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Courtney
Expert July 2020

fh doesn't want to go to rehearsal

Courtney, on May 11, 2020 at 6:05 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 49
Hey everyone! Hope you're all staying safe.



So my FH doesn't want to attend the rehearsal. He's a very private person & he mentioned that he wants some alone time the week of the wedding which I'm understanding of and okay with, however he doesn't want to attend the wedding rehearsal. Initially he didn't even want to have a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. He said it wasn't needed but I convinced him that we need at least some type of run through because we have kids in the wedding, and our venue set up is different than most. He agreed to that, along with a mini dinner but now he doesn't want to attend the rehearsal. He said the DOC, myself and my mother can run the rehearsal. He's also the musician for the wedding as he will be playing the piano as everyone comes down the aisle including myself. I think he needs to be there , but he's saying he doesn't he think he should and that he can just have a recording of the music to give me. I've already asked him why but didn't get a good explanation. Is it really that big deal if he isn't there? I feel like it would be awkward but I think this is something so small to debate about. For those of you who had a rehearsal, did both of you attend the rehearsal?

49 Comments

Latest activity by Caila, on May 12, 2020 at 3:38 PM
  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    Seems like cold feet? It’s your guys day and rehearsal. He needs to know what the venue or planner wants him to do or stand or come in at. Than to celebrate with friends and family after words?! I would flip out if my groom pulled this move on me. It’s not just the brides party
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Um i don't think it makes sense that the groom isn't there at the rehearsal [unless there's a legit reason] he just doesn't seem to wanna do it. i understand wanting to have some alone time and i understand rehearsals are not always necessary but i think it just sounds kind of lazy that he isn't gonna be there.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    He doesn’t want to rehearse for his own wedding, but expects everyone else to? Sounds like a red flag to me.
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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    Yes he absolutely needs to be there
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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    Ummm what?! He needs to be there. Non-negotiable. Rehearsals are usually an hour or less— he can’t spare an hour for his own wedding??
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    He definitely needs to attend his own rehearsal. He can't expect other people to attend if he isn't going to attend. This is would something I wouldn't compromise on.
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    We were both there, along with the bridal party, officiant and readers (everyone in the wedding). I would let him know his attendance is definitely important and he can get some alone time before or after the scheduled rehearsal time.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    Yes maybe he's nervous I'm not sure. His family hasn't been as supportive including his groomsmen through our wedding planning. I guess I'll have to continue to convince him.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    Thank you. That's what I was thinking of saying.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    Yeah I don't think that it's not that he doesn't want to be a part of the wedding. He didn't say why, but I'm thinking maybe he's nervous about something because a lot of people haven't been as supportive or helpful including those in his Bridal party.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    He didn't want a rehearsal initially. But he hasn't really told me a legitimate reason other than he wants us to see each other the day of and wants time to himself. I want that too but I don't mind attending the rehearsal.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    I think some of you may be misunderstanding me. I didn't say that he didn't want to get married or that either of us are nervous about marriage. in fact, neither of us have a doubt in our mind we want to be married. I only stated that he doesn't want to have a rehearsal, he compromised that for me, but also now that he doesn't want to attend IF we have one. The only advice I asked was for if it's necessary for him to be there, and for those who had rehearsal, if the groom attended. It would be nice if only those were able to help could answer the question vs being rude. I will continue to try and talk to him about it. Thank you for those who did help.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    That's true. I'm not sure how to convince him.
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  • Leanne
    Super September 2020
    Leanne ·
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    Maybe tell him he doesn’t have to play the piano for the rehearsal? I play and sing piano myself, and I know that I get stage fright before the actual performance.


    I hope this all works out for you, he definitely needs to be at rehearsal with you
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    I didn't even think about maybe that's why he wouldn't want to attend since he's not a shy person. I'll try mentioning that to him! Thank you ☺️
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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    I think that you should definitely have a chat with him again. Our rehearsal lasted 10-15 minutes, but it was super helpful because everyone got their order, knew where to he day of, and I got a good feeling of how long my walk down the aisle was going to take for music purposes. I think it's especially important not only because he's the groom, but the musician as well. He should understand how important a rehearsal is as a musician at the least. Maybe that's something you can point out.
    Not everyone has a rehearsal dinner, although we all had a blast being together (and the bridal party making friends and such during the rehearsal and dinner). I can understand if he doesn't want to make it a long night, especially if you have an unsupportive bridal party.
    I am sure you've talked to him a lot, but maybe you can compromise with not having a dinner if he comes to the rehearsal. You can either have a chill night with FH or a fun ladies night with your closest friends.
    Good luck!
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  • Cassandra
    Dedicated October 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    You said he is doing the musis while people are walking. Wouldn't he need to rehearse what he is going to play? The timing for how long he is playing what and when so he knows his ques? The point of rehearsals is not only the bridal party to know where to stand and when, but also for music to be gone through. Not a recording of the music.
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    Yes we both definitely want something quick for rehearsal. We thought about not doing a dinner because he said some people (his family) may be nervous because of the virus still about being close of covid , but then I get on here and people say you HAVE to have a dinner if you have a rehearsal. Something like this is just so hard to compromise on because I don't want to regret not rehearsing , but I'm not understanding why he doesn't want to be around everyone the day before. I'm sure it has something to do with his Bridal party/family but he hasn't said that directly.


    I'll definitely try compromising the dinner and see what he says! Thank you!
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  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
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    Lol I've thought the same thing! I don't know if he's nervous or not to play in front of everyone since it's been awhile since he played in front of an audience, but he's been a musician for years where he's performed in front of others so I don't know why he'd be nervous.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I would tell him that it is his wedding too and he needs to be there.

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