Fiance not interested or excited in plans/honeymoon

I would definitely recommend doing couples therapy. Me and my fiancé have been doing couples therapy for a year now and it’s been so helpful in our relationship. Communication is really important and you are a team. You want to grow together with your partner. It sounds like your partner could also be more introverted.

Is he like this in other areas of your relationship? To me, the fact that you spent time planning a vacation for the two of you and he was “unimpressed” is a red flag. At the very least, there should be appreciation for when your partner does something they thought would be nice, even if it’s not your thing. Also, there’s not wanting to be involved, and then there’s straight up ignoring you and picking up his phone. That is rude and disrespectful. How is he during other disagreements and arguments? Because to be honest, based on everything you wrote here, this guys sounds a bit sexist and a bit like a jerk. I’m sure there are a lot of good qualities that you haven’t shared, but based on what you did. For myself and my friends, husbands were interested to varying degrees, but they definitely did not just shut down the conversation.

No. Sorry, I don't know the whole story and I am sure he has some good qualities that you didn't share, but seriously? Just say no. This is going to be a one=sided relationship. Been there, done that, not happening again girl. New hubster, though not the actual planner, is very involved with all of our trips. Sometimes he'll say "surprise me" or "whatever you would like", but he always listens and looks at pictures and will sit down with me when I ask for help deciding. And being "unimpressed" with a vacation? What did he want - alone time with his phone? Again, I hate hate hate being a nay=sayer, but this just does NOT sound like a good base for a relationship. It is a PARTNERSHIP with both people sharing and communicating.

Best of luck to you, and I hope you check back in with us to update.

P.S. if nothing else, take Holly's advice and try couples counseling.

This my my advice: It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation and sit down with him. I would use a lot of “I feel statements” and share everything and express how you have been feeling. I would explain to your fiancé that if you both want this marriage to work you need to be able to have these important conversations about your future. In order to make your marriage thrive, he needs to view your marriage as a team, and if you ever feel like he’s not contributing or acting as a team, you might want to consider to pause your engagement and wedding planning to explore couples therapy. You should explain to him that If you both can’t do that, I'm unsure if your relationship can succeed. Trust your intuition and follow your heart. Best of luck! 💛

Lots of red flags. It sounds like you're disappointed that he isn't acting interested/excited but also state that he isn't in any aspect of his life. Personally, I would not be okay with being with a person like this. It sounds depressing and exhausting. If you are okay with this personality type then you have to actually accept the consequences that come with it: no/minimal vacations, lack of interest in most things, not wanting to socialize, will not help with planning, will be judgmental of your interests. From what you've shared it sounds like your friend is on to something.

How long have you been together? How is this just becoming an issue now? Does it really matter if this is “normal” or not? For the record it is certainly not typical at all.


The real issue is whether you are compatible and from what you say, that is doubtful. If he’s like this, for whatever his reasons, even before you’re married I can assure you this will not just be an issue with the honeymoon. People generally don’t change unless they are highly motivated and even then. What you see is what you’ll get and usually then some, for better or worse.
I’d put all wedding plans on hold in your place for now and seek individual, not couples counseling.

Sounds like he got what he was looking for in a romantic partner (again): a woman who does everything for him. Trust your instincts, you did repeat the cycle.

I am sorry you are in this predicament, I would get out now. This is not a person I would want to do life with. I would be bitter and hurt and feel unappreciated. He is not going to change. If he is like this now, this will be the best it ever is. Are you willing to live with this forever?

To answer your question, no, I don't think it's normal. I see some red flags. I'm not sure you're on the same page. I would have a really honest conversation about expectations.

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It's two different men lol

View Quoted Comment Yes, Dear, I know. You asked yourself if you're taking the masculine lead in this relationship like with your Ex, and the answer is yes. You attracted another man who is a Beta to your Alpha, and he's also a lackluster, gaslighting sexist. Another possibility is he grew up anxious about money and he is unwilling to discuss it and share it. Impoverished in love so to speak. I second all the above posters and suggest finding someone excited about life and excited about you.

Did he actually take the initiative to propose to you? Some people may like a laid-back lifestyle but it sounds like he is more laid-back that you would like.