Katelyn
Dedicated October 2021

fh wants to see me the day of the wedding

Katelyn, on October 20, 2021 at 7:55 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 21
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I’m a huge believer in the “bad luck” kinds of things. My FH really wants to see me the morning of the wedding, but I feel like it’s super bad luck. What have you done? Do you believe these kinds of things?

21 Comments

Latest activity by Frankie, on October 26, 2021 at 11:22 PM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    If you look up the origin of this, it's because arranged marriages were a common practice at that time, so they would say it was bad luck to see the bride before the altar because they basically didn't want to groom to change his mind based on the bride's appearance. Since I'm assuming your future spouse has seen what you look like in general, you shouldn't have to worry about this.
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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated October 2021
    Katelyn ·
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    Good to know, thank you!
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  • Cece
    VIP November 2022
    Cece ·
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    Girl I get it- I’m superstitious too!! It doesn’t matter how ridiculous the superstition… if it’s in my head, it’s gonna drive me crazy! 😆 Needless to say, we will not be seeing eachother the day of the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    We spent the night together the night before and had breakfast together that morning. Everybody has to do what makes them feel good.
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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated October 2021
    Katelyn ·
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    That’s how I am too!
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  • Rosie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Rosie Online ·
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    I've heard couples do things like, stand on either side of a door and hold hands, or wear a mask, so they do 'see' each other but not really! Do you think you'd be ok to compromise with something like that?

    fh wants to see me the day of the wedding 1

    fh wants to see me the day of the wedding 2

    fh wants to see me the day of the wedding 3

    fh wants to see me the day of the wedding 4

    or maybe something where you talk to each other through the door? Like this gorgeous shot:

    fh wants to see me the day of the wedding 5

    I feel like there are definitely ways you can compromise whilst still technically keeping the tradition!

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  • Cassie
    Beginner April 2022
    Cassie ·
    • Flag
    I feel like something to consider is that marriage is about communication and compromise. This could be an opportunity for that. Maybe express to him how much this means to you and allow him to do the same. And try to come to a conclusion that makes you both feel comfortable
    As a note I've always heard that it's only bad luck to spend the night together and for him to see you in the dress. So maybe with that in mind there's some wiggle room
    • Reply
  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
    • Flag

    In this situation, the one who doesn't want has 'the final say. If the superstitious partner does feel strongly, the situation is not happening.

    Even though I'm not superstitious at all and neither is my FH, we will spend the night before together and are doing a first look , I can see why these things are important for some brides (and sometimes, grooms: my future SIL wanted to do a first look but her husband didn't).

    It sounds like you are concerned by the fact he would be miffed, should you decide to say 'no'.

    Unfortunately, you can't compromise on this: either you win or he does.

    Doing a 1st touch or an exchange of letters won't be enough for him, not even the blind kiss in my opinion if he only wants you to see each other.

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  • Fiona
    Expert May 2024
    Fiona ·
    • Flag

    Is there a reason that he really wants to see you on the day in the morning?

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    We seen each other the morning of because we spent the night together. We don't care to follow those superstitions or "traditions"
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  • Christian
    Savvy June 2022
    Christian ·
    • Flag
    I do!! One of us will be sleeping at someone elses house night be wedding cause he's not going to be able to see me till I'm walking down the isle
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I am not a superstitious person, so I don't really "get it", but I do understand that if you are superstitious no amount of logic or anecdotes about the lack of bad luck resulting from a couple seeing each other before the wedding is going to make you feel comfortable. I think your future spouse needs to understand how important your superstitions are to you and that this is a fundamental part of who you are. He shouldn't be trying to change you.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    We set up our venue together, so yes lol, we saw each other. Superstitions have no basis in reality, so you shouldn't have to worry it will be 'bad' for your marriage. That said, not seeing each other can definitely build excitement in the lead up to the wedding. Maybe approach it from that angle?
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    Find out why he wants to see you. That will help you in determining the best compromise.

    I'm not superstitious, but we didn't see each other. Our rehearsal dinner was the night before, and was over around 9 - and then I didn't see him until I walked down the aisle at 6pm the next day. I have special/fond memories as a result; when we were leaving the rehearsal dinner, everyone else walked ahead of us. He stopped, took my hand, drew me back to him, set his forehead against mine, gazed into my eyes and said, "this is the last time I'll see you before we get married tomorrow." And we just stood there in each other's arms for a quiet moment, while everyone else bustled and said goodbye. It was a final quiet moment between us before the chaos of the wedding day, and nearly twenty years later, it's still very special to me.

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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
    • Flag
    We spent the night together, saw each other in the morning and had a first look, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. The day went by so quickly, and I'm so glad that I got to spend the majority of it with my husband. Walking down the aisle wasn't any less special because we had a first look, and I know that my marriage isn't going to fail because I saw him before we said "I do." I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let some silly superstition get in the way of you and your fiance fully enjoying your day together.
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I am not a superstitious person, and I mean all of this to be genuinely helpful. One of my all time favorite quotes is from Penn Jillette: “Luck is coincidence taken personally.” In the sciences, we say, “Correlation does not equal causation.” In other words, just because something “bad” were to happen after seeing each other does not mean seeing each other caused the bad thing - it’s complete coincidence. Second, ask yourself a couple of questions and be honest with yourself: 1) What “bad thing” do I think will happen if we see each other? 2) How realistic is it for seeing each other to cause the “bad thing” to happen? 3) Is there any possible way that seeing each other before the wedding could actually cause the “bad thing to happen”? (In other words, what is the mechanism of action?) Remind yourself that the answer to the second question is, “Exceedingly unlikely” and the answer to the third question is, “There is no possible way in the laws of science that seeing each other could cause the “bad thing” to happen.”


    I genuinely help that advice is helpful - I don’t mean it in a negative way in any form. I admit, I am biased since I am not superstitious and I work in scientific research, so I deal in statistics and probability all day. Ultimately, this is a time where you might have to make a compromise you are both happy with. Maybe it’s talking on the phone before the wedding. Wishing you all the best!
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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    This is a really interesting point. I actually agree, the one who is superstitious should have the final say. For the other person, sure, they didn’t get what they ideally wanted. But if the superstitious person didn’t do what they preferred it could cause significant stress or anxiety the day of.
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  • Krista
    Dedicated April 2020
    Krista ·
    • Flag
    My parents had breakfast together on their wedding day and they were married 42 years and were beside each other till death did them part. I am planning on doing a first look and think that any chance that you get to spend with your person on your wedding day that is just the two of you is a special moment
    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    I agree that talking to him about why he wants to see you is a good way to find a compromise if you can. If you guys don't do a first look can you spend some time together later on away from everyone else?

    We have a similar issue, but my FH refuses to see me before I walk down the aisle once I start getting ready. I would be open to a first look because I think the pictures are cute, but since he's adamant on not seeing me I think we're going to compromise and do something similar to what Rosie suggested.

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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated October 2021
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag
    So I ended up staying the night with him and everything went fine, except I ran out of time and forgot to give my girls their gifts🤦🏻‍♀️


    I have a new Dilemma tho, so any advice for my new discussion?
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