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Beginner September 2021

Fiancé hasn’t told anyone about our engagement

Ashley, on August 14, 2018 at 10:35 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 27
So here’s alittle background: My fiancé & I were dating for 4.5 years when he proposed to me. We don’t argue a lot, but I will say that a month before he proposed I told him he should move back home to get his life in order (finances, etc.) We we’re living together for a year & our lease was up so I thought him moving back home would give him that push to grow more as a man & I would move into our apartment alone. Well I decided to take back what I said & have him move in with me. A month ago he proposed. I was pretty excited about the engagement seeing he took my feelings & wanted to take the next step. The excitement is starting to fade... I notice it’s been a month & almost no one knows about our engagement. I expressed that I wanted us to tell our parents before we shared it on social media. I told my mother & he STILL has yet to tell anyone. To be respectful to his parents I didn’t want to post/share with a lot of people. Some of my friends know & some of my close family members. I just feel as though it is unfair for me to have to bottle in my excitement & keep our engagement a secret. I have asked him if he has told his parents & he tells me no. He hasn’t told one person. Not even a friend. He isn’t very close with his family, but I know his mother loves him very much. Him & his father aren’t close, but I just feel as though that is your BLOOD! Wouldn’t you want them to know? I need advice because I am completely torn, crushed, confused... HELP!!

27 Comments

Latest activity by Leanna, on June 24, 2021 at 9:17 AM
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    I'd have serious concern about this and your relationship. Why hasn't he told anyone?
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  • Krista
    Devoted June 2018
    Krista ·
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    I agree. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I Hope you can have a good talk and Figure It Out Has he worked on his finances at all?
    • Reply
  • Haaley
    Expert December 2019
    Haaley ·
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    Perhaps he hasnt gotten his act together as much as you thought Smiley sad
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  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
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    That would make me feel like such crap. My FH is VERY private but this is one thing he literally told everyone in our lives about. I would take this as a red flag.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Does he have any issues with his family, or a reason why he may not want to tell them? I think the most concerning thing is that he hasn't told ANYONE, whether it be family or even a friend. Have you tried expressing your concerns to him?

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  • A
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    He’s applied to many jobs & has had many interviews, but he is still at his current job. It isn’t enough to support our future & I’m mainly concerned about him paying his bills.
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  • A
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    Exactly!!!!
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  • A
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I totally do! I feel like such crap. I’ve waited for this moment my whole life & I know nothing is ever how you picture it to be but I thought it would be different than this. I’ve invested so much time into this relationship!
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  • A
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    He doesn’t really hear from his family much. I feel like I’m in the middle.... His mom will ask me how he is because she never hears from him. She states he doesn’t answer phone calls or texts. Then I have him saying that she never replies to phone calls or text messages from him. He says he hasn’t went over his families house to tell them. I just feel as though that is something that you MAKE time for. I feel as though that is a crappy excuse. I work full time & my mom works full time & has a part time job & we still found time!
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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    I'm really sorry to hear this. I am going to be completely honest here and say that is a serious red flag. Personally speaking, I think you need to sit him down and have a calm constructive conversation about this. People don't hide things for no reason at all and you deserve to know why. My fiancé is the type that keeps a lot of personal things personal, but when we got engaged he couldn't contain his excitement and called his parents, my mother, and both my grandmothers on speaker phone only about 20 minutes after the proposal. The secrecy really rubs me the wrong way, especially with his family.

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  • S
    Dedicated October 2018
    SoonToBeMrs. ·
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    Why is he so scared to announce y'alls engagement? Seems like a red flag to me...
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  • S
    Super August 2019
    Saydee ·
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    I may be in the minority here, but I don't think it's that. Men think differently in terms of engagements and weddings. My fiance and I were engaged for months before we told anyone on his side, including his mother and grandmother who we are very close with and spoke to every day. It wasn't because he was ashamed, but because he hasn't gotten my ring yet. It didn't matter to me, I had already told my family and a few select friends (they aren't in the same circles), but literally no one on his side knew. He explained to me that almost all the women in his side were married, and the first thing they would do is ask to see my ring and want to gush over it. He was saving up for the ring and a legal issue (custody) came up, so we took care of the most important things first.

    Sit and have a honest conversation and see where his head is at before stressing..
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    So, I’ll speak on my experience that was similar to this. When exH and I got engaged, he didn’t want to tell his parents. They both constantly ragged on him for his life decisions, they had gotten divorced and talked negatively about marriage anytime someone got engaged, and he just didn’t want to hear it. It really bothered me because it felt like he didn’t want people to know. When he finally told his mom, she told him I was going to ruin his life and that he’ll regret it. His dad said to think long and hard if I was really the girl for him because he could probably do better (physically).

    I’m not saying that this is the case for your FH, but sometimes there’s a good reason someone isn’t ready to share news like this with their parents.
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  • Krista
    Devoted June 2018
    Krista ·
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    I asked because getting engaged is usually expensive and then planning a wedding is too. I don't know all the details but I was thinking maybe that had Something to do with him Not tell anyone yet? I don't think it's okay, he should want to tell everything no matter what. But it's something to consider Esp if his parents have also been pushing him to get a better job. But I'm glad, for you, that he is looking!
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  • B
    Super May 2019
    B11 ·
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    I absolutely agree. After we got engaged we called my parents then his parents, and then saw them all the next day. If he didn’t want to tell his parents, that would have been very odd and a big red flag.
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  • Tiff Rusnak
    Expert June 2018
    Tiff Rusnak ·
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    I had this issue. We were together for 4.5 years when he proposed. There was no fanfare. At the time he felt pressured from my family to do it and agrees now that he should have waited. A year later, he proposed again and we chose a date and ran with it and he couldn't stop telling people. Maybe he feels that way?
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Are you sure you want to marry this person?

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  • Jessica
    Savvy October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Call her, when he's nearby. Put her on speaker. Say "Hey, we have some big news for you! Your son proposed!" See how the cookie crumbles after that. You've waited long enough.
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  • A
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    That’s okay to ask! I was thinking of having the wedding in 3 years so we could save money & give him time to get back on his feet.
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  • A
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I keep getting the run around that he doesn’t see them & he just hasn’t had time. I just don’t care about the excuses anymore. It’s getting old!!
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