Fiance' wants to invite one of his exes

Not silly at all. I"d feel the same way, and you're nicer than me, because there is ZERO chance i'd go for that

If you’re concerned that your FH is going to reminisce with his ex about their past, I would be more focused on how healthy your relationship is and how much you trust him as opposed to who is invited to your wedding. Assuming you’ve known all along that they were good friends, this shouldn’t be a surprise to you. Do they talk and hang out regularly? If so, I don’t see why having her at the wedding is any different than other social gatherings.

That would be a hard no to me. If it was someone he dated in the past but remained friends and still saw each other, and you know and are also friendly with, that would be different. I would find it insulting to even ask me to have his ex stay with me on our wedding. It's not even about jealousy or anything like that. It's simply disrespectful.

Your feelings of uncertainty are valid but not the jealousy, at the end of the day you should trust the man you are marrying. She's his past and you are his future take comfort in that. He can be friends with his ex and it not take anything from you. And it sounds like she hasn't given you reason to not like her, except for the fact that she's his ex. Which isnt reason enough. This is an opportunity for your confidence in your relationship to shine. Dont allow your "feelings" to override the foundation of your relationship...TRUST.

View Quoted Comment She lives far away, so they have not seen each other in years. They talk occasionally.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. 🙏

Yikes! This is a tough one for sure, personally I don't think id be ok with it if I never met the ex during the relationship with my FH and the wedding would be the first time. How long has it been since they dated? 10 years or more then i need to get over it and not think to much into it but anything less i would be in your same boat. I understand she was there for him during his struggles but they still had an intimate relationship that ended. I would say talk to hubby again and a just let him know your honest feelings because the wedding is soon if its this month. She has a bf and your hubby has clearly moved on to you hence the wedding. It may be a weird situation but just voice that to him and see if it helps. Good luck

View Quoted Comment Its been maybe 5 years, maybe a little more. I think what bothers me most is that this is the first time I'm meeting her. If I had met her before and got to know her, I wouldn't feel so uneasy. Its just more stress on top of the common wedding stress.

Our ex spouses are both invited to our wedding. I hope they both come. It’s been 4 years since my divorce and 5 since his divorce

You're not silly at all. It's such a valid feeling for you to feel uncomfortable by it

You’re not silly for your feelings but I would say your feelings are a cause for concern. I would assess my relationship with my FH if you think that any form of reminiscing would take place and replace the excitement and joy of your wedding. If she meets your plus 1 requirement (dating an invited guest) I would suggest inviting her. However, if she was coming alone that’d be questionable. Additionally, you don’t have to have her at the Airbnb. I do admit that that’s a little too much given their history. The wedding would be more than enough time for everyone to mingle and enjoy each other’s company. It’s hard not to be jealous but you’re marrying him and unless he’s given an indication to consider otherwise, you should feel secure in that marriage. I wish you the best.

I've never really understood the concern about exes. This is a person he once dated, and he decided he preferred you. It would seem to me that a person he'd never had the opportunity to date would be a much bigger threat. But if you excluded all the women he never dated, you'd have a very small wedding indeed. I wouldn't worry about it.

I understand you feeling this way, and if it is really bothering you, you need to tell FH. You not feeling comfortable with the should be reason enough. I do think the odds of them reminiscing during the night are unlikely. You two will be so busy throughout the evening, you’ll barely have time to talk in detail with anyone. If he doesn’t have an active friendship with her, I also don’t see the point. So what if he was there for her way back when? You are there now and he needs to respect your feelings. I have an ex that I am friends with, who also lives far away, but FH and I agreed our wedding is no place to have any exes. Even with no romantic feelings involved, it’s just awkward. I agree this is not the time and place to meet this person. And def no to the same air bnb!!

If you all hang out together all the time and she is part of a circle of friends, then I dont see how the wedding would be any different. Now if she hasn't been around and she is just coming to the wedding...a little weird.

I could jive with her coming to the wedding, but having her stay at the same place as you and your fh the night before would be too much for me. If it were me, I would tell my fh she can come to the wedding but having her sleep in the same house is too much for me and I’m stressed enough with the wedding and maybe just not in the right head space but please do not add to my stress the night before. There is no need for this woman to sleep in the same house as you and you fh, even if you have other friends there.

I think that no matter what everyone’s opinion on the matter is, the bottom line is that you feel so uncomfortable and this is your wedding day. I feel like a situation like this that causes you so much unnecessary stress leading up to/at the wedding should be eliminated. This is supposed to be the happiest weekend of your life and you should only have to focus on marrying the love of your life, not on meeting his ex, her staying with you, and her being at your wedding. It’s just straight up a weird situation and I think that your FH would care for your feelings and understand if you communicated your feelings about it and talked everything out.

T otally different, but this reminds me of when my FH and I were deciding on whether to still invite a close friend who we had a big falling out with. I imagined myself looking out into the crowd and seeing him in the audience on my wedding day and that was such an awful picture. We decided not to invite anyone who would make either one of us feel that way on such a special day. You don’t want any negative feelings to be the ones that you remember when reminiscing in the future.

If he hasn’t seen her in a long time and you’ve never met her, then is there really a need for her to be at the wedding? I would explain to him that this day is about the two of you and those who have been there to support your relationship and who will be there in the future. It’s not a reunion of family and friends like most people think. If she’s not a constant part of your lives, she has no place there. And if you’ve expressed to him how uncomfortable it makes you feel, then he should respect your feelings. You’re about to be his wife, Your feelings come first.

I have to agree with other posters saying your uncertainty is understandable but the jealousy is an issue. They are exes for a reason and he is marrying you. A woman I dated was at our wedding and was even asked to join us early in the day so we could all spend time together and she helped me get ready. My wife and I talk a lot about it being normal to have a knee-jerk reaction but that there is no jealousy between us because we trust each other. If you can't trust him, you have a lot more to focus on than his ex being in a public venue with your husband.

No. Just no. My question is why is he so adamant on her coming? I could more so understand if they were closer or ran in the same crowd and would create tension if she weren't invited but it sounds like he wants her there to "catch up". Why? He has no obligation to do that and frankly shouldn't have the time to say more than a couple sentences to her. Your wedding shouldn't be about him pleasing her. It should be about the two of you. I think you guys need to have a serious conversation about why this is so important to him...

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THIS. Also, I would definitely put my foot down on her and her bf staying with you guys. If she causes you this much stress, I would not want to share living quarters with her on the most important weekend of your relationship so far!