Hey Ladies,
I just wanted a place to vent/seek advice as I go through this trying time.
My now ex fiance (34) called off our (im 32) wedding/broke off our relationship about 2 weeks ago now.
Our story started a little over 2 years ago. We met on valentines day for our first date. We had a great time and hung out for hours. As we were leaving he gives me my favorite bottle of bourbon and roses. It was super sweet and I immediately fell for him. He was funny and more than charming. A month in he breaks it off with me saying he sees me more as a friend. I acknowledged and let him go and did not reach out. He ended up coming back and saying he may have made a mistake and just wants to continue hanging out to see where this goes. We began hanging out almost daily… we laughed uncontrollably together and had a great sex life. It all seemed perfect. One night we were at a friends house and I ended up getting a little too tipsy and had to hit the sack earlier than the group. This enraged him and he ended up breaking up with me AGAIN. I ignored him and just went on my way for him to then reach back out to me. I said okay lets give this one more shot… so we did. We ended up dating for over a year doing all kinds of activities together and just loving life as a couple. The one St. Patties day i caught him sexting another woman. He begged and pleaded for me to stay and that he was just stressed from his job. For some reason I accepted his appology and we moved forward and continued having a great time/relationship. He got a new job making a ton of money. I got a new job making good money.
In July of 2018 he proposed me to on my birthday trip. Everything was great. I felt like I finally found someone who wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. Then things started to turn. He started to nit pick at everything I did. If i forgot to change over the laundry right away or if i waited to fold the laundry until the next day because it was late… I was lazy and took no initiative. I was responsible for cooking dinners making sure the house was tidy… he didnt want to do it. It was solely my responsibilty since he was the “bread winner and man of the house”. He would become enraged over the tiniest things – threaten and question our marriage and then say “im sorry i love you i would never leave you”. This was a never ending circle of fights like this. In between the fights everything seemed great. We always had a great time and home life was fine. We went to Colorado in August and had a blast with our friends and even bought our plane tickets for the wedding. Then I found out he was actively flirting with some woman on linked in and becoming close to her.
Then in september we went to Costa Rica for a work trip of his. I thought everything was great on the trip but as soon as we got back he ended it. Saying he has been feeling unhappy for awhile… he has been talking to his family for months saying he was unsure and he doesnt know what to do. He only took me to costa rick so i wouldnt miss out on the experience.
I am just so upset. Why would you buy plane tickets for our wedding right before costa rica if you were so unhappy? Why put me through this emotional roller coaster? I just cant even begin to understand what I did wrong? He said he was looking for a partnership and if he didnt get this new job we would probably be together and he needs someone Type A. He claims every day that the reason the relationship failed was because of me.
And in the end… i still want to be with this guy? What is wrong with me? He plays off so charming and everyone loves him, which is why i fall so hard for him… then theres this other side of him that makes me feel so empty and unworthy. Why do i feel like i am nothing with out this guy? Like now that he called off our wedding I am the failure? Just looking for some advice here as i go through these motions.
I am still living with him actively trying to find an apartment. He continuously says he loves me, who knows what will happen in the future… then says things like “this relationship is done, it is what it is, theres nothing that can be done here”.
I am losing. my. mind.
Why am I being so dumb?
