Amanda
Beginner November 2021

Fiancé has 'no friends' to be groomsmen.

Amanda, on December 10, 2020 at 6:17 PM

Posted in Planning 30

My fiancé is an avid gamer, thus all his 'friends' are online and these 'friends' live all over the country, some even out of the country. These people aren't close close, like.. no way he wants them at the wedding or anything, but with that said, he claims to have 'no friends' to be his groomsmen....

My fiancé is an avid gamer, thus all his 'friends' are online and these 'friends' live all over the country, some even out of the country. These people aren't close close, like.. no way he wants them at the wedding or anything, but with that said, he claims to have 'no friends' to be his groomsmen.

If my fiancé had the choice, he'd stay inside all day with his gamer buddies and have 0 contact with the outside world. Some of ya'll might wonder why I'd want to spend my life with someone who has no interest in interacting with people, well, I'm a gamer too and it's not something out of the ordinary for me as I can also stay inside for long periods of time and not exist to anyone outside of our house (lol) - but I can also mingle and go out, have fun, be with friends and family, etc. It's not a deal break for me. ANYWAY.

I have 2 older brothers and 1 younger brother, my fiancé gets along with them pretty well, but he doesn't know them like that. His sister mentioned that her now fiancé would be willing to be a groomsman and this is someone who has known him for as long as he's been dating his sister. Is it wrong for me to ask my siblings and my fiancé's future brother-in-law to participate in the wedding as his groomsmen when he should be the one to pick them? When we first started planning, he mentioned not having anyone at all, but after discussing the possibilities of having his future brother-in-laws as his groomsmen, he doesn't really 'care' if that happens either.

Why do (most) men have to not care about stuff!

30 Comments

  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I agree with this! No neex to have groomsmen if he doesn't care
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated October 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    His sister could be a groomswoman.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    I think he needs to get out of his screen world and make at least one friend.
    But if he truly does not care if he wants them, why have groomsmen at all?
    Ask 2-3 of your guys to be ushers, so people get properly seated. They can wear regular suits and sit with their family during the ceremony. And if there are any odd duties like bringing the car around they can do it. And you have your ladies, as a couple you have ushers and he stands alone unless he changes his mind. That is fine.
    • Reply
  • Gloria
    Dedicated September 2023
    Gloria ·
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    I like the idea of him asking his sister to stand up with him.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari Online ·
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    There is no requirement that your fiance has groomsmen at all, and yes it would be wrong of you to pick groomsmen for him. If your fiance wants to have some guys stand by his side there is no issue with suggesting your brothers and brother-in-law to stand in, but ultimately it needs to be his decision and if he decides he wants them to be his groomsmen then he needs to be the one to ask them.

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  • L
    Dedicated September 2021
    Lw ·
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    I think you shouldn’t choose his groomsmen. If you’re worried about it looking off, have bridesmaids sit down so they all aren’t standing on your side. Or skip the wedding party altogether.
    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Honestly, that would be kind of a red flag for me. He has no interest in such a personal aspect of his own wedding? Has he helped you plan this at all? Are you the one that wanted this wedding, when he would have gone to the courthouse? I only ask because if he's not interested in his own wedding, you shouldn't be putting so much effort into what should be his preferences. Let it go, but tell him you're doing that. You're leaving it up to him, and he knows about the options he has, and so he'll either reach out to these guys, or he won't. If he doesn't, he won't have any groomsmen. And there's nothing at all wrong with that. You don't want to force something that doesn't exist. The wedding party is supposed to be the closest people in your lives, the ones you can't imagine getting married without. If you or he don't have people in your lives who fit that bill, then you just don't have a wedding party. It's becoming more and more common, actually. Read other comments on the subject. It's not a requirement for a wedding.

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  • B
    Dedicated April 2021
    Bridget ·
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    My fiance has no family except his brother who is his best man. His 2 friends have recently passed away so he has no friends to be groomsman. Our 2 sons age 17 and 14 will be his groomsmen along with my 25 yr old nephew. Being that your fiance is not the social type he might just not want to ask your family to be groomsmen. I would ask him if he wants them to be and if he says he doesnt care ask him if he wants your help asking them.
    • Reply
  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
    • Flag
    I would let him decide about the groomsmen. My husband didn’t have any groomsmen in our wedding. I had 6 bridesmaids though and it worked out just fine. If he’s really not into it I wouldn’t worry so much about groomsmen. If it’s bothering you that he doesn’t care one way or the other then ya’ll definitely need to have a conversation.
    • Reply
  • Ari
    Beginner September 2022
    Ari ·
    • Flag
    That’s the same for me too. I have tons of friends I could ask, however, he doesn’t. He has 2 brothers and a brother in law. The one brother, they’re 6 months apart so they were raised like twins and his other brother he’s not as close to. We decided that I’ll have my bestie as my MOH and the brother he’s close to will be BM. We’ll have the nieces and nephews and that’s it. Less drama having to deal with multiple personalities when you have just two people up there. If he’s doesn’t want anyone don’t force it.
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