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Just Said Yes July 2019

Fiance Family is Getting in the way of my relationship

Ashley, on March 25, 2019 at 11:39 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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I'm in wedding planning. Two close relatives just passed away in my family. The day after, I went to my fiance's cousin's baby shower.

Two people have been getting to me. My fiance's brother's girlfriend is rude and has been in the past. She spent two hours taking modelling pictures for her Instagram, talked about new clothes she wanted to buy, flat out ignored me when she knew I was going through a lot. And even more - my fiance's brother chases after her trying to make sure she's always happy and could not say a simple "how are you doing?". And NO one ever sees a problem with this treatment. I just sit quietly in the corner. I'm 29 and she's 22, so people use the excuse that she's immature, but she's said insulting comments to my face (saying my sister is not allowed to come to my wedding events), tried to take away attention during my wedding time, etc.

The second person. -- my fiance's cousin who attended the baby shower. She is on and off rude and ignores me, so my fiance chose to confront her yesterday. She flat out denied she was being mean to me at first, but then overtime started screaming saying are you really happy with your fiance? (Me). It seems like she makes you unhappy and your parents unhappy, and also made comments about my family - calling mother awkward, saying she thinks I have a bad personality, etc.. and she is 35 with two kids.

I've had enough. And I've been through a lot this year so I find it very frustrating to deal with additional drama when I know for a fact I've done absolutely nothing to either of them. Both these girls walk around innocent like they're not mean but they are. And no one else sees it but me. I can't deal with it anymore and I'm wondering if I should even get married because they've made sure to make sure to get in between my relationship with my fiance, his parents etc. I feel super alone.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Clíodhna, on April 19, 2019 at 10:37 AM

Master September 2019
Mrs. H · on March 25, 2019 at 11:46 AM
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It sounds to me like FS is the problem in this situation, for not standing in your corner or coming to your defense. Talk to him about how you're feeling - let him know how seriously this is affecting you, and then see if he stands up for you next time you're around them
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on March 25, 2019 at 11:47 AM
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What does your FH think about their behavior?

I have difficult future in-laws too and it sucks to accept but... they’re your family too (or at least they will be soon). Even though some of his relatives are really not the nicest people, my FH is always much happier when everyone is on good terms. I find it best to get along, be polite, but keep my distance.
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VIP May 2019
Soon2Bmrsp · on March 25, 2019 at 11:47 AM
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Sounds like you need to take a step back and remember that you are marrying your best friend. Unfortunately the family is a part of him so you will have to learn how to deal with them as they are a part of him. I have some issues with my FHs family,as well. I dont go to all the family functions and when I do, every time I try to go with a positive mindset and remember that I have my own family with no issues and my own friends with no issues and that i'm marrying my best friend and we definitely have no issues. Keep your eyes on the prize, keep the lines of communication open with your fiance and it sounds like he has your back. I wouldnt worry about these two.
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Super May 2019
Kiki · on March 25, 2019 at 12:27 PM
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Honestly all you can really do is kill these people with kindness. Be the bigger person as hard as it is. Talk to FH about how you're feeling without being confrontational, the more you put them down in front of FH the more he'll want to take his families side instead of yours.
When you marry a man you marry his family, so don't forget that when making your decision.
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Master May 2020
Tara · on March 25, 2019 at 1:20 PM
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I recommend you be cordial with them, a simple “hello” and “goodbye” or “take care” and a smile will suffice. It would say more about them than you when you greet them and they ignore you. I’m not a fan of my partner’s brother and His gf was quite rude to me. She never showed an interest in his child, while I was always buying clothes from Kohl’s for his child and always putting the child on my memberships for family museums and attractions, that way the kid was getting in with $0 admission for a full year. Still, they were mean to me, but I continued to be cordial. Three years later, he’s no longer with her and I suspect he regrets being an a**hoke to me. I still be cordial but I make it clear with my body language and my walking away and doing something else after I greet him that I’m not interested in being his friend now that he sees the light since his gf left him.
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Master May 2020
Tara · on March 25, 2019 at 1:23 PM
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Also I recommend you stop going to his family functions like his fousin’s Baby shower unless he’s insisting on it or the host is. There’s no point being there if they are going to be rude to you.
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Super June 2019
Mary · on March 25, 2019 at 4:21 PM
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I agree with this. While I do agree that they will be your new family I don't agree with talking and spending time with people just because they are your family. Family can be toxic too and I don't spend with toxic people. I don't care who they are. Hopefully it gets better.
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2030
Clíodhna · on April 19, 2019 at 10:37 AM
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Hi Ashley!
I’m sorry to read you’re having some issues with your in-laws.
Many people don’t get along with their future in-laws. You don’t have to be best friends with them, simply be polite and cordial in your interactions and keep as much of a distance you need.
Have they really gotten in the way of your relationship with your fiance? Have you spoken to your FS about this? I am a classic overthinker, so I completely understand how these interactions may have left you feeling this way, however, this could be you being super hard on yourself.
I feel you really need to speak with your FS and get everything out in the open, your concerns, how the situation has left you feel isolated, etc. If this is making you question your relationship and marriage then it might be time to seek out outside support from a counselor.
Remember, you’re marrying your FS, not his sister-in-law or cousin! Gaining his family is a part of the deal, however, they don’t have to be a deal breaker!
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