Fiancé and I aren't religious, but our super religious families don't know that

The only way to end these situations (wedding will NOT be the last one) is to pay for your own wedding and tell them how it is, and very directly and assertively explaining to them how things are going to go.

Christine B., I hope your mother apologized for her awful manipulative behavior towards you.

I'm having a similar situation, I told my dad I wasn't very religious and he thought I was crazy lol, and my fiancé is definitely not. My dad has a friend who is a preacher so we agreed to go to church and feel it out. He won't marry us in the church unless we get baptized, so we are having an outside wedding and we will be writing the ceremony together. Not our favorite decision and my dad doesn't want us to do something we don't want to do but we like the preacher and decided to go with it. After all what I really want is to just be married to my fiancé

I'm also in a similar situation. My parents are very very religious. FH and I are agnostic. Every, and I mean every time I talk to my parents religion comes up. Whether it's "a kid in our Sunday school class wanted to know if outside weddings are real wedding" or straight up "your father doesn't think this is a real wedding and kind of a waste of time if it's outside a church". But I love them. It sucks. I politely and sometimes not so politely explain my views and disappointments. But I'm not changing their minds and they are not changing mine. So while wedding planning has not been the super happy fun mother daughter bonding I thought, I work with what I got. What I will not do is go through someone else's religious motions just to keep up appearances. Bc it would be inauthentic to myself and in my opinion kind of disrespectful to people of that religion. Also paying for my own wedding though

It's your wedding! FH and I aren't having a religious ceremony because we're simply not religious. Both sides of my family are "shove-my-opinion-down-your-throat" kinds of people, except for my mom. She just wants FH and I to have the wedding that is custom fitted to who we are (we're getting married on a beautiful, sprawling outdoor venue.) My father doesn't know anything about me because he was too busy mistreating me while I was growing up and when I told him that we're not having a religious ceremony, he asked how my mom would feel about it. Little does he know that she loves me unconditionally even though we don't share the same faith. I would tell your dad about your interest in a non-religious ceremony and hope that he understands. Explain that it's your day and he should be able to put your family's wishes to the side for you to celebrate the only time you'll hopefully get married.

Have you tried just talking to your parents about it? I understand wanting to avoid conflict, hence not involving yourself in religious activities when you are with them, but they have had to have seen signs from you. My parents are both catholic and haven't practiced/gone to church since I was a little kid. I am an atheist and made it clear (in a respectful way) that I was not having a religious ceremony and my parents were fine with it so you might be surprised with how they react. You know your family better than anyone else here so if you are truly apprehensive, just tell your Dad that you have a officiant friend that you would like to perform the ceremony instead. Then go find a secular officiant through the vendors page or on thumbtack for your big day. Good luck!

I grew up in small-town South Georgia as well. I'm curious as to where you're from?

You're an adult. Your parents are allowed their opinions, but you make the final decisions. Tell them what's happening, don't ask them.

My parents are Catholic, but bounced around between a lot of churches, both Catholic and liberal Protestant denominations, when I was growing up. My dad used faith as an outlet as his mom was sick most of my youth, and it was very important to him. As such, it pretty much broke his heart when I told him at the dinner table when I was in middle school that I didn't believe in God and wouldn't be going back to church anymore. I feel bad about it now, because it wasn't a great way to bring that up, but after the initial shock, my parents have been pretty darn cool with my atheism.

You don't need to get all up in her face yelling "GOD'S NOT REAL, MOM," but you can politely let them know that you'd like to go another way with the ceremony. There's no need to even give details at this point unless you're ready, and I assume after seeing a religion-less ceremony, your parents will get the picture quite clearly.

"but there's no way we can ever tell our families that we want nothing to do with religion"

That's not true and you know it.

If you are adult enough to get married, you are adult enough to express your religious views to your parents in a mature manner. Yes, it's hard and uncomfortable. But, part of being an adult is doing the right thing even when it's hard. You're trying to take the easy way out because you don't want to deal with any potentially bad consequences. Your parents will continue to have control over all major aspects of your life until you stand up to them.

I assume you love and trust your parents? If that's the case, trust that they love you enough to hear the truth.

And, yes, TinyBride. Same issue! My mom is still kind of in denial. She's getting there though. Slowly, but surely. The fact that I'm marrying an atheist is helping.

FHs parents are paying for the officiant. His mother is very religious and wanted a whole separate wedding for their side of the family. We told them no. They dont have to contribute to our wedding, we appreciate that they are, but at the end of the day we're planning the ceremomy we want. The one we feel comfortable with and that reflects us as a couple and our beliefs. They understood its not happening and havent brought it up since. Although I think his mom threw a minor fit to my mom and FH about the denomination of the officiant. Naturally I didnt hear about it.

Point being if you want a certain ceremony then tell them. Whats the worse thats going to happen? They pull the rug out from under you and you end up planning and paying for your own wedding but you get a ceremony you actually want?