Fh’s Family Refusing to Attend

What a shame what does your fiance want? my opinion continue to plan without them

You and fiance have to figure this out. Some people create excuses to not attend unfortunately but if you're set on the date, then stick with it. At point you can't put life on hold waiting for something that may never happen. Send them pictures after the wedding and go from there.

TBH even though your state lifted restrictions, I think its a bit selfish to blame anyone that isn't comfortable attending a wedding during this time. While the death rate probably isn't as crazy as thought, we have lost over 100K in the US and it hits people in the older age groups and with pre-exisiting conditions hard (I'm sure some of your guests are in that predicament). We still had 25K cases in the US yesterday so things haven't really slowed down yet in some parts of the country (in NC we haven't peaked yet). We may also know by July-August whether we will have a suitable vaccine (and some people think we would be able to get a vaccine to millions by EOY).

That being said, I think its completely ok to do any of your 3 options. If you want to get married now with a smaller group, you shouldn't let anyone hold you back. If you want to wait a few months to see if we have a viable vaccine and postpone until next year that works. I know a lot of people are discussing getting married this year and having a reception in 2021.

You should definitely move forward without them. Each guest always gets to make their own choice on whether to attend a wedding (pandemic or not). But it’s your wedding, so you and your FH get to decide what you want to do. That decision shouldn’t be controlled by your guests. We’re moving forward with our October wedding because postponing isn’t a foolproof solution, since there’s no set date on a vaccine (only guesstimates). And even then, everyone won’t get vaccinated anyway. So life and plans can’t stop for the next few years and we just have to take precautions. For me, I don’t see the benefit of moving our wedding from its current date to one that we don’t want in the future.... when the future is just as uncertain.

Also, you can live stream the wedding for guests who can’t attend. That was already our plan even before the pandemic. You can even have a
small gathering with his family later when they feel more comfortable. This is a time in life when we have to be creative.

I’m worried about that too, for our September destination wedding FH’s family also looking forward to a vaccine being available before wedding. But we’re planning to still go through with our dates. It’s not that we really want our wedding this year, but we don’t want to wait another year or more and put ourselves through this roller coaster even longer.


In my opinion I’d say go through with your current plans. Next year and beyond is so unpredictable you may not have them next year either.

I would decide if it’s most important to you to get married this year or to have them there. It’s okay if it’s more important for you to be married. Everyone has to calculate their own risks right now. I know personally my doctor has told me I need to avoid places with crowds and I wouldn’t feel comfortable attending a wedding this year but everyone is different.

I've been in this situation b4. My husband's parents wouldn't come to our wedding due to our COVID19 on May 16th and we decided to go on without them. Also to piggyback off what others have said, we have no idea what's gonna go on next year with COVID19 or anything else. Do what makes you happy!

How does your fiancé feel about it? Personally if it were me I would just go through with it and have your wedding now. So far the vaccines that have been tested have had very bad adverse side effects. It could be years before there’s an effective one. I wouldn’t put your life on hold because they’re waiting for something that may or may not happen anytime soon!

If it's your fiance's family, I think your fiancé needs to decide. We tend to default to the person whose family it is for issues like this. If your partner would rather wait and have them there, then wait. If your partner would rather just get married with or without family in attendance, go ahead with it.

I agree with PP’s that you should defer to you FH. I couldn’t imagine getting married without my family but there’s a very real possibility that FH’s family won’t be able to fly in from Costa Rica and he’s decided he wants to go forward.

Our wedding if early October in PA as well. We have a feeling my FH’s grandparents might not travel from Texas come that time, but we are moving forward. If guests cannot make it or choose not to make it, what else can you do? They should respect that you and your FH are feeling safe and ready to go on with your wedding.
Some of the ladies’ comments here are correct; it could take years for a vaccination. Are these family members willing to never go out to another gathering if there’s no vaccine? I think it’s a bit ridiculous

This is a decision that should ultimately should be up to your fiance as it is his family that refuses to attend. How does he feel about his family not being at the wedding? If he is okay with it then proceed with the wedding, but if he isn't go with it then I would recommend posting it. I do think it is understand that people may not be comfortable attending a wedding right now because of everything going on.

I agree with a lot of the ladies here. Make sure you and your FH are on the same page on what you decide. But also the vaccine and the roll out of it is unknown. We are getting married this July and don’t want to wait years always wondering when we can get married. Also we invested a lot of money in deposits so that complicated things to postpone for us. It is tough, but we told people if they are not comfortable we want them to stay home and we will do something in the future with them. We will also try to zoom the wedding.

I would go without them because like you said there’s absolutely no telling WHEN a vaccine will be out so you can’t work your life around that. But as pp mentioned maybe see how your FH feels and if anything you could always do a small celebration with just them later on

I live in PA and things are varying county by county. No one knows what July will look like yet, so it’s a legitimate worry. Weddings for fall are still being postponed. I personally would not feel comfortable attending any sort of event here, but that’s up to the individual. It could be that his family won’t be the only ones who are too nervous to attend. While you cannot work your life around a vaccine, you do have to be prepared to have a smaller event than you anticipated. Try to understand where you’re guests are coming from and don’t hold it against them if they choose not to attend.

Big weddings are not something you are entitled to, or being robbed of. A lot of people who would like one have smaller ones even during non-covid times, for a hundred reasons.
They likely are worried about their whole family, if half of them die, from being at a single big crowd event. Even 3-4 deaths in a family in a short time are devastating, from anything. Even if big crowd things are allowed, it is irresponsible to have one til the first year of any epidemic is over. We have no idea yet what will happen with babies, moms 0-5 months pregnant at the time of their getting the virus and surviving. Will it be like rubella, likely deaf or blind or both, and intellectually impaired, or physically disabled? For a big party? Plus the risk of the old, young, and those with medical conditions. Until more is known about it prenatally, or at least medications are known to reliably help those who get bad cases, everyone needs to use their own good judgement . Five members of Dad's family in one car accident, and 2 from a bad flu, around the time I was born, all died in a month . The 5 were on their way home from work, his father, his brother and wife, a sister and a SIL. And an aunt, 50 ish and a 22 year old who had the flu right after an unrelated surgery. Two single parents, one couple, each with 2-4 kids. One father to 8 grown adults and grandfather to more than 40. All had adult brothers and sisters, with children. One young adult, whose husband, 6 brothers and sisters, and parents ( dad's brother and wife) were devastated. Three of our families each adopted the children of the 3 now parentless families. We were a family of 6 kids who became a family of nine. I was a month old, and 3 of us in the family now have a brother or sister within 3 months. Like gaining 3 twins from 3 singles. Every aspect of life changed for over a hundred family members, losing 7 unexpectedly so close together. My husband's aunt and uncle and two unmarried brothers died at once. ... My husband's family got a similar knock out punch. My husband gained 6 cousins as brothers and sisters, now 13 kids. Orphaned by their aunts and uncles , the kid's parents, deaths at the same time.
I don't think you have ever thought of multiple deaths in one family, as happens in wars, or terrorism, or big fires, or several accidents or illnesses in a short time. Whole families feel crushed. Have whatever wedding you have. At a separate time, have a dinner with his family. People do this all the time, always have, when families are too distant for most to travel for a one day thing, or family only a hundred miles apart but in 2 countries. We don't know FI's family. How would he feel if 12 relatives came, and 3 died and one had a handicapped child, because of your wedding, even though "only" 10 of the guests got really sick? Or if after insurance, several family members went from comfortable to declaring bankruptcy, due to medical bills. Yes, it could happen they catch it at the Post office, at work, anywhere. But crowds of related people, and their friends, make the impact on one or two devastated families, different. His family are acting self protectively, for now. And to me , like many others in health care and with a family, your complaint that your big wedding is being interfered with, does not strike a real sympathetic note. People's safety matters more. Big events are unwise now.

I don't think it's ridiculous for anyone to not feel safe in a large crowd right now. These are scary times for everyone. I'd just handle it with grace and move forward with the wedding if that's what you want :-)

I’m sorry, but asking family to risk their lives so you can keep your date is a bit ridiculous. Are any of them over the age of 60 or have any pre existing conditions? I assume the answer is yes, and they are being perfectly reasonable in avoiding travel and large groups of people. A vaccine will likely come within a year, and even if it doesn’t, treatment options will improve. Reschedule to give everyone another chance. If they refuse to come the second time, that’s on them.

If his family is refusing to attend until there is a vaccine, then I think the question comes down to this ———> are and your FH willing to push the pause button on your wedding INDEFINITELY, until after a vaccine is developed and tested enough to prove that it’s effective.... then wait for all of FH family members to receive the vaccine.... check with his family to see if they are comfortable yet with attending your wedding.... then once all of his family is comfortable, you and your FH can finally set a new wedding date begin planning all over again?



If that’s 100% OK with you two and you’re willing to allow the vaccine’s timing and his family’s comfort level to dictate your wedding plans and your future life together... then (sure) cancel your current plans/vendors and wait until his family is vaccinated before you do anything wedding related.
But if not, then continue with your plans.