank you Joe, M and Kelly.

@Kimi I think that cold work for us

@Rachel this groomsmen situation is too much worry for me. But my FH usually surprises me and gets it together so I hope this is the case.

@Samantha maybe if I feel out his application and make an appt he'll go.

@christinekyle thanks.

@Lauren, thank you that was so helpful. And I'm glad you see I am trying..lol

@MrsA thank you, that makes me feel better

@FFW LOL. Thank you for the advice and suggestions :-)

@Tori thank you.

@futuremrs.botag-huffman thank you so much, great advice

@Lizzy @kristina thanks

@Susan thanks

@originalkd I'm not taking offense to what you said. however, my reason is because this is my 1st wedding. I guess we all have different expectations into planning something so big. I have done a lot on my own, but being the person I am, I guess I'm expecting more for him. Not necessarily doing more, but sounding a little interested. I was kind of blown when I said I ordered the STD's because he wasn't as excited as me. But, I know I do that with him when he says he put a game on old. When it comes to our daughters parties or his I don't really care as much for his involvement. But this is a different party, this is one for us. I understand you're opinion and I'm not mad at him. I just might be over excited about the whole thing and being a big baby.

@annakay I thought so too. Not everyone is going to see it. It invites unwanted guests. And some people may see it but not take time to respond.

@moco2016 thank you.

@zoe thank you!

If I didn't thank you personally for your input. Thank you so much. I read everyone's response and I feel better and at ease. I also, no some ways to tackle things so the process can be faster and smoother.

None of us are party planners (for the most part) , but for some reason the bulk of the planning almost always falls on the bride. Honestly it's not fair. I'm sure at some point during this process you and your FH discussed what type of wedding was going to be held and everyone agreed on the terms. Well adult up and do your part. I'm in a similar situation and the plans are pretty much separated the same as yours and it's beyond frustrating!

Honestly, just talk to him and ask him if he wants to help/ if he has any ideas, it might be that he doesn't know how to incorporate the ideas he has, that was my FH's problem. He had a lot of ideas but didn't know how they could fit, so he would just sit and brood on things instead of voicing them. I took it as disinterest until I talked to him about it and he explained that he just couldn't see how his ideas could be incorporated so he was keeping them to himself. He had some great ideas that we are now incorporating and he is still coming up with great ideas and voicing them.

Thank you Sue and Ekab. I will talk to him.

Since this popped up again, I'm going to share my story. DH wanted to have a wedding (I wanted a courthouse ceremony) but did not want to help with anything. He got irritated if I asked for his input on anything. I ended up turning to some friends and family to bounce ideas off of and only talking to him about things that I absolutely needed him for, like addresses. Since 99.99% of his family lives in another country, his guests were mostly friends. I ended up sitting with him one night while he called/texted his list for addresses. The good news is since he was so lax on his collection of addresses, I didn't have to worry about all the people he wanted to B-list (don't get me started). I even wrote down his vows for him. I really wanted to us to write our own vows, but he hates putting pen to paper, so I asked him to tell me what he would say, and then I typed up and printed his vows for him. After the wedding, he actually said "Let's have another wedding. That was fun." I thought about murdering him, but instead I told him we could have other parties but no more weddings. I also want to echo what others said about this is not a reflection on how much he cares about you. I knew DH cared about me because he wanted to invite every person he had ever said hello to to our wedding. He was excited to tell people we were getting married but planning anything is not his forte.