Fiance doesn't want to get married???

He seems to be doing what you want. He wants to make you happy. Maybe he doesn't care about a wedding, but he is giving you more than most get in the sense that he's thought of you. He wants to make sure you're going to stay.

Definitely talk to him about it. Is it the ceremony and public thing he doesn't want or just to be legally bound? Some people don't want to be married for different reasons. But I'd talk to him about it and what exactly he wants.

I didn't want to get married to my last three long term relationships. I was surprised how quickly I knew I wanted to marry my FH. We were engaged and planning a wedding in less than 11m of dating. Other three relationships were over 5 years each. All of my friends were surprised how I changed my tune about getting married. For me it was finding the one I wanted to take that journey with.

When I tried talking to him about it he said that he just doesn't care and he doesn't think that a piece of paper changes really anything with us (because we have already lived together most of our relationship had 2 miscarriages together and make all financial and other important decisions together). He was also very close with his dad( who is no longer with us) who never got married so I think he just saw himself as following in his footsteps. I just don't want to go through with it if its something he might regret later but I've never pushed him to do this either.

You need couples counselling, you're not on the same page in your relationship.

I agreed with those who already posted. However, I think you have to decide what you want. Is marriage important to you? Sounds like he just wants to be with you and make you happy. Unless he makes a wedding sound like a drag each time it comes up in conversation I really wouldn't worry about.

I agree with Jessie. It'd be a good idea for you guys to go see a couples counselor to figure out/discuss why exactly he doesn't want to get married, why you do, and make sure you guys are, like Jessie said, on the same page.

It sounds like he could take it or leave it but because he's so sure of himself in that regard, that he's asking you to marry him. If he didn't want to get married he wouldn't. He just wouldn't. He wouldn't have asked, wouldn't have bought yo a ring, none of it. The fact that he did even though he didn't feel obliged to means he really wants to make you happy. It also might mean that he already sees you two as being the closest a couple could be so it doesn't matter to him whether you have the title of husband/wife since he already kind of sees you that way.

This is 100% something that you will want to talk with him about, even if you choose to do so through a counselor. If he has changed his view and does want to get married, you should know! But if he doesn't, you deserve to know that, too. What is it about being married that is important to you? The legal binding and benefits? Or the whole atmosphere of being married? Before you talk with him, you'll want to figure out these answers for yourself so you can communicate it all to him.

I agree with @Tallah 100%! I myself was in a similar situation. When my FH and I first began dating 9 years ago we had no intentions of ever getting married. I had been through a horrible divorce and he explained he never saw himself being married for various reasons. But through the years we both changed our hearts and minds. Our relationship evolved and we totally, wholeheartedly want to be married to one another.

He wouldn't have brought it up or asked if he didn't want to do it. Maybe consider his culture and his role models as a child. If his parents weren't married that may have much to do with it. Seek couples counseling.

I never wanted to get married until I met my FH. Definitely talk to him but maybe he is just getting older and realized he does want marriage one day.

That "little piece of paper" changes a lot of things, not just emotionally, but legally and financially. You both have to be very sure its the right step for you. I also say counseling is in order.

Echoing what Celia picked up on, it seems like actually being married doesn't mean anything to your fiance, which is FINE. If you are both happy with not getting officially married, then I don't see a reason to. Whether or not it's mediated by a counselor, make sure you have a conversation about what both of you want and why you want that.

Exactly what Celia said. That little piece of papers can change a will. God forbid something happens and you guys separate it can affect who gets what and alimony. It can affect end of life decisions. Counseling is a must sweetheart. If you want a wedding and a marriage and he doesn't you guys are on different pages and that won't work no matter how long you guys have lived together.

I hate the "little piece of paper" rationale.

My FH is/was the same way. To him, we are already married in spirit, heart, home, shared life, etc etc. People refer to me as his wife and vice versa, but we aren't legally married. To him it was just a paper, to me, I was like..."I neeeed that paper!" I don't think it's because he doesn't want to marry you, or that you'll be forcing him.. It's probably because he thinks that nothing will change and it's just a paper. It doesnt mean he loves you less. I tell you though, FH started getting excited about the paper once we started wedding planning. He realizes now that it's more than just a paper. It's a legal document that make us each other's funeral person, it's protects me, protects him, protects kids if one of us dies etc, etc. It also makes him my military dependent. Ooo la la. I don't think you need counseling. I think maybe you just need to talk to him and try to reach out to his logical side.

What the actual fuck, Laura.

I'm not taking FHs last name and trust me he's not waiting for someone that will. How old are you? This is some real 19th century logic.

ETA: op, I don't think you guys need counseling, honestly. I think you guys just need to talk it out and make sure you're both going to be happy with the outcome. When FH and I got together 5 years ago we both agreed we were never getting married. Then about 2 years in I changed my mind, but FH hadn't really yet. I still don't think he cares either way. But he loves me and wants us both to be happy. I think your FH is kind of the same way in that sense, hell do what he's got to do to make sure he doesn't lose you and if that's marrying you then that's it.

What the actual fuck, Laura, x2. Taking my husband's last name wasn't an honor, it was a convenience; so much so that I still have it years after our divorce and his death.

There is plenty to prove that marriage doesn't necessarily prove a man love or respects a woman (or, by the way, another man). There are plenty of women (and men) here and elsewhere who have been in extremely abusive relationships within their marriage.

Marriage is not a proof; it's a partnership. And usually it doesn't include a goat. It makes many things neater, but it can also make many things messier; that's a balance only the OP and her partner can figure out.

My FH doesnt care if we get married.. He said he knows he wants to be with me and if thats what is important to me then he will do it.. There ia no doubt that he loves me he just feels we dont need a certificates that says that...We are getting married bc I want too..

Uh..."what's wrong with women?"

Guess longterm committed relationships are just casual. Whoops.

The man is willing to marry her, he may be clueless about his word choice, as she probably wanted him to say something more romantic. He also may be clueless about "the paper" and what it includes. Some guys, not all, are absolutely clueless and really do think of it as a little paper. Especially since in the age of goats, there was no paper. Their relationship is definitely not casual.