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Amanda
Beginner November 2021

Fiancé has 'no friends' to be groomsmen.

Amanda, on December 10, 2020 at 6:17 PM Posted in Planning 0 30
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My fiancé is an avid gamer, thus all his 'friends' are online and these 'friends' live all over the country, some even out of the country. These people aren't close close, like.. no way he wants them at the wedding or anything, but with that said, he claims to have 'no friends' to be his groomsmen.

If my fiancé had the choice, he'd stay inside all day with his gamer buddies and have 0 contact with the outside world. Some of ya'll might wonder why I'd want to spend my life with someone who has no interest in interacting with people, well, I'm a gamer too and it's not something out of the ordinary for me as I can also stay inside for long periods of time and not exist to anyone outside of our house (lol) - but I can also mingle and go out, have fun, be with friends and family, etc. It's not a deal break for me. ANYWAY.

I have 2 older brothers and 1 younger brother, my fiancé gets along with them pretty well, but he doesn't know them like that. His sister mentioned that her now fiancé would be willing to be a groomsman and this is someone who has known him for as long as he's been dating his sister. Is it wrong for me to ask my siblings and my fiancé's future brother-in-law to participate in the wedding as his groomsmen when he should be the one to pick them? When we first started planning, he mentioned not having anyone at all, but after discussing the possibilities of having his future brother-in-laws as his groomsmen, he doesn't really 'care' if that happens either.

Why do (most) men have to not care about stuff!

30 Comments

Latest activity by Ari, on December 13, 2020 at 10:45 AM
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
    • Flag

    It is not up to you to decide his groomsmen. If he doesn't want to have any groomsmen that's 100% is choice, You can still have bridesmaids if he doesn't have groomsmen, but don't force him to have someone on his side that he doesn't want.

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  • Amanda
    Beginner November 2021
    Amanda ·
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    It's not that he doesn't want to, he just doesn't care. He's too wrapped up in his gaming to care, honestly. Should there be no groomsmen based on a 'doesn't matter to me/whatever you want' mentality?

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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    He should be the one to choose them. I'm kind of in a similar situation because I really only have 1 friend close enough to ask but I have family as well. Does he have any male family members that he's close with? I would never choose the groomsmen if I were you and it's completely acceptable for him to have less groomsmen than you have bridesmaids.
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
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    I would turn off his gaming and tell him you need to have a serious conversation with him. He needs to actively participate in this wedding. It isn't up to you to plan on your own.

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  • Amanda
    Beginner November 2021
    Amanda ·
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    He just has a younger sister, lol. Okay then! Guess it's gonna be all bridesmaids!

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I would have him ask them to be his groomsmen, it would be a littler weird coming from you as if he doesn't care at all. & if he in fact doesn't care then simply have no groomsmen! It's nothing wrong with that
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    He should to virtual! Set up a TV behind him! That would be so awesome.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    "Is it wrong for me to ask my siblings and my fiancé's future brother-in-law to participate in the wedding as his groomsmen when he should be the one to pick them?"

    Yep, it would be wrong. If he wants groomsmen, he should be the one to choose and then ask them. He is insisting he doesn't care and you should accept his word. In this instance, doesn't care = doesn't want groomsmen. Also, why on earth would these people he's not close to even want to be groomsman that aren't wanted?

    The good news for you is that this doesn't affect you at all. Continue to plan for your attendants and leave it at that.

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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    Kristina ·
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    Hey, I've seen some women have bridesmen lol No uncles or anything like that? My bridal party will be my best friend, her daughter and my mom with my brother walking me down since our dad passed. It's all about who is important to you. The people in your family/his sister's fiance can be used if he wants. You could even split up your bridesmaids so 1/2 stand with him and 1/2 with you to show combining your lives Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Beginner November 2021
    Amanda ·
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    I was originally planning to just have my bridesmaids split up and have them on each side, but was curious about the groomsmen thing (only because he doesn't care what happens, as long as he gets to marry me!) Seems like the bride's sibling groomsmen is out of the question since it he technically wouldn't be the one picking them.

    All his other relatives live out of the country, and I don't think he's very close with them either. Fiancé's a loner basically. Lol. It's makes it more difficult because he's not very social with his own blood, so it's kind of hard. Majority of the guest list is 99.8% mine, he has no one that he wants to invite other than his parents and sister + her fiancé.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    It's not your choice who he picks to stand with him. If he wants to ask someone, that's up to him. As long as you have 1-2 legal witnesses as required by your state to sign paperwork, that's all you need to worry about.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    Continuation of what I was saying... if he claims to have no friends, then does he really care who is standing behind him? At the end of the day all that matters is that he’s marrying you. But it would look a bit weird if you have people standing behind you and he has no one. Seeing as how he’s an avid gamer who spends more time with his online gamer friends, I think it would be kind of cool and also kind of unique to see his gamer friends virtually behind him on a tv. Just an idea that I’m guessing you’re probably gonna hate LOL but figured I’d throw it out there just in case
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Is it necessary that he has groomsmen? Personally, I wouldn’t just add people simply as placeholders.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Beginner November 2021
    Amanda ·
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    Not necessary, just a thought.

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  • Amanda
    Beginner November 2021
    Amanda ·
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    His friends are trolly! We play League of Legends together all the time, but they're more his friends than mine. I suggested he invite them and he was like 'hell no!' haha. Having them there even virtually, other than maybe viewing in, is probably out of the question.

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Lol!! Got it. Then maybe the fill-in people are a good idea. Gathering from the little info that I know from your post, it doesn’t seem like it really bothers him a whole lot, sometimes that part is all for show anyway. Half the time you read some of these brides on here that can’t stand their bridesmaids etc. At the end of the day all that matters is that you guys love each other and are getting married! And congrats!🎉🍾
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    Kristina ·
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    You can still do it that way but I would want him to be on board with it. Tradition says each side chooses their people but if he agrees to it then I don't see an issue. To me it would only be an issue if you just choose everyone without his input.
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  • Amanda
    Beginner November 2021
    Amanda ·
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    It really doesn't bother him at all, which is why I wanted to ask if it'd be wrong in a sense to have [my] family standing on his side as groomsmen. He thinks my family is awesome and he loves them, but he's just not the social type..

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Then it’s perfect. It’s now his family too! Good luck bride!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Agree with the others- he needs to take a more active role in your wedding.
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