fh wants friend as officiant...help!

So I see from a previous discussion that you’re getting married in North Carolina. I believe online ordination isn’t legal for North Carolina weddings.

You need to just sit down and talk to him about this and how you feel that he made a decision about this without you. Did he explain why he chose his friend?

View Quoted Comment Is it really?!? If so, do you know where I can find this law?

View Quoted Comment I just did a quick google search! And it said in North Carolina and Virginia if you use a minister ordained online the validity of your marriage could be questioned because it’s technically not legal.

Contact the marriage license office and they can tell you what is legal in your state and what isn't

If it isn't legal then hopefully that should be eniugh to talk him out of it.

The officiant is literally the only vendor required to get married—I wouldn’t risk that with a friend that’s never officiated a wedding before.


Maybe talk to him from a legal standpoint? Obviously the validity of the marriage is a big one. What if your friend gets sick the night before the wedding and is unable to attend? Professional vendors have plans for that.
I know a lot of people like the personal aspect of having a friend perform the ceremony. We opted to do our pre-marital through our officiant to build a relationship.

In Maryland it's legal. My husbands best friend officiated and it was amazing, loving, and heartfelt and so special. That said, it was discussed and not done behind my back (major issue #1) and in my state it's legal (major issue #2). I don't think having a loved one perform the ceremony is inherently bad though. Some people are charming, charismatic and loving enough to do it. My family who didn't know my husband's friend ahead of time still Talk about how amazing he was and we're shocked he wasn't a professional officiant. We also had a couple of meetings and discussed the ceremony we wanted.

Thank you all for the advice. We had discussed it before. The friend is not someone we have known for long and is not one of his best friends or mine so it just seems odd to me to have this guy do it. I’d rather spend the money to have peace of mind.

I was able to get my now husband to stop agreeing to wedding things without talking to me first (I told him just to say, "we haven't made a final decision on that yet," which worked) but for things he had agreed to before that point, I told him to take it back and that he could blame it on me if he needed/wanted to. (Like, "I would be fine with it, but the bride really wants to do something else so I have to go along with it.") I really wanted to make sure the ceremony, especially, only contained elements and people that were really important to us, and I didn't care if some of his friends or relatives had to think I was being a bridezilla to make sure that happened.

Time to have a lil chat with we your FH. We had some options with family who offered (either my nephew or my brother). I didn’t want my nephew & he didn’t want my brother. We wanted a professional who’s not emotionally invested in us. Found the perfect officiant through our venue. We have an all inclusive package- there were 3 to choose from- we liked him right off the bat!!

Could you ask the friend to be your MC at the reception instead? Ask your FH why he is so set on it too.

View Quoted Comment Asking him to emcee sounds like a perfect solution! He would still be very involved in the wedding, but it's a much lower emotional risk.

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And a lower legal risk as well!