Fiance hasn't even told his parents.

Megan, Yes I would be concerned about this. The red flag for me is that he may have trouble standing up for himself when it comes to his mother. If you and FMIL were to have conflict, would he be there to back you up? I'm guessing there's a lot more to this dynamic than you can communicate on a forum like this. The two of you, just like any other couple, are the only ones you can control in this situation. FMIL may be unreasonable and throw a fit, and the only thing you can do is choose how to react. My Mom had several months where she completely lost it and treated FH very unfairly. I couldn't make her get it together, but I could decide how I would react. I was firm in my boundaries with her and defended FH where it was necessary so that he understood I supported him and knew that she was wrong. The bottom line is that you need to feel like he's on your team and will support you when she does something unreasonable.

@Panda Bear- perfectly said

Is he happy planning the wedding? do you have a date and have you told other family together? if he's not setting a date, talking about plans and hasn't told anyone, then that is a huge red flag. However, he may just not be someone to want to cause issues and you'll be dealing with that forever If you get married. No one is perfect, so you need to decide if you can live with stuff like this forever.

You might want to try relationship counseling, I've been going and it's so helpful to get a neutral opinion on things, everything really.

I didn't want to tell my mom when FH proposed because she's not his biggest fan and I didn't feel like hearing the negativity that I knew would (and did) come out of her mouth. But I did it because I'm an adult and I can't hide from her like I'm a child who spilled red juice all over the white carpet. Again, she was negative like I expected but FH and I are still engaged. She had no choice but to respect my adult decision.

He needs to bite the bullet and tell his family...sooner rather than later.

For me this would be a red flag. FH should really tell his parents no matter how they feel about it

She will be more upset if she hears it from someone else.

Hmm. I think the person who asked if you have set a date or started booking vendors hit the nail on the head. But, we didn't have a date until a couple months after getting engaged so...I really wouldn't start panicking yet.

Honestly, if my FH was afraid/didn't want to tell his parents that we were engaged, I would probably decline the proposal. This is a big red flag. Your FH should stick up for your relationship and tell his family even if they won't like it. If he can't do that, my suggestion would be to reconsider the marriage.

Find out his plan for telling them. It's certainly better to do it soon. He can't hide being married forever. If he is afraid to tell them or doesn't want to, you two should seek counseling.

We didn't tell out families for almost two or three months. But we agreed and had a game plan. You need to have a conversation about why and when.

My FH sent her a picture of the ring the day he picked it out. She said some foul shit about me, but that's just her. She's a pretty shitty human being. We don't give a fuck if she comes or not.

I read your story and kind of had flashbacks. The night we got engaged, after we had settled down and were ready to start the calls I exhaled and said to him "I guess I'm gonna get the call I'm dreading the most over with first because I just want to be able to be excited when we call everyone else." Yea..the call I was dreading the most was to my mom. Sad but true.

I'm incredibly close with both of my parents and they are well loved by everyone who knows them. But my mom hated G for NO apparent reason. No matter how many times I talked to her to try and get to the root of it, how many other times other people tried to reason with her, she just wouldn't give him a chance. It broke my heart but I had finally come to terms that it just wouldn't ever happen and had finally accepted it.

Fast forward to today. I try not to question the how or why but somehow her heart just changed. Maybe it was knowing that he was committing, maybe she likes sparkly objects like her daughter...but she finally just started getting to know G and what an amazing guy he is. And now the two of them are like two peas in a pod. Total 180...he will still look at me sometimes and shake his head in wonder at the total difference

I tell you this because things can change with your FI and FMIL. Have hope and tell him to put his big boy pants on and TELL HER. This is an exciting time and you deserve to celebrate...all of you. Best of luck!!!